Christmas Time is Here...

Greetings All...

After a very long absence, I return to you to post a blog I wrote a few weeks ago during our family vacation in Albuquerque. With all the driving back and forth ending in a flurry of "New Year" and tour rehearsal, I never got it posted before running off to Kansas and Wisconsin on a tour bus. At any rate, this post should catch you up to date on my late December weeks...come back soon for a bit of more recent news...

December 24^th, 2007

My family drove for 21 of 36 hours yesterday in order to arrive in Albuquerque in time. We have been planning this trip for months and anticipating both the joys it would bring and the energy that it would require. From what we can remember, it has been about 4 years since the family was down here, and about 7 since we last spent a Christmas here.

In order to understand what “here” really means, I must explain a bit about my family tree. My dad’s family is quite complex and large. His mother (Beatrice) has a twin sister (Bernice)…and the sisters have lived within 30 miles of each other for their entire lives. A majority of those lives have actually been lived within one block…and sometimes right next door. The result is that my father actually has two mothers…indeed he as often joked he was spanked, fed, raised, and encouraged almost equally by both. While he only has one brother and one sister, he has 6 first cousins (whom he really counts as siblings). Since Bea and Bee (often named “the killer B’s”) are married, and they now carry the name “Holmes” and “Holmen”, the family tree is comprised of 9 children and two sets of parents who have a last name only one letter apart. One other sibling of the B’s adds a set of cousins that were a bit less close to the family in geography but just as integral. The result is a family tree worthy of the story books.

Dad’s stories from childhood are hilarious and wonderful. He relates many tall tales of adventure in which the 7 boys (only 1 girl in each family…poor things) ran over the ditchbanks with bikes, horses, and scooters…wreaking havoc on all and bringing fun to everyone. They never really had to worry about being accepted because they were related to their friends. So foreign to me...

We kids hear these stories and marvel. We have only 8 first cousins on both sides of the family total…and neither of them live closer than 20 hours from us. On mom’s side they are a full 10 years younger than us, and on Dad’s side, they are mostly older. We get extra “cousins” however, thanks to the killer B’s, who are actually dad’s cousin’s offspring. Confusing.

Since our last visit out here 4 of these cousins have been married, and one has a new baby. In addition, one of dad’s cousin/siblings is married and pregnant. Our 11 hour drive on Monday ended literally in the driveway of the annual Holmes/Holmen clan Christmas Party, and before we had our sea legs yet, we were surrounded by an ocean of family members. Most were incredibly gracious to us, cuing us with the names of the new offspring and spouses. It took a good 5 minutes to even recognize our cousins after a 5-8 year absence, but after the preliminary hellos we picked right up where we left off. It was amazing to sit around discussing college plans and graduation for the high school kids, watching the “young” cousins play piano and drums and the “old” cuddle and introduce new wives. Great fun to pick up with a new set of people and re-intersect our lives.

The family Christmas eve party always begins with food, and plenty of it. The relatives are well cultured in authentic southwestern cuisine and many amazing spices and tastes met us. We enjoyed special beverages from the Dominican Republic, furnished by our first cousins who live there and laughed and talked and enjoyed the company.

Next, comes the “talent” portion of the evening…traditionally a somewhat painful experience in which every family is required to bring a “gift” to the king in the form of a musical presentation or poem. The killer B’s have a fettish for these types of presentations, which are often demanded rather forcefully. However, when all the groaning stops and the group of almost 60 settles in a crowded living room, the frustration dissolves and the true meaning of family comes out. Back in the days, when my dad was young, the twins forced the family to form the “rinky dink band” which always performed Christmas carols at the party. Any child old enough to hold an instrument could play jingle bells on it, they assumed, and the kids all tell stories of being forced to practice and play regardless of talent or desire. But somehow through the “torture” many of the kids came out with great musical instincts and, more importantly, a sense of what it means to share as a family. Here it doesn’t matter what you bring, or to what level of perfection, but the fact that you are willing to bring at all. The presentation, we quickly realize, has nothing to do with talent but with vulnerability and a willingness to submit your “gift” to applause and laughter alike in order to glorify the king and edify the family.

Members of the New and improved Rinky Dink Band play, with dad as the director...

Many of the grandchildren played instruments as others shared pictures from vacations and missions trips. Multigenerational bands played songs written by one of my cousins and several of the uncles re-formed the rinky dink…dusting off old trombones and trumpets and begging their mouths to put forth the muscles to get through the song. The matriarchal B’s looked on with contented smiles, even though they sometimes lacked the hearing necessary to pick up all the performances over the dull roar of children, eating, and “peanut gallery” conversations. This is the greatest gift we could have given to them…and indeed, as the evening wore on and the laughter increased, we were all blessed with a more genuine definition of “Christmas spirit”.

At the end of the talents, the uncles and aunts produce gifts galore for many or all of the cousins, pouring love and affection as quickly as money and gifts. The cousins our age demanded cell phone numbers from us and promises for game nights and movies later in the week. Ahhhh…this is being “home” for the holidays.

We traveled next in a smaller group to the plaza at Old town. Albuquerque was originally little more than a trading town and its center is rustic and beautiful. An adobe style church stands at the center of the square, and tonight the plaza is also decorated with luminarias. For those of you in the Midwest, luminarias are probably quite foreign. But here, they are a common practice for all who call themselves “authentic” residents of New Mexico. Small paper bags are folded down on top and filled about 1 inch full of sand, and placed along sidewalks, driveways, roof tops, fences, and walls. On Christmas eve, just before dusk, a lit candle is dropped into each back, illuminating the bag and the walls that they adorn. While the plaza has a bit too many lights to enjoy the view fully, some of the older subdivisions in the city encourage everyone for blocks to participate in the night’s splendor, and street lights and headlights are banned for the purposes of ambience. My dad tells a story of he and his “brothers” starting up a family business in their neighborhood by setting up, lighting, and tearing down hundreds of these lanterns in 10-12 neighbor’s yards on Christmas eve. While incredibly labor intensive, the sight and spirit produced is well worth it. We re-visited this old neighborhood and found the tradition continued well…an incredibly peaceful and beautiful sight.

Luminarias lighting the darkened streets of "old town"

By 1:30 (actually 2:30 illinois time) we finally bid goodnight to our relatives and traveled wearily home to sleep at last. Something tells me Christmas morning may not be quite so early this year…I hope so…

December 25^th, 2007

This morning was a great affair…it started late enough that we could keep our eyes open and lasted well into the afternoon. We opened gifts with my grandparents and my aunt (who’s house we are staying in) and enjoyed a great breakfast as well. Plenty of coffee and Christmas music around made for a great morning.

My grandparents enjoying Christmas morning...

This afternoon we ventured up into the mountains to visit dad’s brother and his wife. They are from Louisiana but have rented a house up in the foothills so that they can host their large crowd. Brandon, their eldest son, will not be in until tomorrow…he was married on the 23^rd and is enjoying some down time before meeting up with the family. Ian was engaged about 2 weeks ago, and we got to meet his fiancé today. Natasha and her husband, Adrell, (who currently live in the Dominican Republic) were also there, with their ADORABLE 2 year old son Christopher in tow. He absolutely stole the show last night (during everyone else’s performances he could be seen strutting/dancing/smiling around the room) and continues to melt our hearts today. Dad’s brother and his wife are among the best hosts I’ve ever met and kept everyone going strong with food, conversation, and laughter despite the crowd of people. Spicy foods and strong coffee were again a huge necessity.

The beautiful , feisty ham...our darling little Christopher...

The gang played a game of “turbo cranium” after the fiancée and her family left and we enjoyed many laughs as we attempted to spell backwards and sculpt “tounge in cheek” out of clay. Good times. We return to the house tonight rather weary and looking forward to a more relaxed day tomorrow.

Turbo Cranium with the gang...

December 29^th, 2007

Yesterday we had a little reunion with the Holmen “cousins” who are closer to us in age than our real cousins. They took us to lunch at the favorite pizza place and showed us around the town, ending in a hike by the Rio Grande river…which, though chilly, was excellent fun.

A view of the wintertime Rio Grande...

Us with the Holmen "cousins"...

It is interesting to be nearing adulthood and seeing suddenly the ways that WE must initiate the relationship with these distant but dear relatives if we want them to continue. In the past, these meetings have been a product of our parent’s congregations and we merely tagged along, stared awkwardly for a few minutes, then settled down to having the time of our lives together. Now that we can drive, plan, buy our own food, and etc, we are more in charge of making this fun happen…and it did.

It is also interesting, however, to re-enter the family as a “grown up” and suddenly be privy to conversations that we never noticed or were never allowed to hear before. Family dynamics are strong in every family of this size, but it is interesting to hear things about the parents of these cousins and then go and form very basic and foundational relationships for them for one afternoon every 5 years. Much thought begins to churn in me as I consider my individual future, and the future relationships of my offspring. What will they think of my family as we come home for the holidays…and when they become aware of broader “family issues” how will it effect the way that they interact? Interesting…

My aunt has been eternally patient with the comings and goings of all of the family…hosting within an inch of her life and driving out to see my grandparents and uncle often. She still insisted on taking casey and I shopping the day after Christmas...waiting in the lines with us and helping me battle my lack of fashion savvy all while spoiling us rotten. Great to have some good girl time together. About 20 members of the family met up at ihop after this shopping to spend some of the gift cards handed out by my great aunt and uncle.

This morning the entire family re-convened for a final breakfast before we leave tomorrow. It seemed impossible that all 40 could fit in my aunt’s 3 bedroom house, but we did and loved it. A few of the brothers had transferred all the old home videos (originally on 8mm tapes) to DVD and we enjoyed almost an hour of silent moving pictures of our parents. It was so fun to watch everyone through a 30-50 year time warp and see the siblings playing, fishing, camping, throwing tantrums, having snowball fights, and etc. We see pictures often but rarely get a glimpse at the personalities behind the shots. Watching dad strut around in little overalls, many times we referred to him as little christopher’s role model. Indeed, it was almost frightening how many times we saw ourselves in the spotted movies.

We took several large group photos, knowing that it may be the last time we are all together for a great many years. Who knows, even, how many more Christmases my grandparents will be here on earth for. But watching them hold their great grandson for a photo shoot and smile like none other was enough to tell me without a doubt that death in this case will not be a sad affair. These dear old saints have given so much of their lives to the preservation and improvement of a romping clan, which is now leaving its large and variegated mark on the world one person at a time. The legacy they leave will not be without failure and disappointment and even rejection of the faith that has been handed down…but they have done so much to show us what belonging and family and unconditional love looks like, we can’t help but thank them with as many hugs as we can give.3 generations of the Holmes/Holmen "Babes"...see the "killer B's" in left center...

4 generations of the Holmes Clan...

Tonight we played Farkel and Texas Hold Em well into the night, enjoying snacks and laughter and trying to put off the inevitable departure tomorrow. Hard to believe that this 5 day party has sped by so quickly but here we are. I myself am ready for a bit of “self” and “immediate family” time for a few days. Today and tomorrow we travel, ending in a yet unplanned but sure to be fun new year’s party with some of the church people. 2 days later I’ll hit rehearsal camp, and 4 days later I’ll climb on the tour bus to DRIVE some more. …oh for a bit more time on solid ground…

For now, I’ll take my tired self to bed and hope to be rid of this cold I’ve contracted sometime soon. Merry Christmas to all, and a blessed new year…