Our minds are curious things…ok, well, my mind is at least. There are days, even weeks at a time, that I am completely occupied by one heavy, deep, and real thing in my world and nothing else seems to stick. I take tests, hold conversations, and handle all the daily thoughts, but they are all really in “peripheral vision” compared to the central issue or grand focus. If you read my last blog, you probably can get a sense of what that looks like. I get frustrated when I am like this because I end up skipping over all the day-to-day joys and struggles in my attempt to single-handedly solve one of life’s great mysteries.
But then, there are days that my struggle against the force of humanity succumbs to the monotonous and common and I am forced, and rather relieved, to find myself solely focused on the day to day. What I tend to notice at these points is that the periphery has some pretty great things to offer. My past few days of existence have focused me on the following:
~ On Thursday, someone walked up to me in choir and handed me a huge jar full of candy corn, with a masking tape label of “934” on the top…closer inspection revealed that at some un-remembered point in the week I myself had penned “850” on a paper next to my name. I may have been 84 pieces off, but evidently that was close enough.
~ I watched Pride and Prejudice…and enjoyed some very stimulating conversations about it with the females in my family, and some very funny ones with the males.
~ The Cardinals pulled off a spectacular victory and became the new World Champions…it was one of those rewarding victories that my family rarely experiences since we always root for the underdog in every sporting event no matter what. This triumph will likely be repeated until my children are grown.
~ I had my first serious “college/rest of your life” discussion with Casey. (gulp…COLLEGE???)
~ We visited the King Tut exhibit at the field museum in Chicago, and although the mummy itself was not present, I was enthralled as never before with every piece of pottery and statuette.
~ I had my first true concerts in University Choir and discovered that I have already fallen in love with the group.
~ I caught a vicious head cold and slept for 14 hours in one afternoon and night. NyQuil is my friend.
~ Matt and I made up the best word in existence, “uber-woot”….and assigned a definition and proper usage rules.
~ I got to take a well deserved fall break and fill it with hospital work, family time, and yes, studying.
~ I ate a steak at Texas Road House…yeah buddy…
For now, I have no theological questions to ask, no mind bending issues to discover, no political or social agendas to challenge. My life is as it seems…precious, full, and fleeting. Nothing more, nothing less. And until Monday, when my mind desires once again to take on humanity, I’ll be happy to keep it that way.
Sunday, October 29, 2006
Friday, October 27, 2006
Saturday, October 14, 2006
Veritas Vincit ~ Truth Conquers
I’m having one of those weeks where it seems that everything that happens around me is linked. I love it when God does this…when I learn something in one place and find the lesson repeated or embellished at every step during the next few days. Unfortunately, this particular sequence has been less of a lesson and more of an exploration of the concept of truth.
The class:
My seminar on social classes is proving to be even more frustrating than I had originally thought. Its odd, I love it for the simple fact that I am surrounded by so many naturally brilliant and genuinely curious people. I am, however, often disgruntled by my encounters with my professor. Walking to class every Tuesday and Thursday, I have to fight back the feeling that I’m preparing myself for a battering. This professor is considered one of the best in the school, yet I find her very difficult to communicate with. Part of the reason is that we disagree on much. She is a very liberal democrat with strong socialist and feminist undertones…what’s more, she assumes a lot about the “obvious” political opinions of anyone who is truly educated. I feel a bit like I am back in high school with complete one sided teaching that borders on indoctrination at times. The only difference is that these are the exact opposites to all the packaged arguments I heard at DCS. I’m not frustrated by the presence of these poles, in fact, I think they are good for society, but I am frustrated by not feeling like there is a way to find the truth, which often seems to lie somewhere in limbo between them. In the midst of my willingness to respectfully take the other side of these arguments, I find myself holding back. I see flaws in her statistics, but I know perfectly well that those found in a lot of opposing documents are flawed too. Do I fight crap with crap? I don’t think so. In addition, I find that my questions and contradictions to her arguments are automatically met with a presupposition of my “platform” in the far right. This I suppose is fair, since I know I calculate her under a similar ruler.
And while much of what I am learning in this class I disagree with, my eyes are unquestionably being opened to a side of our society which I had before been sheltered to. It is, in a way, refreshing to feel like I’m finally getting the other side of the story…the benefits of welfare, the genuine problems with tax cuts, the truly repulsive waste that happens every day in our government. But these truths, combined with some questions about the wisdom of conservative policy, can prove to be hard to swallow. In fact, as much as I love the discovery of new points of view, I am noticing that the truth can be as disillusioning as it can be inspirational.
The verses:
Dad was sharing some verses with me the other day that proved very challenging to me. Take a peek at Matt. 13:24-30. It’s a parable that Jesus tells about wheat and weeds. The parable essentially explains that Christ knew full well that Christians would be surrounded by faithless, godless people…in fact, for some reason He desires us to continue to grow right along with them. In fact, he says, “if you pull out the weeds, you might pull out the wheat with them.” And while these verses clearly state that the parable is talking about people, I started wondering if it applies to ideas and intellect. I get the sense more and more as I am intellectually trained in a very dark place that God intentionally allows lies to penetrate my surrounding so that truth itself is not damaged by the removal of the lies. …this seems like such a paradox and an anti Christian thing to say, but let me explain. As I said above, I get the sense that very often the truth lies between two extremes. By themselves, these two poles are lies, but together, they may guide us to the truth. C.S. Lewis discusses this in Mere Christianity…he says that one of the devil’s best tricks is making us acutely aware of one evil and getting us to work so hard at steering clear of this evil that we end up falling into another. God calls us, rather, to be wise as serpents…making ourselves aware of the lies on both ends and finding a way to walk steadily between them. If this is true, than the removal of the extremes of arguments, of morality, and of opinion could be devastating to our discovery of truth. …for a fish to understand that the water it lives it is what keeps it alive, it must first be exposed to air…
The Play:
A good friend of mine was recently in an MU production of “The Crucible” which I went to see on Thursday night. It’s a story about the Salem witch trials, written as a political argument during the time of the Communist trials in the states in the 1950’s. Here in 2006, it was being used as an argument against the Bush policies for the questioning and detaining and mistreating of terrorist suspects during the war. Fair enough. I went in prepared to think critically about the political implications. I wasn’t prepared for the personal ones though.
The premise of this play goes far beyond the search for witches, the injustice of the judicial system, the consequences of vengeance, and the hipocricy and blindness of the church…it deals with truth on the deepest levels…truth in the hearts of every man on earth. Throughout the plot it becomes increasingly plain that the power of lies and hate are strong, and the truth is neither easy to discern nor comfortable to vocalize. It is by the “truth” of confession of sin that each of the accused is finally released from prison…but to confess is also to lie. For those courageous enough to choose truth over release, the gallows await. In the final scenes, the lead, John Proctor, who has fought and failed to convince the jury of the true witches, is given one last chance to confess in order to save his own life. He speaks to his wife in anguish, saying that he is more than willing to go the gallows but knows full well that to do so would be a falsehood in itself. “I am John Proctor,” he says, “in whom I see no good. I am as black as any, and to hang next to a saint would be to shame her. For me, to tell the truth would be a farce, for it would declare me a martyr when I am only a sinner.” He signs a confession with an anguished spirit, and then the pastor demands it, ready to nail to the church door. John refuses, saying that to place his name upon the door would be to condemn all of those who had already been killed. Finally, this rational causes him to rip the confession and be lead to his death.
This play asked the questions which I perceive to be the hardest of any that a Christian must grapple with: are there some elements to truth which vary based on the person? Does defense of the truth sometimes call for a lie? Is staying true to ones convictions more or less important than actions which may illuminate the truth for many in the end? It was ultimately a frustrating catch 22 and an extremely moving performance. If’ you ever get the chance, go see it.
The life:
Several times in the last few weeks I’ve been faced with the frustrating choice between speaking truth and showing grace. As a member of the body of Christ, I find this issue to be increasingly difficult. College is full of people from every different background and creed imaginable…and I’m not just talking unbelievers…I’m talking Christians too. One increasingly complex example is a new friendship that I am building with one of the freshman music majors here. He is a sweetheart, a talented musician, a Christian, and also a homosexual. He started coming to Intervarsity very soon after school started and has been quite faithful ever since. This is a very unique situation for our group…the chances of a gay guy walking into our circle is about 1/10,000…and I have been SO PROUD of my circle of friends who have taken roles in befriending, encouraging, and spiritually sharpening him already. Yet I am also scared. I believe that homosexuality is a sin…no worse or better than any other sin that any of us commit, but a sin none the less. I also believe that God calls Christians to exhort other believers in what the Bible says…I believe that God asks us to keep a watch out for sinful patterns in each other’s lives and call each other on them. I believe that the truth should be shared with boldness.
However, on a campus like Millikin, I am increasingly aware that if we drive this guy away he will be accepted with open arms into 49 other groups on campus. He has dealt with so much hatred and judgment from the church already…I do not want to become another example of a holier-than-thou community. And in the midst of all of this, I have become acutely aware of the major difference between him and myself: I am able to hide my sin…he cannot. I’ve been practicing this charade since I was little…learning how to effectively cover up my black heart with smiles and warmth and service and passion and worship. And the church is a whole group of people who have learned to do the same thing. If you want open and honest relationships that do not attempt to hide their insufficiencies the church is often the last place to go. We as believers have bought into the nonsense that our fellowships should be perfect, sinless, and unfaltering. It is no wonder that girls who become pregnant outside of marriage often just leave the church rather than facing the congregation. This is more than facing the shame of sin, it is facing a group of people and being the only one who “got caught” in sin. Surely this is not the type of church that we are called to…surely the grace of God is big enough that we can share it within our own congregations…surely we can find a way to speak truth without forever alienating our own brothers and sisters.
And yet, this “surely” is as vague and cloudy to me right now as anything. I cannot solve the puzzle. I keep praying that God will use this time of uncertainty to help me cleanse my own heart, and then give me courage to speak up when the time comes. I know that at some point this opportunity will come around. Please pray for strength to stand up in it.
And so, through the last 2 weeks and the longest blog imaginable, I am still unable to say that I understand the concept of truth. I do pray though that I may become they type of believer found in 2 Tim 2:15: Do your best to present yourself to God as an approved worker who has nothing to be ashamed of, handling the word of truth with precision.
May the truth, in the end, conquer all…
The class:
My seminar on social classes is proving to be even more frustrating than I had originally thought. Its odd, I love it for the simple fact that I am surrounded by so many naturally brilliant and genuinely curious people. I am, however, often disgruntled by my encounters with my professor. Walking to class every Tuesday and Thursday, I have to fight back the feeling that I’m preparing myself for a battering. This professor is considered one of the best in the school, yet I find her very difficult to communicate with. Part of the reason is that we disagree on much. She is a very liberal democrat with strong socialist and feminist undertones…what’s more, she assumes a lot about the “obvious” political opinions of anyone who is truly educated. I feel a bit like I am back in high school with complete one sided teaching that borders on indoctrination at times. The only difference is that these are the exact opposites to all the packaged arguments I heard at DCS. I’m not frustrated by the presence of these poles, in fact, I think they are good for society, but I am frustrated by not feeling like there is a way to find the truth, which often seems to lie somewhere in limbo between them. In the midst of my willingness to respectfully take the other side of these arguments, I find myself holding back. I see flaws in her statistics, but I know perfectly well that those found in a lot of opposing documents are flawed too. Do I fight crap with crap? I don’t think so. In addition, I find that my questions and contradictions to her arguments are automatically met with a presupposition of my “platform” in the far right. This I suppose is fair, since I know I calculate her under a similar ruler.
And while much of what I am learning in this class I disagree with, my eyes are unquestionably being opened to a side of our society which I had before been sheltered to. It is, in a way, refreshing to feel like I’m finally getting the other side of the story…the benefits of welfare, the genuine problems with tax cuts, the truly repulsive waste that happens every day in our government. But these truths, combined with some questions about the wisdom of conservative policy, can prove to be hard to swallow. In fact, as much as I love the discovery of new points of view, I am noticing that the truth can be as disillusioning as it can be inspirational.
The verses:
Dad was sharing some verses with me the other day that proved very challenging to me. Take a peek at Matt. 13:24-30. It’s a parable that Jesus tells about wheat and weeds. The parable essentially explains that Christ knew full well that Christians would be surrounded by faithless, godless people…in fact, for some reason He desires us to continue to grow right along with them. In fact, he says, “if you pull out the weeds, you might pull out the wheat with them.” And while these verses clearly state that the parable is talking about people, I started wondering if it applies to ideas and intellect. I get the sense more and more as I am intellectually trained in a very dark place that God intentionally allows lies to penetrate my surrounding so that truth itself is not damaged by the removal of the lies. …this seems like such a paradox and an anti Christian thing to say, but let me explain. As I said above, I get the sense that very often the truth lies between two extremes. By themselves, these two poles are lies, but together, they may guide us to the truth. C.S. Lewis discusses this in Mere Christianity…he says that one of the devil’s best tricks is making us acutely aware of one evil and getting us to work so hard at steering clear of this evil that we end up falling into another. God calls us, rather, to be wise as serpents…making ourselves aware of the lies on both ends and finding a way to walk steadily between them. If this is true, than the removal of the extremes of arguments, of morality, and of opinion could be devastating to our discovery of truth. …for a fish to understand that the water it lives it is what keeps it alive, it must first be exposed to air…
The Play:
A good friend of mine was recently in an MU production of “The Crucible” which I went to see on Thursday night. It’s a story about the Salem witch trials, written as a political argument during the time of the Communist trials in the states in the 1950’s. Here in 2006, it was being used as an argument against the Bush policies for the questioning and detaining and mistreating of terrorist suspects during the war. Fair enough. I went in prepared to think critically about the political implications. I wasn’t prepared for the personal ones though.
The premise of this play goes far beyond the search for witches, the injustice of the judicial system, the consequences of vengeance, and the hipocricy and blindness of the church…it deals with truth on the deepest levels…truth in the hearts of every man on earth. Throughout the plot it becomes increasingly plain that the power of lies and hate are strong, and the truth is neither easy to discern nor comfortable to vocalize. It is by the “truth” of confession of sin that each of the accused is finally released from prison…but to confess is also to lie. For those courageous enough to choose truth over release, the gallows await. In the final scenes, the lead, John Proctor, who has fought and failed to convince the jury of the true witches, is given one last chance to confess in order to save his own life. He speaks to his wife in anguish, saying that he is more than willing to go the gallows but knows full well that to do so would be a falsehood in itself. “I am John Proctor,” he says, “in whom I see no good. I am as black as any, and to hang next to a saint would be to shame her. For me, to tell the truth would be a farce, for it would declare me a martyr when I am only a sinner.” He signs a confession with an anguished spirit, and then the pastor demands it, ready to nail to the church door. John refuses, saying that to place his name upon the door would be to condemn all of those who had already been killed. Finally, this rational causes him to rip the confession and be lead to his death.
This play asked the questions which I perceive to be the hardest of any that a Christian must grapple with: are there some elements to truth which vary based on the person? Does defense of the truth sometimes call for a lie? Is staying true to ones convictions more or less important than actions which may illuminate the truth for many in the end? It was ultimately a frustrating catch 22 and an extremely moving performance. If’ you ever get the chance, go see it.
The life:
Several times in the last few weeks I’ve been faced with the frustrating choice between speaking truth and showing grace. As a member of the body of Christ, I find this issue to be increasingly difficult. College is full of people from every different background and creed imaginable…and I’m not just talking unbelievers…I’m talking Christians too. One increasingly complex example is a new friendship that I am building with one of the freshman music majors here. He is a sweetheart, a talented musician, a Christian, and also a homosexual. He started coming to Intervarsity very soon after school started and has been quite faithful ever since. This is a very unique situation for our group…the chances of a gay guy walking into our circle is about 1/10,000…and I have been SO PROUD of my circle of friends who have taken roles in befriending, encouraging, and spiritually sharpening him already. Yet I am also scared. I believe that homosexuality is a sin…no worse or better than any other sin that any of us commit, but a sin none the less. I also believe that God calls Christians to exhort other believers in what the Bible says…I believe that God asks us to keep a watch out for sinful patterns in each other’s lives and call each other on them. I believe that the truth should be shared with boldness.
However, on a campus like Millikin, I am increasingly aware that if we drive this guy away he will be accepted with open arms into 49 other groups on campus. He has dealt with so much hatred and judgment from the church already…I do not want to become another example of a holier-than-thou community. And in the midst of all of this, I have become acutely aware of the major difference between him and myself: I am able to hide my sin…he cannot. I’ve been practicing this charade since I was little…learning how to effectively cover up my black heart with smiles and warmth and service and passion and worship. And the church is a whole group of people who have learned to do the same thing. If you want open and honest relationships that do not attempt to hide their insufficiencies the church is often the last place to go. We as believers have bought into the nonsense that our fellowships should be perfect, sinless, and unfaltering. It is no wonder that girls who become pregnant outside of marriage often just leave the church rather than facing the congregation. This is more than facing the shame of sin, it is facing a group of people and being the only one who “got caught” in sin. Surely this is not the type of church that we are called to…surely the grace of God is big enough that we can share it within our own congregations…surely we can find a way to speak truth without forever alienating our own brothers and sisters.
And yet, this “surely” is as vague and cloudy to me right now as anything. I cannot solve the puzzle. I keep praying that God will use this time of uncertainty to help me cleanse my own heart, and then give me courage to speak up when the time comes. I know that at some point this opportunity will come around. Please pray for strength to stand up in it.
And so, through the last 2 weeks and the longest blog imaginable, I am still unable to say that I understand the concept of truth. I do pray though that I may become they type of believer found in 2 Tim 2:15: Do your best to present yourself to God as an approved worker who has nothing to be ashamed of, handling the word of truth with precision.
May the truth, in the end, conquer all…
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