it was a day for counting blessings....not just because there were many but because God put me in a mindset to notice them. praise the lord. Today blessings are not just about a happy feeling, they are about a realization of how little I truely deserve, how insignificant I really am, and how completely and utterly significant I am because of a bridegroom who loves me despite my unfaithfulness.
Tonight I'm thankful because...
~ My studying is paying off in decent grades and, more importantly, learning that really means something in my target field
~ I'm approaching a much needed break
~ I have friends around me who care enough to give me space when I need it and to get in my face when I think I need space but really need connection...the good, messy connection that God places between people with genuine needs, strengths, and sins.
~ I'm bothered by injustice in new ways every day...and begining to look for ways to more actively seek its retribution
~ Its raining outside...a lot...maybe Decatur won't have to get a new lake after all
~ I am surrounded by adults who model strong marriages, friends who teach me what it means to love genuinely, and friends who feel more like family
~ my summer soybean project is drawing to a close
~ my life is filled with music
~ I am able to read and think...and to feel resonnance with truth, even in the most bizzare places
~ I get to see my Jackie dear this weekend...it's been far too long
~ My God does not love me more or less for what I do...I have His love simply by accepting it
its good to count every now and again...to remember not to take these things for granted. to remember that part of living life abundantly is taking the time to notice them.
Monday, October 15, 2007
Tuesday, October 09, 2007
~tuesday ramble~
random time to blog
it's tuesday afternoon and I got very little sleep last night thanks to a pair of papers that had me running as though from fire tied to my own tail (think Khan in the Jungle Book). However, my Tuesday morning "no class" grace period (which has saved me more than once this semester) was incredibly productive and I have just sent them both to the printer sitting across the lab from me. One is a Biochemistry research proposal, which has seen me in the library searching databases at every spare minute the past week or so. I feel very insufficient to be proposing research that actually matters this much...after all, who am I to know what the scientific community needs??? Nevertheless, I've been sifting through page after page and article after article of past research about beta-blocker (blood-pressure lowering) medicines and have finally found what my teacher calls "a hole". And so...I'm doing it...proposing some research which has never been done before but which might actually matter in a clinical setting in the near future. Scary. Enantiomers and Carvedilol and vasodilation and alpha receptors. I won't bore you with the details, especially since I don't understand some of them... :) The second paper was a physics lab write up of even more boring content but a slightly more understandable concept. Let's hope both show the work I put in on them.
Hard to believe it's mid-October already. Celebrated Jared's home-going a few days ago and marveled at how far God has brought me and wondered why it still hurts this much after all this time. I was at a retreat two weekends ago and the speaker talked a lot about sin, which he says Christians have a warped perception of. He discussed the different types, and focused very heavily on the end result of all sin: death. And he challenged us to view death differently in light of sin...we feel it impact and cut through us because it is opposite of our calling. As we live in this world we can experience parts of Christ's kingdom thanks to his sacrifice, but until the new earth is established, some residues of sin reign supreme. Death, then, should not be something that we fear as we understand Christ's sacrifice, but it should seem out of place and even unfair. Our souls were made for the type of world which is completely saved by Christ's blood, in which sin and death have no place. Christ's victory over death has come, but until he passes final judgment on all mankind, we will not see it completely abolished. And while we can see this as frustrating, we must remember that it is out of love, and a desire to see all men come to himself that God puts us in this "here but not yet" kingdom limbo. Praise Him for his perfect timing...his perfect plan.
It's felt a bit more like summer than anything around here lately. My roomies and I finally turned the AC back on this week as temps pushed 95 again. I'm definitely ready for some hoodie weather. Stuff in the house is going well, and we're all having to learn to be patient with each other's messes. Not just physical but emotional and spiritual. Living together, you can't really get away from whatever messes you carry around with you or leave in the kitchen sink...and that's what makes the relationships good and real and whole. I'm trying hard not to get tunnel-visioned as the only non-music major (and the only one who has to "book study" with increasing frequency). I hope I'm not too self-absorbed.
Last weekend I took a 24 hour pass to DeKalb to visit Matt...my schedule (rediculous as always) did not permit any more time as I had to sing at the homecoming service with U-Choir on Sunday AM. However, we got to have a fun little patch of time together and with a bunch of his friends. The roomate that I met is a sweet guy and they seem to have a very low stress and high fun living environment. We made brownies, enjoyed some "cheese", watched their newest tv addiction "Heroes", made french toast brunch (3 varieties....amAzing), and hung out with a bunch of his music friends. He showed me around campus and I got to see the "sacred" practice rooms and instruments with a few mini-recitals to boot. Much fun. It was rough to leave after such a short time but great to get to catch up and feel a bit more apart of his school life.
Outside of school I've been tutoring a bit and TAing a genetics lab. Both provide a bit of extra cash and a chance to share some knowledge with those a few years behind me. There's something about teaching that is extremely fulfilling to me...I love being able to see kids as they struggle with something and then finally break through into understanding. And I love thinking that maybe something I said or did helped in the process. Good stuff.
One more week and I'll be headed to Nashville on spring break to see Jackie and visit a grad school down there. So much to do before then!! Pray for me that I can take the time I need to work through some personal and InterVarsity issues in and around the school load. God is faithful and I'm learning more and more that when I'm not big enough I start to see him for the first time. May it always be so.
Blessings to you all!!
it's tuesday afternoon and I got very little sleep last night thanks to a pair of papers that had me running as though from fire tied to my own tail (think Khan in the Jungle Book). However, my Tuesday morning "no class" grace period (which has saved me more than once this semester) was incredibly productive and I have just sent them both to the printer sitting across the lab from me. One is a Biochemistry research proposal, which has seen me in the library searching databases at every spare minute the past week or so. I feel very insufficient to be proposing research that actually matters this much...after all, who am I to know what the scientific community needs??? Nevertheless, I've been sifting through page after page and article after article of past research about beta-blocker (blood-pressure lowering) medicines and have finally found what my teacher calls "a hole". And so...I'm doing it...proposing some research which has never been done before but which might actually matter in a clinical setting in the near future. Scary. Enantiomers and Carvedilol and vasodilation and alpha receptors. I won't bore you with the details, especially since I don't understand some of them... :) The second paper was a physics lab write up of even more boring content but a slightly more understandable concept. Let's hope both show the work I put in on them.
Hard to believe it's mid-October already. Celebrated Jared's home-going a few days ago and marveled at how far God has brought me and wondered why it still hurts this much after all this time. I was at a retreat two weekends ago and the speaker talked a lot about sin, which he says Christians have a warped perception of. He discussed the different types, and focused very heavily on the end result of all sin: death. And he challenged us to view death differently in light of sin...we feel it impact and cut through us because it is opposite of our calling. As we live in this world we can experience parts of Christ's kingdom thanks to his sacrifice, but until the new earth is established, some residues of sin reign supreme. Death, then, should not be something that we fear as we understand Christ's sacrifice, but it should seem out of place and even unfair. Our souls were made for the type of world which is completely saved by Christ's blood, in which sin and death have no place. Christ's victory over death has come, but until he passes final judgment on all mankind, we will not see it completely abolished. And while we can see this as frustrating, we must remember that it is out of love, and a desire to see all men come to himself that God puts us in this "here but not yet" kingdom limbo. Praise Him for his perfect timing...his perfect plan.
It's felt a bit more like summer than anything around here lately. My roomies and I finally turned the AC back on this week as temps pushed 95 again. I'm definitely ready for some hoodie weather. Stuff in the house is going well, and we're all having to learn to be patient with each other's messes. Not just physical but emotional and spiritual. Living together, you can't really get away from whatever messes you carry around with you or leave in the kitchen sink...and that's what makes the relationships good and real and whole. I'm trying hard not to get tunnel-visioned as the only non-music major (and the only one who has to "book study" with increasing frequency). I hope I'm not too self-absorbed.
Last weekend I took a 24 hour pass to DeKalb to visit Matt...my schedule (rediculous as always) did not permit any more time as I had to sing at the homecoming service with U-Choir on Sunday AM. However, we got to have a fun little patch of time together and with a bunch of his friends. The roomate that I met is a sweet guy and they seem to have a very low stress and high fun living environment. We made brownies, enjoyed some "cheese", watched their newest tv addiction "Heroes", made french toast brunch (3 varieties....amAzing), and hung out with a bunch of his music friends. He showed me around campus and I got to see the "sacred" practice rooms and instruments with a few mini-recitals to boot. Much fun. It was rough to leave after such a short time but great to get to catch up and feel a bit more apart of his school life.
Outside of school I've been tutoring a bit and TAing a genetics lab. Both provide a bit of extra cash and a chance to share some knowledge with those a few years behind me. There's something about teaching that is extremely fulfilling to me...I love being able to see kids as they struggle with something and then finally break through into understanding. And I love thinking that maybe something I said or did helped in the process. Good stuff.
One more week and I'll be headed to Nashville on spring break to see Jackie and visit a grad school down there. So much to do before then!! Pray for me that I can take the time I need to work through some personal and InterVarsity issues in and around the school load. God is faithful and I'm learning more and more that when I'm not big enough I start to see him for the first time. May it always be so.
Blessings to you all!!
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