Cedarville University
11:30 PM

Tonight I walked around after the final session to think and pray and explore a little. The grass was wet and my flip flop broke so I took off my shoes and walked in the grass. I love wet grass. I wandered down to the lake/pond here on campus. It’s been laughed at all week for its size, but tonight it truly did look idyllic. The wide, darkening sky and lights reflecting off its surface made it truly beautiful. We had a huge thunderstorm this afternoon and after the rain and the wind everything was extremely calm. I followed the grass around, aimlessly wandering and found a little bridge and fountain. It’s the part of campus clearly dedicated to aesthetics…and calling the pensive and the romantic. It’s my guess that more than one female Cedarville student has dreamt of sharing her first kiss on that bridge. For their sakes I hope it happened to.

Tonight I heard, hands down, the BEST explanation of the biggest problem students have with Christianity. “If God is so loving and so powerful, why am I sitting in the middle of evil? Why do people die, why do children get murdered, why do tsunamis take the lives of thousands?” Our speaker did not mince words…in fact, he shot down most of the cliché responses to this question and even a few responses that seem legitimate. He explained the logical and emotional reasons that people “pick a bone” with God…and he explained the reasoning that other worldviews give to the problem of evil. He pointed out that most people turn away from their belief in God because they are mad. Mad at who?? God. People understand the hurt of pain but they cannot come up with anyone to “blame” but Him. People who do bad things can be disregarded as immoral, natural disasters can be shirked as “unavoidable”, accidents can be passed off as the ultimate example of the randomness of life. But GOD…God should be able to handle all of this…and the presence of evil is truly unavoidable.

Ultimately, as the speaker pointed out tonight there is no “solution” to this problem…but there can be resolution as we begin to understand who it is that Christ has promised to be in our daily lives. I wish I had paid more attention to the verses that I read when I was little…to the ones that says that Christ doesn’t just forgive our sins but bears our sorrows (Isaiah 53). God has never promised that we would be without pain…but he has given a part of himself to feel the pain right along with us. As if the pain and blackness of our sins weren’t enough, Jesus has promised to feel everything that we do.

Ever paid attention to the shortest verse in the Bible? One of Jesus’ best friends has been sick, and even though he could have gone to help he doesn’t. The friend dies…and when Jesus finally shows up, Mary does not even try to hold back her frustration. “Jesus…if you had just come…just showed up…or even spoke the words from where you were, my brother might still be alive!!” …And Jesus, who knows full well that in 5 minutes Lazareth will be back from the dead, does not bother Mary with “it’s ok…just wait, this is gonna turn out GREAT!” Jesus doesn’t ask Mary for “more faith” or tell her “oh, this is just a growing experience.” No…he weeps with her. He takes her in his arms and feels her grief. He shows his human side, but more than that he shows us that he cannot ignore our pain. He has promised to bear it all. And after he has finished holding her, crying with her, he walks across the lawn and performs his most spectacular work yet to be seen on earth.

Our speaker also challenged us tonight that God created a world that he knew would fall not because he wanted us to go through crap but because he knew that we must have free will in order to truly love him back. God knew that a redeemed world, even one that was filled with hate and lies and pain, would ultimately be better than a world that had never fallen at all. Because let’s face it…if we were still in the garden, still perfect, and still living a life free from evil and sin, would we even take the time to realize that God was there?? But when we as his children are forgiven, comforted, and then redeemed to actually do good…then will we be able to look at our savior with love and run to him in helpless abandon. Wow. …wow….

I’ve just tried to nutshell about 1.5 hours of the 8+ hours of teaching I had today alone. And I don’t have time in this message to talk about the amazing worship sessions we’ve been having too. Or the slip-and-slide that we did today. Or the fantastic people here. Or the things God has been teaching me about being content with the person that I am no matter what I see around me.

Please pray for protection and faith to walk through the fiery darts that Satan is sending our way. It’s amazing how many kids have gotten calls in the last 48 hours about failing relatives, friends on death’s doorstep, or friends with new drug addictions. Thanks Lord for the teaching that we need…

I love you all…feel free to call me any time…I like voicemails!!
In his peace,


Me

~~ bittersweet ~~

I’m in a weird mood…not at all the type of mood I expected to be in right before I leave on my little “adventure” to Summit for the next two weeks. I kinda anticipated being totally jazzed about going…bouncing around and throwing clothes and Frisbees into a suitcase with all the loud songs and annoying movie quotes I could muster for background noise. But here I am in the middle of the afternoon sitting down to blog. I can’t remember the last time that happened. Interesting.

NOT to say that I’m not excited about Summit…I think it’s gonna be an incredible experience, although I’ve been warned that it will be like trying to drink out of a fire hydrant. I’m ready to learn and be challenged and given tools. And yeah, I’m ready to go meet some new people and see new places (although I know it’s gonna suck when I have to say “goodbye till heaven” at the end of 14 days). I’m driving out on my own, which is new and will be kind of fun. And I really am ready for a bit of an independence streak. But today was one of those days that caught me off guard…actually, this whole week did. God reminded me in a ton of ways how much He has given me here at home. It’s nice to remember those things when I get itching to “get out and do something big.”

Dad left for England on Tuesday, so the family has been sticking close these last couple of days. That has been a blast…many spades games and some movies and just chats on the living room floor. Why does it take a plane flight to London for me to get my act together and connect with people that live under the same roof as me? Hmmm… I’ve also been trying to get the house ready/lawn mowed/phone calls made around the house and have been working a fair amount.

I came home on Thursday night after the first genuinely FUN night of work I can ever remember. It was still work…I was still cleaning up after people, but I had a great night with a couple of the aides I’m working with (which included wheelchair races at one point of severe boredom) and also had some incredibly sweet patients…the kind that make you WANT to go back in and make sure there’s no linen on the floor and their water still has ice in it. Then there was the bitter part of the sweet…a lady who was fully functional only 48 hours earlier had fallen and had a stroke. She was disoriented and unresponsive verbally, but her eyes told it all. As I went in to check on her before I left, she wouldn’t stop touching me, trying so hard to tell me something…and although I was not able to hear what she was saying, her face was speaking volumes. I held her hand and got hit once again by the brevity of life…by the peace and love that she had received earlier while her daughter was in the room…by the suddenness of change. Lord may I never take one SECOND of my life for granted…

I’ve had the last two days off…got to have breakfast with Laura and Bethany, lunch with the family before I leave, and dinner (and a surprise breakfast extension) with Jackie and Andrew. Man I love all those kids. I cannot deserve such amazing friends, but I know God has placed them here specifically to teach me what I need. I feel like being with them is like communing with God himself sometimes…like sipping a little drop from the huge cup of Heaven’s glory. But as Andrew said today when we left “the time never satisfies”…and I got to thinking, isn’t that how it’s supposed to be?? Appetizers always leave us wanting more. And more there will be…

And now here I sit, with most of the clothing I own sitting in a suitcase and with my mind pondering all that I’ve heard and learned over the past couple of days. I feel like I can’t grasp it all lately. Like I can’t string everything together into one lesson. Like I’m learning by flashcards and not by a text book. I covet your prayers these next two weeks as I dive in to all of the knowledge that is about to be set before me and hope I come up with one teaspoon full to really hold on to. Pray that I will learn to listen more, to find conviction often, and to freely confess the things that are getting in the way. Pray that I can minister to the people I meet. Pray for patience. Thanks much.

Blessings on you all…give me a call if you want to especially during drive time. If you’re reading this, chances are I’m praying for you too.

Me

Time flies when...

...you're alive...

I've given up trying to pinpoint what it is that makes my life go at breakneck speeds. Sometimes it feels like that's just part of life. Oh well, enjoy what you can and hold on tight!!

So I guess summer hasn't made me any more dedicated to this blog...bummer. I just got done with my third straight 12 hour shift this week...and despite the fact that I have to be up again in 7 hours, I'm gonna do a quick post and catch up on life. NO MORE WORK FOR TWO DAYS!! :D

Let's see...I guess I'll start way back in May...the last week of it I spent up in Wiscosin at Chapter Focus Week, a training camp for Intervarsity leadership team. An 11 hour drive to the UP landed us on a beautiful camp site...surrounded by Lake Huron and smothered in cedar pines. This was an incredibly intense week that was a huge challenge and also a blast. I did a hard core study of the book of mark (ever done 6 hours of bible study every day for a week???) and met some amazing people in that class. My small group was clearly divinely put together...these people were so eager and giving...we had some amazing discussions and learned a ton. The evenings were dedicated to worship and prayer times with both the whole group and our smaller groups from each campus. Millikin's coordinators did a lot of work on specific goals and vision for the next year. We had a fantastic team and are prayerfully anticipating the start of next semester. Please pray for us if you will...this is an organization that has struggled at MU, but it is filled with some very dedicated students. Pray that we can have an effect on the people...pray that we will be bold to take on every day obstacles and not just let them slide because "that's the way it is."

I came home exhausted but very excited...only to land in the middle of graduation season. Great to see some of my buddies at all the parties...and hard to believe that only a year ago that was me! Highschool seems like a different world. I'm so excited to see where God takes all these people and how they will grow and change. Excited...and sad to see them go.

Work is in full swing now, and I'm greatly enjoying being on a mid shift and not having to pull nights anymore. I like the feeling of not being a "newbie" anymore, and generally having the respect of my co-workers. I've been making it a goal lately to change the perspective of difficult patients as I can...I make it a bit of a game...whenever someone passes on "she's impossible" or "you'll be in that room all day" I attempt to change the outlook while I'm on duty. It really is amazing how much a person's attitude will change with a little encouragement. And even when it doesn't, I find my attitude stays more likeable when I'm trying hard to change theirs.

We kicked off a summer college bible study this week, and had a great turnout for the night. I am really looking forward to the discussions we'll have...although being a leader scares me to death. I was reminded how many sharpening friends I've been blessed with as we sat around and talked that night. I hope this summer will be both helpful and encouraging to everyone in the group.

In other news (my sleep is shortening by the minute so I'll be brief):

~Zach and Tina got engaged...I get to be in the wedding and can't wait to help with all the details
~Dad's headed to England for 3 weeks next wednesday
~I discovered this past week that TJ will be in Junior High next year, is over 5 feet, and has arrived in the "girls are still weird but might be likeable" stage. WHEN DID THAT HAPPEN??
~Casey and I had a sister's day...spent way to much money and had a great time
~The first girl from our class is now officially married. Word on the street is that at least 4 more grads from our class will follow next summer if all goes as planned.
~I leave for Summit in Ohio in just over a week...can't wait
~the movie "Rumor has it" is not worth your time, so don't watch it
~ Annie and Aaron get married this weekend...got to finish that quilt!!

hope that everyone is doing well...sorry this got so long!! Hey, life is crazy but it's also summer time, so give me a jingle by golly!! Hope you are enjoying the ride,

me