~~ bittersweet ~~

I’m in a weird mood…not at all the type of mood I expected to be in right before I leave on my little “adventure” to Summit for the next two weeks. I kinda anticipated being totally jazzed about going…bouncing around and throwing clothes and Frisbees into a suitcase with all the loud songs and annoying movie quotes I could muster for background noise. But here I am in the middle of the afternoon sitting down to blog. I can’t remember the last time that happened. Interesting.

NOT to say that I’m not excited about Summit…I think it’s gonna be an incredible experience, although I’ve been warned that it will be like trying to drink out of a fire hydrant. I’m ready to learn and be challenged and given tools. And yeah, I’m ready to go meet some new people and see new places (although I know it’s gonna suck when I have to say “goodbye till heaven” at the end of 14 days). I’m driving out on my own, which is new and will be kind of fun. And I really am ready for a bit of an independence streak. But today was one of those days that caught me off guard…actually, this whole week did. God reminded me in a ton of ways how much He has given me here at home. It’s nice to remember those things when I get itching to “get out and do something big.”

Dad left for England on Tuesday, so the family has been sticking close these last couple of days. That has been a blast…many spades games and some movies and just chats on the living room floor. Why does it take a plane flight to London for me to get my act together and connect with people that live under the same roof as me? Hmmm… I’ve also been trying to get the house ready/lawn mowed/phone calls made around the house and have been working a fair amount.

I came home on Thursday night after the first genuinely FUN night of work I can ever remember. It was still work…I was still cleaning up after people, but I had a great night with a couple of the aides I’m working with (which included wheelchair races at one point of severe boredom) and also had some incredibly sweet patients…the kind that make you WANT to go back in and make sure there’s no linen on the floor and their water still has ice in it. Then there was the bitter part of the sweet…a lady who was fully functional only 48 hours earlier had fallen and had a stroke. She was disoriented and unresponsive verbally, but her eyes told it all. As I went in to check on her before I left, she wouldn’t stop touching me, trying so hard to tell me something…and although I was not able to hear what she was saying, her face was speaking volumes. I held her hand and got hit once again by the brevity of life…by the peace and love that she had received earlier while her daughter was in the room…by the suddenness of change. Lord may I never take one SECOND of my life for granted…

I’ve had the last two days off…got to have breakfast with Laura and Bethany, lunch with the family before I leave, and dinner (and a surprise breakfast extension) with Jackie and Andrew. Man I love all those kids. I cannot deserve such amazing friends, but I know God has placed them here specifically to teach me what I need. I feel like being with them is like communing with God himself sometimes…like sipping a little drop from the huge cup of Heaven’s glory. But as Andrew said today when we left “the time never satisfies”…and I got to thinking, isn’t that how it’s supposed to be?? Appetizers always leave us wanting more. And more there will be…

And now here I sit, with most of the clothing I own sitting in a suitcase and with my mind pondering all that I’ve heard and learned over the past couple of days. I feel like I can’t grasp it all lately. Like I can’t string everything together into one lesson. Like I’m learning by flashcards and not by a text book. I covet your prayers these next two weeks as I dive in to all of the knowledge that is about to be set before me and hope I come up with one teaspoon full to really hold on to. Pray that I will learn to listen more, to find conviction often, and to freely confess the things that are getting in the way. Pray that I can minister to the people I meet. Pray for patience. Thanks much.

Blessings on you all…give me a call if you want to especially during drive time. If you’re reading this, chances are I’m praying for you too.

Me