If you're reading this, you're invited

Hey y'all...here's how it's going down...On Jan. 2 our buddy Chris (if you don't know him leave this blog...) is going to be in town and I'm having a party at my house. Please come!! By the way, for those of you who have siblings that are Jordans age or just know these cool kids and want to come and hang out...bring them all...anyone's invited. We'll make tacos and nachos...I'd appreciate it if guys could bring some soda and girls some snacks or desserts...also if you need directions just let me know! I hope you all can come...Later!

a thunk for your thinker

CS Lewis and I had a ramble last night after a whole day of studying and he hit me in the forhead as he began talking about how satan gets christians concerned about the wrong things. It seems that very often in the church we are put at odds with each other over trivial errors in the faith and its application. Lewis explains:

"I feel a strong desire to tell you-- and I expect you feel a strong desire to tell me-- which of these two errors is the worse. That is the devil getting at us. He always sends errors into the world in pairs--pairs of opposites. And he always encourages us to spend a lot of time thinking which is the worse. You see why of course? He relies on your extra dislike of the one error to draw you gradually into the opposite one. But do not let us be fooled. We have to keep our eyes on the goal and go straight through between both errors. We have no other concern than that with either of them."

Let your heart chew on that one for a minute, and realize the incredible love of God, who continues to pursue us even though our free will causes us to stray every day. ...Who follows us deep into those crevices, where by backing away from the cliff we are entering a deep, dark cave. He patiently watches us travel horizontally, piously avoiding the worst of two evils, and all the time He is calling us from above, and waiting for us to stop and listen.

Praise be to our Father, who gave his life for us and calls us only to put our feet in His hands.
Blessings,

cliff notes....

VESPERS...amazing...totally surreal...one of those "everyone pull together or stand back and watch it collapse" experiences...ugly red dresses...crazy amounts of practice...draining and totally rewarding week...

PAPERS.....several of them....one about roly-polys that is gonna be about 14 pages long....who does that.....go figure....I'm pretty tired of making up homework that I should have done last week...

FRIENDS...vespers=awesome bonding for the choir kids....much fun and many late night practices and runs to steak and shake....finally found the group that I want to chill with for the rest of the year....mostly music majors...tons of fun....no alchohol needed....holy cow, what a concept...self proclaimed "Jesus people" rock my world....thanks lord....

FINALS....breathing down my neck but not quite here....got to enjoy my grandparents as much as possible before then....wishing that DCS had made me take one final in all of my time there....prayers would be nice.....

CHAPTER6......everytime I see those guys I'm amazed...such an awesome testimony...in your face...good stuff....new christmas songs and a fight with the circut breaker...lots of laughs...hot cocoa...

BED....you mean sleep....as in vertical rest...as in more than last night.....hmm...ok...you convinced me.....

Be still...

Still is something I don't do too often. Stop...listen...sit...meditate...breathe...wonder... These are the things my independent and flurried nature often forget to allow. In the midst of a crazy service sunday, God caught me by the collar and whispered a few important words to me. "Be STILL...and KNOW that I am God. Come to me. Learn to trust by sitting in my lap instead of running ahead and wondering when I'll catch up. Stop inviting the frustration of spinning your wheels. Feel the healing of being effective again. Will you just WAIT??" Yet another beautiful hymn that I missed in my growing up years and have come to appreciate recently...dust off that hymnal if you don't know the tune:

Be still, my soul: the Lord is on thy side.
Bear patiently the cross of grief or pain.
Leave to thy God to order and provide;
In every change, He faithful will remain.
Be still, my soul: thy best, thy heavenly Friend
Through thorny ways leads to a joyful end.

Be still, my soul: thy God doth undertake
To guide the future, as He has the past.
Thy hope, thy confidence let nothing shake;
All now mysterious shall be bright at last.
Be still, my soul: the waves and winds still know
His voice Who ruled them while He dwelt below.

Be still, my soul: the hour is hastening on
When we shall be forever with the Lord.
When disappointment, grief and fear are gone,
Sorrow forgot, love’s purest joys restored.
Be still, my soul: when change and tears are past
All safe and blessèd we shall meet at last.

Be still, my soul: begin the song of praise
On earth, be leaving, to Thy Lord on high;
Acknowledge Him in all thy words and ways,
So shall He view thee with a well pleased eye.
Be still, my soul: the Sun of life divine
Through passing clouds shall but more brightly shine.

May we all learn to invite his peace and calm into our lives, which are not really ours at all. Blessings to you~

the ugly, the bad, and the just plain good...

Holy cow, and greetings all!!

It seems like yesterday that I was prattling away on here in my last entry, and yet somehow more than a week has slipped by. Guess I really am busy over here. Allow me to fill you in:

Let's see...I think I left you the night before our departure for the IV conference in Dekalb. We spent last weekend up there and it was really good. Hard...but good. It was a racial conference for white people. ...yeah, that's what I thought too...what in the world is this about?? But it turned out to be one of the most challenging weekends I've been through for a long time. We always recognize that different ethnicities have connotations projected by the color of their skin, but we very rarely stop to wonder what the connotations attached to ours are. Wow...it's sad guys....it's devestating...it makes me want to puke...puke and then go throw my heart and soul into changing things, one person at a time. We had an awesome 3 days of teaching, prayer, worship, and confession....and came home with a challenge to "stay in pain." There's an interesting thought for you...how are we to keep doing God's work if we are not kept in pain, and reminded thereby that there is a problem? Perhaps this is the whole reason for the suffering that we are promised on our straight and narrow journey.

In contrast to the heavy deep and real subjects we covered in the conference, God sent me a huge blessing...I got to visit with Matt H for a good while and we played some frisbee in the rain (frisbee withdrawl finally curbed...for now...) and an endless game of pool with some other kids from the group. It was so nice to see him again and be encouraged and laugh with an old pal. Thanks bud!! God also granted me a great time with the 3 other millikin girls who attended. These girls are awesome and will keep me focused, lifted up in prayer, and laughing too. :)

Sunday afternoon, after a stuff your face mexican feed (guac and salsa made right at the table...yeah budddy) we headed home and drove onto campus 10 minutes before our first vespers rehersal. That was quite possibly the weirdest experience I've had in a while...but so cool too. It's official...my dad is the best there is...

This week is really a blur that I'm having trouble sorting out at this point. Classes are good for the most part, but each day comes with it's new set of challenges. A discussion that I have to "stand up" in the midst of, an embarassing moment (or 5), a ruined chemistry lab (...oh, it's burnt alright...), a bad grade on a huge paper, a forboding feeling of loneliness that I can't shake. And yet in the midst of things, as classes heat up and the semester presses on I am finding more and more aquaintances that just may become good friends in the future. PATIENCE! ...not too good at that one.

This weekend I attended "The Baker's Wife," our theater department's latest production. I also babysat for 6 hours saturday afternoon and worked at the hospital saturday night. Today was church, lunch, shopping, church choir practice, and then vespers rehersal. aka...I have no voice now... :) We are singing some amazing pieces...and I'm just praying that the incredible message carried in each will somehow penetrate the faces sitting all around me. That's one cool thing about choir music...it's allowed to be blatantly sacred. This is one area where christians have done well in keeping up with the world and producing truth in a form that's both amazing and acccepted by the general public. Anyway, long ways to come...but the dream of finally being in this production during the first week in December just about has me giddy....

This week I'm doing a ton of random stuff...presentation of our roly poly project in bio...Vocal Jazz concert (I am jazzed...no pun intended) Tuesday, huge test Friday, vocal Jury on Saturday morning. ...and, praise the lord, life goes on.

I'd appreciate prayers for:
-my health...I'm stretched and I need good vocal chords this week especially!
-some personal jazz that's been challenging me...self control and peace needed
-strength to minister to those around me...and the determination to keep looking around and seeing the need.

May I leave you with a verse that we were challenged with last weekend. How quickly I forget that none of God's commandments or promises are on my terms. ...from Isaiah 58

For day after day they seek me out; they seem eager to know my ways, as if they were a nation that does what is right...they ask me for decisions and seem eager for God to come near them. "Why have we fasted," they say, " and you have not seen it?? Why have we humbled ourselves and you have not noticed??" Yet on the day fo your fasting, you do as you please, and exploit all your workers. Your fasting ends in quarrels and strife...you cannot fast as you do today and expect your voice to be heard on high....is this not the kind of fasting that I have chosen??...that you share your food with the hungry and provide the poor wanderer with shelter-- when you see the naked to clothe him, and not to turn away from your own flesh and blood?? THEN your light will break forth like the dawn and your healing will quickly appear...THEN you will call and the Lord will answer, you willl cry for help, and he will say: here I am...

I'm praying for you all...have an awesome week...I'm off to hit the hay hard!! :) Blessings and love~~

me

a nutshell for you...

Hey y'all...

Not much time but I thought I'd drop a line for anyone who cares to read this. It's been a very busy week and time is simply flying. Vespers rehersals start on Sunday, Advising is next week, final projects, speeches, and group work are at their climax, and I'm getting tight with the roly polys here (ever spent 3 hours poking them and recording their behavior?? I have...) This morning was Ray Pinkley's funeral...a stunning tribute to a fantastic guy. I had never been to a millitary man's burial...it was very moving. Keep praying for Mrs. Pinkley...she was amazingly joyful but I know that she is hurting too.

This weekend I am going up to NIU for a Intervarsity retreat...not too many people going, but it should be a good chance to get to know the ones who are. I'm ready for the chance to get out of town and get a little rejuvinated.

Well, I'm off to another round of roly poly observation...bleh. I am tired...very tired...but I'm trusting God to give me strength. Prayers appreciated. Hope you all are having a great week. Love ya~

Love lifted me, love lifted me,
When nothing else could help love lifted me...

If these don't make your day, nothing will

Hey all...

So I wanted to share some pics of my most recent experiences. It seems that all the sudden my life is full of kids! Friday night we went to the Booseum and got to do science experiments and a costume contest with all the kids. These guys absolutely cracked me up...especially the little boy who freaked out when we showed him the "ooblick" aka monster slime. :)

This power ranger really got into it...gotta love the fake muscles...

And many of them loved the volcano project...baking soda and vinegar were never put to better use!

awww!! I want one!! (just not for a little while...) :)

There has to be a witty caption for this somewhere...but I know I won't do it justice if I try...

And the prize goes to... well, he didn't get the real prize, but in my mind there was really no competition... Continuing with the theme, for the next day or two our old friends the Traums, with their 7, 2, and six month old daughters, are here. This makes our house the biggest anti study zone in the world, but it's all good. ....last night I was carving partner with the two year old. Together we created a pumpkin Piccasso would be proud of. So much fun. Hope these made you smile!

It's been a little while since I've done much babysitting, but the last time I did I for some reason had my camera. Since then these post card shots have made my day many times.


Ever have one of those times in your life when you feel like you're really supposed to be getting the point because God keeps bringing the same thing to your attention. Well...it's happening to me through these little kidlets. Something about their innocence...their amazing joy...their facination with life...their honesty. Something about the way they put their trust in you when they run to you for a hug or to be held. Something about the way that they mimick and immitate your every move. Something about the fact that everything they have is little, but they give it all...and sometimes that is worth more than all the paritial, two faced, uninterested, bored "grown ups" in the world.

Little hands, little hearts, little smiles. For all of these and the lessons they have taught me recently...praise the Lord.

TGIF

Hey y'all...

This week has flown (fine by me) and suddenly it's Friday afternoon and I'm staring at the weekend again...the last one in October. Can you believe it?

Thank goodness this week slowed down a bit. After all of the flurry last weekend and the stress of pre-fall break tests, it has been a welcome relief to find the monotony of normal class periods, short homework assignments, and the never ending ebb and flow of college existence. I find more and more that I'm loosing touch with individual moments for the feeling of just being carried along by it all and affected by the whole. Ok I guess...but I like specific moments too. Hmmm....

This weekend is FULL!! And fun too...Tonight I head to the "Booseum" at the children's Museum with a few of my buddies. We will be helping out wherever needed...painting faces, helping sticky-fingered kids make treats and crafts, sporting costumes, probaby playing in the museum some too! :) Then mom wants me to help her get started on a quilting project and I think we'll pop in a movie. Something about green tomatoes...I'll let you know. Tomorrow we clean for the arrival of our old friends the Traums, who will be here Sun and Mon...and I work, Sunday the choirs have their fall concert. Good times.

Looking ahead is always a bit intimidating, but somehow around this year I get way pumped to do so. Vespers, turkey day, finals, snow and coldness, christmas caroling, presents, and a month of break. What am I talking about...the leaves haven't fallen and I'm only a week out of fall break! Oh wells...

Wish I had something more interesting to say...but I don't...so there. Hope y'all have a great weekend...blessings and prayers~

just a few glimpses from my leaf walk the other day...fall is awesome and I'm loving every second of it. Enjoy...have a great week...

Probably

In the past 10 days....

~I have probably learned how to drive a golf cart both in drive and reverse (and I've learned how to plug it in to charge) I have also probably driven it at 2 am under a full moon
~I have probably spent a fair amount of time "working the farm" and toting water buckets, lost cats, food for the swans, and mail from here to all the ends of creation
~I have probably chased two runaway dogs for 45 minutes around the pond in the backyard...in my PJ's...and I have probably attracted most of the really annoying sticky seeds in these woods on my pants in the process
~I have probably chased the dog the size of a horse out of the pond twice...and bathed him later
~I have probably watched "Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants" twice
~I have probably spent the week with a variety of awesome people and enjoyed the awesome house in a ton of ways
~I have probably had a pie war with Ryan Jackson
~I have probably been reunited with a ton of my friends from the college world and undergone the surreal experience with each of realizing that they are not the only ones who have changed a lot in the past two months
~I have probably experienced the worst test of my life...ever...chemistry is not my strength
~I have proabably spent some rockin time with my sis again and gotten some good talk time in
~I have probably completed my "independence fix" to hold me for a little while....good stuff

Some of you know that most of these are true....and most of you know that some of these are true...but ALL of you don't know for a fact that ALL of these are true....so I figure I'm safe. Blessings on your week....

Sometimes college cracks me up....

So I wanted to let you know about all the productive things that are going on in my life, the indescribable knowledge that has been granted to me over the past few weeks...I mean, wow...it's been reallly incredible:

~On Thursday we had a Bio lab on Cricket grooming methods. Basically we got a partner, 5 crickets, a bag of cornstarch, several observation methods, and 2 hours. We were to dust the crickets (and I quote from the lab assignment...) "Shake and bake style" and watch them clean themselves, recording the data in various ways. At one point I took a moment to relieve my cramped neck while my less than cooperative cricket groomed it's left antennae for the fifth time and I was reduced to a fit of laughter after seeing 6 pairs of eager college freshmen crouched around a plastic cage, armed with pencils and stop watches, and observing some very white and disgruntled crickets. It was quite a show.

~Chem is throwing me for a loop, and today in class we spent a good 10 minutes arguing in small groups about whether a percent of ionization of a compound was the entire percent of all the molecules or only the percent of each individual atom. And the funny thing is that I understood it about as well as you just did.

~In vocal jazz we are learning the ins and outs of "shooby do-oping"...yes, there acutally is a style that has to be followed for that crazy 50's music that sounds like all the singers have amnesia and can't remember the words! :)

~Our Seminar class is in the middle of a big group project in which we are planning an activity night for 3-5 year olds at the Children's Museum. This involves everything from reading crazy stories to playing with playdough and koolaid. The theme is colors, and its gonna be a blast. We also get class credit for helping with the "Booseum" near halloween. I love little kids!!

~On Monday we went to see the fireworks at the opening ceremony for Homecoming. No wonder our student activities fee is so much...it was an awesome show! It was hillarious hearing all the kids react to them, such as the girl standing behind us who yelled out "purple!!" every time she saw that color. Got to love the academic excellence here.

~Friday night there was a huge bonfire at a guy's house who goes to Intervarsity. It was classic, and hardly altered at all from any bonfire I've been to since I was in high school. We sang Veggie tales on the hay rack ride, the boys played with the fire (and one got a hole burnt in his shoe), we threatened to play cubby bunnies but never got around to it, we went and laid in a ditch along a country road and looked for shooting stars, we got scared coming back in the dark and I somehow ended up in a hole in the ground. Good times...I guess the lesson there is don't go walking in the dark in the country. :)

~Today I met a random stranger on the pathway on my way to class and he said hi and I asked how his day was. He told me he was tired, but that that was a prerequisite for a day of college....ah....I tend to agree. The other night I got out of the shower and did not discover until I was partially dressed that I still had shampoo in my hair. Perhaps I need to sign up for napping 101 before next sememster fills up...

Sorry for the complete lack of organization...love you all and can't wait to see those of you who decide to come home in the near future! Oh, and for those of you who leave comments (yes, all two of you...) sorry for the word verification, but these spam comments are getting rediculous...so you get to do more work rather than me get excited that someone loves me only to find out that "iheartyou" has a new online dating service. Hope you don't mind

Blessings~

Lost...

I am not yours, not lost in you,

Not lost, although I long to be

Lost as a candle lit at noon,

Lost as a snowflake in the sea.

You love me, and I find you still

A spirit beautiful and bright,

Yet I am I, who long to be

Lost as a light is lost in light.

Oh plunge me deep in love - put out

My senses, leave me deaf and blind,

Swept by the tempest of your love,

A taper in a rushing wind.

Sarah Teasdale

"Creatures are not born with desires unless a satsifaction exists. If life leaves me with a longing that no experience satisfies, then I must realize that I was made for another world" C.S Lewis

Carry on in hope and faith...blessings

perfect...

Today is one of those perfect days. Everything on campus is either blue like the cloudless sky, green like the grass that is not yet dead, or red like all of the brick buildings around campus. Gorgeous! We also have crisp breezes and a ton of sunshine...I'm loving my sweatshirt, and loving fall even more!

I've got choir this afternoon and that's always fun. I've also joined the women's vocal jazz group on campus...we are already making some great sounds (50's cheesy hip hop and "I could wish you" from Guys and Dolls...such tight harmonies, such good music!) ...there are three of these groups this year and we are looking forward to putting on a jazz night and collaborating all three and maybe the jazz band. FUN STUFF...music is awesome because it can be enjoyed and stretched in so many ways. It's kind of amazing really that you can call the racous percussion group we saw during first week and a symphony "music."

The final aspect of perfection in my life recently is that I'm living with Laura Cos this week because her family is in San Fran....It's almost like getting a roommate, only we have a whole house and plenty of food and space to study and/or cause trouble, and no parents to stop us. Yesterday I ended up with a very wet shirt while doing the dishes and we watched a fun movie, tried to help each other come up with vocabulary for our assorted papers and compared notes on psyco teachers....oh, and stayed up way to late. Fun! I've also been getting a daily fix with "diary of a wombat" which she so graciously gave to me. That made me a happy girl. Anyway, tonight we're having a night out and going to Ruby Tuesdays even though we will probably end up paying for it with another late study night. Oh well...might as well live life, right?

And so, somehow, this week jam packed with tests and papers has come to a surpisingly positive light. One test down and not too painful, the papers, although certainly not written are well in hand and finally getting a direction, and despite the looming jam packed weekend I am determined to get things done. The joy of the Lord is powerful indeed...lean hard into him when the going gets tough and use your life as a praise offering!! Wishing you a day that's as close to perfect as we'll get here on earth...peace to you all

a thought for all you developing geniuses....

hi all...synopsis of my weekend:
-studying
-eating
-sleeping a little
-studying
-doing casey's hair for homecoming
-studying
-wishing I remembered to buy that ugly yellow parka to zip casey up in before she left (she was absolutely goreous...as usual...)
-studying
-sleeping less than a little
-church
-studying
-working out
-talking to you....

in the midst of a crazy amount of reading this weekend I came across a quote that made me think...

"One cannot be creative without learning what others know, but then one cannot be creative without becoming dissatisfied with that knowledge and rejecting it (or some part of it) for a better way."

....just a thought as you all journey through this sponge-filling experience we like to call school. This week "learning what they know" means two quizzes and my first two tests (bio and chem) a scientific research paper, an english paper, and probably the other classes won't just be idle...oh boy...prayers are appreciated. Love you all but must to-bed now. Blessings on your week.

Introductions!!

Everyone, meet Emily, Jess, and Holly. Emily, Jess, and Holly, meet everyone. These are my buddies who have started going to Riverside from Millikin. Emily is a freshman Music Ed major and in choir with me. Jess of course went to Riverside way before me, but we have gotten to know eachother way better through intervaristy and getting the church group off the ground. She cracks me up majorly...as you can tell. This morning I was super tired and she started talking baby talk to me. It was classic. Holly is also a music major, she's a sophmore, and in my dad's choir...going to his church freaks her out a wee bit, but she'll get over it. She has a gorgeous voice. So, this weekend I didn't do much it seems but it has flown by. More soccer moming it, TJ had a double header and that was fun. While I carted him the rest of the family did the yard sale (and no, Heather didn't break her arm). Then we cleaned out the garage and cleaned out the house because we have a director from England staying here for the next few days...that should be great fun! Last night we went to Cassies for a girls night and had some fun picking out senior pic clothes, and playing tripoly, and generally making fun of Laura (who in all her brilliance has a few priceless blonde moments...) It was pretty fun. I am bushed and looking forward to an evening of R+R. Hope you find some yourself! Well, time to go, blessings on you all...

it's coming....

so I'm sitting here on this cool Friday afternoon at the coffee shop, trying to study for chemistry but much more successful at watching everyone walk by. It has been rainy and chilly for two days and yesterday I saw the first real reds on a maple tree by our house. It's official...fall is definitely on the way. YES!!!!!!!

Have a great weekend...

Tuesday...

Slept...
slept...
ate grass...
took a nap...
ate grass...
Decided grass was boring, went to look for some better food...
slept...

If only I were a wombat...

soccer moms, jones soda, Jerehmiah, and badminton...

random titles are my favorite part of these things...I mean where else can you come up with a list and stick them all together like they fit? Love that...

Today was bizzare...since mom and dad's lives were both dominated by choirs of various kinds I got to be a soccer mom for the day....toting TJ and casey to choir auditions, soccer games, and a birthday party. Good stuff. Also got to chill with casey and play tetris. she whooped me as normal...nice to know that not everything changes when you go to college.

Tonight we had a social for people from college world at the Johnsons...hoping to get a college group started at Riverside in the near future. It's odd to spend so much of your time in a tight knit youth group and then have to start a new group as a freshman...all new people...same needs. Interesting. Anyway, we had 10 or 12 people there, not bad for the first night...and several of the girls are coming to Riverside tomorrow. We played cards, a great game of badminton, and then watched the universal "youth hang out and laugh" movie...yep, Napoleon again. I think the first time was enough... oh, and the verdict on the green apple jones soda is that it gives me a tummy ache. :(

It's been a struggle trying to connect with people on campus...especially now that classes have started and people are getting tunnel visioned. But I am determined to stay dedicated. One of the girls I've started to get to know plays volleyball and went to Christ Lutheran in Buckley, one of the schools DCS played. Anyway, she lost her brother in a car wreck a year ago tomorrow....I am so thankful that she's able to go home and be with her family this weekend. I can't imagine being on a campus in her shoes. Being around her is a constant reminder to be greatful for every moment...and on the lookout for people who need an encouraging smile or a hand up. ...there are so many hurting people at Millikin...many of whom have no hope.

Jeremiah was an interesting dude...he had this amazing message for the people, but he questioned God a lot about whether or not he was to carry the burden. Among his complaints about the struggles, God keeps sending him prophesy so irresistable that he can't help but write them down right amidst his griping:

"If you repent, I will restore you that you may serve me;
if you utter worthy, not worthless, words, you will be my spokesman.
Let this people turn to you, but you must not turn to them.
I will make you a wall to this people, a fortified wall of bronze;
They will fight against you but will not overcome you,
For I am with you to rescue and save you" Jer. 15:19-20

Love you all and am praying for you---blessings...

Labor Day??

I'm not sure who it is that labors on this weekend, but I can tell you that it wasn't me. I had a great weekend of relaxing and ignoring my homework. I've decided that living at home presents you with tons of reasons NOT to study. Oh well...

Friday, casey got duded up in her regalia to go march at the football game. Dude, she looks hot in overalls and a plume... (the funny thing is that you think I'm kidding!). It was fun to finally see the band...she did great although the team struggled mightily.

That night we headed to Faith where we had a lock in. Got all our wrists tied together and were forced to eat pizza...that of course ended in a food fight that Zach won :( ...pizza somehow loses its appeal when it's smeared all over your face. But it was pretty fun. We also played with balloons, crate paper, and funnoodles...as well as Dance, Dance Revolution, super weird comedy videos, and murder in the house. A couple of the college kids were home and it was great fun to see them. Even went to IHOP and tried to order at like 6 in the morning. I'm sure that waitress thought we were all stoned. Tee Hee!

Saturday, after a good nap, we went out on the boat with the Cos parents (who were without children for the day) and Annie K and her roomates. they are SWEET girls, and we had a great time screaming our heads off. I even got to drive the boat!! That night Casey and I watch Anne of Green Gables...Sunday Anne of Avonlea, two of my favorite movies. Monday we went to the parade for our yearly quotient of tootsie rolls and dum-dums. ...and we also saw the band march there again. One cute, tall, slender flute player was especially attractive.....Monday night we spent at the Webers, eating and talking and playing games. Good times.

So, you can imagine that this morning came as a bit of a shock...I'm not quite ready to be back at it...but I can't complain too much since I still LOVE my classes and am not quite swamped with homework. Thanks Lord. Hope you all are doing well...blessings on your labor, or lack thereof.

new light on an old lesson...

I know this is one of the most well known verses in the bilble...but it hit me like a ton of bricks yesterday...thought some of you might appreciate it... "For if you remain silent at this time, relief and deliverance...will come from another place, but you and your father's family will perish. And who knows but that you have come...for such a time as this?" Esther 4:14 God's plan will not be stopped by our unwilliness to surrender to it. Instead, it is our job to decide whether we will be the ones to carry his great loving plan. ....carry on...

update from scovil hall...

so I'm sitting here in the new business school, taking advantage of the wireless access and digesting the sandwich I just had (first nourishment all day...feels good!!). I started classes this morning, which was really good...I was well ready to get out of "summer camp" mode and into a routine, however rigorous it may turn out to be. I'm excited about the teachers I've had so far...one is older, totally off the wall, and a really fun person (she wears shorts and hawaiian shirts and often dramatically gestures or hops around the room). The other is a petite, younger woman, who seems to be very intelligent, kind, and interesting...and not a bit pathetic either. She may be about 5"1' but she won't let anyone slide. my enter key, I just discovered, doesn't want to work, so bear with the long paragraph. Anyway, I'm a bit overwhelmed after looking at the syllabuses (is that a word??) but excited about the depth of the class, and my classmates. My honors seminar is going to be great. Tomorrow I have both of my science classes, which should be interesting. And I'm in the process of being put into a choir...which I can't wait for. I'm enjoying this so far...good stuff. well, it's time to head out and do some more reading. Hope that your day is great!! later

a praise....

i met a girl.
her name is Lauren
and last night during a really crass movie we started talking...
turns out she's a christian
just recently recomitted her life to christ and started reading the bible
and is looking for a church

needless to say, Riverside will have it's first visitor on Sunday
and I am jazzed beyond all belief
thanks for the prayers
there must be more seekers out there

love to you all...

The little things...

It's the little things in life that make it the best

*babysitting for 6 kids on a great summer night...helping the littlest boy on his art skills via the magnetized drawing board, keeping the baby in the grass and away from the older kid's bikes, and judging the driveway races from the sidelines (and giving a talk on "winning isn't everything" to the middle siblings)

*getting your teeth cleaned (especially when they squirt that little thin stream of water over your teeth right after they are polished. I like that part the best)

*listening to your little brother sleeping over with a friend in a tent on the deck

*watching the sun rise through the hospital window...and knowing it's the last time I'll do it, perhaps for a very long time. :)

*Listening from the hallway to the little old men that were my patients on Monday talking about my "future plans." I especially liked the part where the 85 year old declared that I will never get to do what I planned because I will meet a boy and "that will change everything."

I enjoyed these and other "little somethings" this week and maybe that's what made today seem so BIG!! I went to Millikin for the first time tonight...it was move in day but we went for dinner tonight and met a few people there...then had a motivational speaker of sorts who talked us through time management and internships (I didn't quite understand the last part). That was OK I guess. Mary and Angie came here during dorm floor meetings and we played with my new technology, which has me a little confused. (tonight I locked my phone and couldn't get it undone...not to mention the fact that the password I thought I entered for my voice mail doesn't work. Guess I'd better call them tomorrow...tee hee!) Then we went back to the Student Union for Karaoke and pizza...that was really loud and crowded, but we met a few more people and I got to talk to my small group leader, which was good. she's a bio major and very helpful.

It's weird to have a class that is 6 times the size of my whole high school and has so many different kinds of people. Tonight I got a kick out of just sitting and watching everyone. The athletes are interesting, there are punks, there are clean cut guys, there are girls who have never been taught the difference between underwear and a shirt. poor things. there are outgoing people who made it a point to introduce themselves to everyone. There are shy ones that stand in little groups in the corner (we met several of them...they are easier to approach than the others somehow) and there are people that look pretty normal. Funny how I say normal, when there really isn't such thing. I guess that's what struck me the most tonight. Individuality and uniqueness has never seemed so obvious...and something that I don't notice very often. Perhaps that's a fault of christians, that we surround ourselves with people that are exactly the same as us. just a thought.... It's cool...and exciting...and scary. My only regret is that I'm afraid it will be a little difficult to break in since I don't have a dorm floor to call home on campus...but we'll be doing lots of activities in the next few days to get us aquainted, so hopefully we'll get to spend some time with lots of new people. In the meantime I aim to find some little things on campus to enjoy....and hopefully some new friends who can enjoy them too.

Peace...

t-3 seconds and counting

Greetings all-

Well...it's the last weekend before school starts and so I thought I should write something...not sure what yet, but it will evolve as always I hope.

Gosh, the last week has totally flown by...my schedule became so packed that I'm lucky that in all the time I didn't drive to the wrong city, lock my keys in my car, or fall asleep in the middle of some random building (I did leave by gas cap at the station...but that's not TOTALLY eccentric, is it??). Craziness! I had a great time though, seeing everyone off...getting in on 4 different packing sessions with my friends (family dynamics are always heightened during these times...it can be pretty funny...), and lots of parties to say goodbye for "the last time." We spent more time recording, went to Kim's for a night, went out on the boat for the last time, had a church picnic, and generally made the most of every waking second. Thursday night we had a few of the church families over to our house for some ice cream and a goodbye for Jackie and Andrew. I felt that it was a little unfair that I had to say goodbye to both of them in the same night. They have made this year so fun in so many different ways...it's hard to imagine school without them. However, if we are going to introduce the rest of the world to our craziness (which we spent the last 4 years perfecting) we will have to split up some time I suppose. Love you guys tons.

I've been doing a lot of reading and shopping trying to get all ready for school myself. Last night I went to spend some time with Zach and Tina before Zach left this morning, which was fun. And tonight and tomorrow I work again for the last time (no more 12 hour night shifts!!)

This time next week I will be fully emersed in the "college world" and trying to keep my head above water and perhaps even make a difference there. Prayers are appreciated...peace to you all!

The Good Times....

wow...there have been so many of them lately. Cramming in every last minute with my friends has caused me to resemble a chicken with no head lately...but that's not a problem. We had a great family night with the Costerisans on Friday...the WHOLE family, including Annie, which was odd but so much fun. She's about the only girl in the world who could sweeten that barrel any more. Aaron, you did good. :)

Saturday we practiced for our quartet...which was fun cause only 3 of us could make it. No problem though, Andrew can play the drum, pluck out a bass part, and sing all at the same time! Saturday night I headed to Texas Roadhouse with Matt, Zach, and Tina...we had fun eating way to many rolls with cinnamon honey butter and steaks. Yeah fun! Then we went to vernons were a whole slew of people were waiting for Matt...to wish him well and give him some goofy presents. We had a blast, a good time of prayer for the departing college students, some great food, and a long game of mafia. Once the gang had fizzled slightly the foursome sat back down because Zach and Matt decided that this once they could beat tina and I (the lengendary, telepathic team) in spades. They put up a good fight but they both suffer from ADD I think and we ended up beating them in the latest game of spades I've ever played. In fact, once we prayed once more I just beat 2 am home. Yikes! It was tough to say goodbye to my good buddy Matt and realize that he is just the first of several tough farewells this week. But then again, he's jazzed, and I know that he won't completely change before I see him again.

Sunday morning the quartet worked hard to pull the song together and we had fun singing it on Jackie and Andrew's last sunday before they depart. Good times...we've spent so much of this year singing together, it was a fitting way to end...and an awesome song too! I also got to chat with Jessica from RBC who is going to be a sophmore at Millikin about how we can draw some students to the church. Her attitude got me excited about the possibilities...and about the potential friend I have in her. After evening service we went to DQ with Jacks, the Bosticks, the Costerisans, and their missionary cousins (very cool people) ...that was fun. Then we had a movie night and helped Jackie keep her head on straight during her packing. This morning my mom woke me at noon to remind me that I had an 11 am lunch date with Heather. Sorry sweetie!! We had a good time with what we had left though. Then tonight TJ, my (amazingly!) 11 year old brother, had a birthday party at the bowling alley. Right now he and his best friend are camped in a tent on the deck and probably having more fun that I can imagine. I love that kid...he is so cute. ...and I hope he'll keep his air soft gun away from me! :)

The rest of this week is already almost booked with recording, church stuff, get togethers, sorting out finances, buying books, and more cleaning. ...that last one is probably my favorite.

I watched a toon on homestarruner called "bug in mouth disease" on saturday night. Homestar swallows a bug and runs around, frantically dramatic, yelling "THE GOOD TIMES ARE OVER STRONGBAD!!" for the whole show. When he finally rids himself of the problem he goes back to normal life like nothing ever happens. I realized between Matt's laughter that I may have had some of the same behavior lately...frantically grasping at each "last time" and dreading the day when I have to say goodbye to the awesome highschool years I had. I'm sorry for being so annoying, for anyone who happens to read this. ...I'm going to try harder. God's really been working on me to see the potential he has for me to fill in the FUTURE, not the past. Tough lesson to learn for me, but there are people who need me, people who I need, and work to be done around that corner that I can't see. Faith...I need some. the good news is that despite the hard times that will come, the good times are far from over.

To those of you who have or will be moving on this week...I love you all and will miss you dearly. Let me know about your times, good or otherwise, so that we can make more when you come back. Blessings on you as you embark on new journeys.

"We give thanks to God always for you all, making mention of you in our prayers; fondly remembering your work prompted by faith, your labor produced by love, and your perseverance inspired by hope in our lord Jesus Christ, and in the sight of God the Father"
1 Thes. 1:2-3

Revolt Against Full Sentances...1st draft

Cleaning
recording for Andrew's new album
reading "Diary of a Wombat" (a new favorite soon to be a classic)
getting to know sarah riemer
listening to her song for the above mentioned book
playing with blow pens
seeing the Muni production of "Beauty and the Beast"
eating chocolate
listening to Nickel Creek's new album
praying hard
cleaning again
cooking
dreading the "week of goodbyes" that starts sunday
practicing for a special in church
boating
skiing
tubing with my sis
screaming loudly during the above mentioned
falling
playing games
eating awesome food
hearing great music

sleeping...

Back in the cornfield...man it feels good!

Greetings from cloudy florida where it rains every day and is clear in the nights! That's about the only "Darn Tootin'" that I can summon from the last ten days. It was an AWESOME trip, even if I didn't get enough of a tan to share with all of you like I promised. :)

We saw two of my cousins and my aunt and uncle for the first time in 9 years...this meant that one of the cousins is now pregant and married (the other two are well on their way...) anyway, that was neat. We saw wedding pictures and caught up on all the news. My two oldest cousins are brothers (26 and 23) and the funniest guys around. One is bald and in the navy and as boisterous as they come. The other is into martial arts, totally a people person, and can recite any word backwards in about a second. He unleashed this phenomenon during dinner one night and had all 14 of us rolling on the floor. we were shooting words out right and left, and he returned all of them without difficulty. He also recited the alphabet backwards in about 3 seconds. Darn photographic memories. When the laughter subsided my dad said "that's incredible!" Without skipping a beat, Ian said "elbidercni?" Both of them were total gentlemen...the type that seem to live to serve. Casey and I agree that we are totally spoiled for the rest of our lives. My youngest cousin Bryan is 13 and a hoot. He had fun learning street fighting from Ian and then trying it on me. :)

We also had a great night to celebrate Grandma and Grandpa's 60th wedding anniversary. (that's so many years to live with a person!!) ...it was so cool...casey and bryan dressed up in the hat and navy uniform that they were married in and we had cake and did swing dancing and looked at old pictures and let them reminice. We were really glad to have the week to spend investing...and they did some investing in us. We had our own service were my grandfather blessed us all, wrote out our strengths and encouraged us with a scripture. It was cool.

Somewhere in the midst of one of the 15 hour trips we realized that we had been in the car for 12 straight hours 3 days out of the past week. YIKES!! it is time to be home for a while.

When we got back yesterday, we decided that vacation didn't need to be over quite yet, so we went boating with Costerisans, re-taught mom how to water ski, and then went to dinner with them. Lastly we went to check out the decatur celebration, which was cool because I have never been in town for it. Anyway, we are hoping to head back there tonight to see Jars of Clay. Yay fun. My only regret is that I didn't get to see Chris before he left today. There were just a few too many people at that concert last night!!

I'm eating up the prospect of the last two weeks with minimal schedule issues...blessings on you all.

I need you

an encouraging message brought to me by a random turn of events...and a song that I think I will learn a little better in the next few days. Our redemption is a source of indescribable joy and hope.

My heart is restless in me/ my wings are all worn out/ I’m walking in the wilderness/ and I cannot get out/ I need You oh I need you/ blessed savior come/ I need you oh I need you/ you’re the every longing of my soul/

(*)Oh how I need you Lord/ I need your perfect word/ With tearful eyes to see/ the sin that I afford/ I need to weep and pray/ for O the thousand ways/ that I have failed you just today/

My bed is soaked with sadness/ my sadness has no end/ A downward spiral of despair/ and I keep falling in/ I need you oh I need You/ to You my soul shall fly/ I need You oh I need You/ YWHW how I love You more than life/

(*)

Your silence is like death to me/ so won’t you hear my desperate plea/

Today my soul is soaring/ way over mountains high/ and though I can see the valleys/ they’re all just passing by/ It’s not that I am stronger/ look at my feeble wings/ but I’ve been lifted higher/ YWHW’s lifted me in His own strength/

Oh how I love you Lord/ I love your perfect word/ with tearful eyes to see/ the God who always will endure/ Now I will celebrate/ for O the thousand ways/ that you have shown me grace/ and made my heart, in grace, to stay/ you’ve made my heart in grace to stay/

I need you~ Josh Bales

72 hours and counting

Those of you who know my family know that we don't sit around too much. Schedules, planning, and long vacations usually come in abundance this time of year. We got back from this place in Minnesota that you see here...I hope(technology isn't my thing)...tonight at about 10 and ASAP thursday morning we will leave for Florida. ...I'm starting to think maybe we should just get a private jet so we wouldn't have to spend so much time in the car...and we'd probably get complimentary peanuts to boot. While we're at it we should also probably get a jet ski and a lakeside cottage. My family discussed dreaming big this weekend, can you tell??

When we set off on Friday morning (just an hour after I got off work) we didn't really know why we were going to drive 22 hours round trip for 36 hours at a camp we'd never been to before. It ended up that we sang for 3 families who homeschool during the day in a few sessions. This was a challeng because they brought their children, a fact we only recognized about an hour before they were to arrive. This was interesting because always before we had watched mom and dad talk about how they raised us so that we could sing (scary really...we didn't know there was a system...). Now all of the sudden Casey and I were doing the teaching...and not just to the well meaning parents, Oh NO! we were teaching the guinea pigs themselves....their kids.

Needless to say we spent an amusing afternoon, especially since 5 of the kids were boys between the ages of 10 and 12. We covered the essentials of voice exploration, rounds, and partner songs, as well as jumping jacks and telephone. Thank goodness that we kids make a good team.

That night we sang for a good crowd of long time camp attenders and some staff. It was an enjoyable although long and hot concert (no AC). About half way through it though I realized that I was not up there singing just for "those people" out there. The songs and their lyrics started hitting ME in the forhead just as hard as I wanted them to hit the audience. As the family shared testimonies the obvious theme of trusting God through change, especially when we feel weak became incredibly apparent. ...and of course, just what I needed to hear. On top of the blessing this weekend was for me, we received very positive feedback and lots of greatful thanks. Also invitations to Dallas and Michigan...just in case we have extra time during the rest of the summer. :)

Now that we're home I have 72 hours to get things ready again and enjoy some time with my friends, some of whom have been over seas for the better part of this month. Guess I'd better go get some sleep. See y'all later.

22,998

So Dennis Dare, my adopted family member moved in with my family for the next 6 weeks or so until his job moves him to St. Louis. Along with him comes his play station 2 (I'll take any of y'all on at tetris), Bryer's chocolate ice cream, and a healthy supply of Dennis' breakfast food which he has eaten every morning for the past ten years: diet coke and a reese's cups. He wore a shirt yesterday with a hershey's bar on it and the phrase "unconditional love." That made me a happy girl. So has having him around.

Technology hasn't treated me very well lately. After bugging my eyes out on tetris a few nights ago I for some reason got on the computer to order a whole bunch of photos from Walmart online. It too me forever to get it all going, then I pushed "check out" and it put up a projected upload time of 22,998 min and 7 seconds.

I believe from now on I'll just make the drive.

Today the car broke down in Target and leaked a healthy amount of fluid to the pavement and smoked enough that Casey jumped from the car, sure that it was going to blow up. It's still in one piece and still in the shop (for the second time this week)

Tonight I work, and tomorrow morning early we head for 3 days in Minnesota where the family is going to sing. We have been practicing a lot lately since it's been a while and our voices have changed. Taking coaching from two of the most musical people I know, trying to match up with my musical genius of a sister, and surviving TJ's well placed funnies (some ants toot!) has made practice sessions interesting and so much like our family. Wow. That's all I can say. Getting to re-learn songs and lessons that I've been singing since I was 7 is really a fun thing. Our favorite of the pieces we will close with on our concert.

Lord make us instruments of your peace
where there is hatred let your love increase
Lord make us instruments of your peace
Walls of pride and prejudice shall cease
When we are your instruments of peace

That's what we are praying into our own family and the lives of the families we will touch this weekend. Well, I have to go...duty calls. Blessings on you all, hold down the fort, can't wait to see you! Blessings~

Things I've learned recently

~Paul's Confectionary (across the street from Paul's putting place) has the biggest chocolate milkshakes in town (and some of the greasiest food)
~There are muscles on the underside of your chin. If you would like to feel them go skiing and crash a few times
~Every adventure starts with a change, and every adventurer must stare fear in the face and walk through it.
~Puppy dogs are cutest when they are wet and standing in the rain outside the door
~Everyone has days when things seem impossible and drama is so high that it's tough to see reality
~Sticking with people who need help doesn't get any easier, but it also doesn't fail to be increasingly rewarding
~Music is one of God's greatest gifts...good for putting you to sleep or hyping you up, for teaching you a lesson or giving you something to jam to. I love it.
~God is good and His grace is unfailing

Blessings~

wong pants, wong pants, I'm a wong pants man!

Ok...let's see.

Basically my life goes on as normal...I'm working some, although this week is different because I'm taking a class for all of the DMH employees. Kind of a cross between self help books, meditaions, and a motivational speaker...all with a presenter who eerily resembles Josh McDowell. Yeah...wierd. Actually, there is some good truth being said I think...unfortunately I have a hard time deliniating between that and New Age backdrops. And as we learned in bible class this year, evil isn't separate from truth, it is twisted truth. Or as my dad says, evil often comes packaged with truth. This is probably good for me to have to sort through and learn what to accept and what to leave. Very interesting...prayers welcome.

My cousin Gabe was here for two days en route to Florida where he's gonna work at Disney. He is one fun guy, obsessed with Homestarrunner and an amazing sponge for random information. He gave us a tour of washington DC through our pictures...that was fun...and we went running and he had to laugh at the amount of humidity. Albuquerque doesn't have so much of that.

Since Gabe was so much like a bunch of my other friends we had the Faith gang over last night to give him something to do and sat and talked, ate food, played tiddly winks with pistachio kernales....kernels....kernles...those one things...., watched Ryan and Matt try and shoot and catch a pingpong ball with their mouths (grosser than gross), played cards, and watched the Muppets. Oh...and found some new favorite quotes...I realized last night that this too has to do with pants, as so many of our jokes seem to. ("wewh, dat's juss simpwy not twuu!") So much fun! I've missed you guys tremendously. Frisbee next time!

I think that about raps up my week so far...oh, except for I learned the definition of rain which I must share with you....

Rain-
1. water falling to earth in drops larger than .5 mm (0.02 in) that have been condensed from the moisture in the atmosphere

....I'll leave you with only that definition...it's the funniest...please adopt the mental picture of someone in australia standing in the rain with a .02 inch stick measuring drops as they fall. "Nope, that one's not legit...must just be mist..."

short and sweet (and not too many cool descriptions)

wow...what a week...I'll hit the highlights

did the rummage sale, and it went pretty well I think. To be honest I slept through most of it, yet another thing to prove that my sister rocks my world.

Had dinner with Joni...Ruby Tuesday's isn't open yet

Watched more fire works last night...I've decided that Mt. Zion easily tops Decatur

Heather Cos broke her wrist or arm or something close in there and has been through two surgeries...I sent Lloyd, my get well penguin, to stay for a few days...sure hope he behaves

A bunch of my friends were in London for the terrorist attacks...crazy, but none of them were hurt

Tonight we had a hymn sing at church...very high on the good times scale

Then I went to walmart...plummet on the above mentioned

Then I saw a rockin' sunset...spike to above original level

And right now I'm eating rice and soy sauce...got to love it.

All in all I'm bushed but loving the summer and packing as much in as I can. That about sums it up. Hope to see you all soon...all 2 of you. Ahh well, someday this "journal" will be for my benefit, not yours. Well, I'm off to bed...see ya later.

we rummaged that sale

Today and yesterday we spent a lot of time at the Dare's house setting up a garage sale for Saturday. It was pretty fun...Heather Cos came over and helped Casey and I out. We are ready for the huddled masses that have been yearning for the junk that's been in that garage for 20 years. Bring it on all you people...we're ready! :)

If any of you have a hankering for oddities and a little extra cash, come on over!

Well, I'm off to work...wish me luck

"it's a little bitty tiny one!"

For those of you who don't know, my sister is amazing. And as such, she has already documented, in much better grammarical structure than I ever could, our family vacation in all it's glory. ...and, chances are, most of you have already read it. However, I feel compelled to write something here since it was pretty cool.

hahaha....and MY enter key works...take that! :)

Umm...I got off my shift at the hospital at 6:30 and the family pulled out of the driveway around 10...just enough time to get to the deep sleep, not enough time to sleep off my exaustion. Oh well, I surrendered myself to the back seat and tried, unvictoriously, to get some shut eye. We arrived in Ohio about 5 and had an AWESOME night at the house of our good friends, the Yurchaks, who we haven't seen in 2 years. We sayed up till 4, made torches with spray deodorant and matches, raided the kitchen for icecream, made movies, laughed, cried...didn't sleep. We pulled reluctantly out of the driveway at 7, wishing we could stay to enjoy another day of the irreplaceable joy that is found in old friends. Luckily that morning I was able to sleep about an hour in the car. hehehe...fun times.

Williamsburg was tough to break into, but so cool in the end. My favorite things were the afternoon presentations of guys dressed in the period clothing, one as Patrick Henry and one as Thomas Jefferson. They were amazing, they knew so much, and had everything in their head, even the language of the day and the answers to politically slanted questions that they were asked. I learned a lot about early dreams for the country and it was amazing to see how their views on issues of their day corresponded with the same issues we have now. I wish that their logic and principles would be used a bit more in the current day. We saw DC in 6 hours...fun, but never do that. We are crazy and our feet prove it. YIKES! It was pretty neat to see all the great monuments right before the 4th of July. That's good stuff. We also spent a day on the beach and one in a water park which was great fun for all of us, but especially TJ...he had endured enough educational "adventures" for one week, poor kid. :)

along the way I learned a few things. First, digital cameras do things to people. All the sudden my fear is not taking too few pictures, it's having the time to get all the ones I want. I returned with 234 pictures of the week and 3 sets of dead batteries. Another thing I learned is that I have an obcession with barns. Not the kind you would want to put things in...the old kind that have peeling paint and a whole bunch of hay in front of them, and a sagging roof, and a cow or two out front. I have no idea where this came from but Pennsylvania has the best ones. I took many pictures. I also learned that I stink at shuffleboard, but that wasn't really a surprise.

Anyway, now we're back, and after a day of recovery and a great night of mt. zion fire works last night I am more than ready to enjoy the day and celebrate the great things our country stands for. I love fireworks...especially the weeping willow ones that boom really loud. I like the ones you can feel. I like the shimering, popping, crackling sounds. I like the celebration of victory...not in absence of trouble and conflict but in spite of it. So enjoy...light those sparklers and wave them...sing the national anthem with gusto...and praise God for preserving this nation and what it stands for.

and remember: the best fireworks are the "little bitty tiny ones!!" :)
Blessings and peace-

a message for me from me

Just a quick check in...I very well may not see you all for a while...on thursday morning we head for the east coast to see Williamsburg and Washington DC. Very excited about that...please pray for strength as I still haven't caught up on all my sleep. I will miss you, e-mail me a little, OK?

For those of you who feel like you are fighting an uphill battle lately, be encouraged by these verses that I was given this morning. Paul understood the fact that our walk as Christians was not meant to be a temporary battle followed by a "good streak"...we are soldiers for Christ fighting not just battles but a war. My own battles have been overwhelming lately, leaving me confused, frustrated, confronted with truths about myself (always the hardest to hear), and worn out. But this is the Christian's job description...the conflict that is...my prayer for myself is that I learn to rid my mind of the frustration and allow myself to face trouble with lifted spirits. I know that my attonement is made and working...it is not just a future promise. As you continue to follow Him, take heart in his promise to never forsake us when we fail. Blessings on you all.

"You then, my son, be strong in the grace that is in Christ Jesus...Endure hardship wiht us like a good soldier of Christ Jesus. No one serving as a soldier gets involved in civilian affairs--he wants to please his commanding officer...Remember Jesus, raised from the dead, descended from David. This is my gospel, for which I am suffering even to the point of being chained like a criminal. But God's word is not chained. Therefore I endure every hardship for the sake of the elect, that they too may obtain the salvation that is in Christ Jesus, with eternal glory. Here is a trustworthy saying:

'If we died with him, we will also live with him
If we endure, we will also reign with him
if we disown him, he will disown us
if we are faithless, he will remain faithful, for he cannot disown himself'"

2 Tim. 2:1-13

Boy...maybe I'd better send this again...

read it if you dare...

Hey y'all...so, I'm back

Before I start I must write a disclaimer...any lack of coherancy in the following is not my fault. I've just made it back from a very long but awesome week of World Changers mission in East St. Louis. We headed out on Saturday and just returned this morning and man, I feel like I got hit by a truck.

This is a super cool week, if any of you ever get the chance, go...it's amazing. Not only do you get the regular christian camp experience with a good speaker and worship times, but you get an awesome chance to serve. As you know, east st. louis isn't exactly the greatest neighborhood, but throw 220+ youth in there with about 40 adults and a few construction people who know what their doing and you never know what you might come up with. We had 12 different houses in the area getting new siding, paint jobs, porches, windows, roofs, and so much more. It was great.

When I got there I was assigned to the "challenge house"...the one with the most work needed and the oldest kids put on the crews. Our team of 20 or so worked very long days all 5 days to complete our task for the sweetest home owner you could ever meet. Mrs. Moblie was a 78 year old woman with a leak over her stove, no AC, 7 layers of shingles on her decaying roof, and a heart of gold. We took one look at her house and were ready to go.

Determined to conquer my fear of heights to some degree I climbed to the top of the steepest pitched roof I've ever imagined and sat on the ridge all morning hacking away at old shingles to get to the "skeleton" of the roof. Scary, but I so didn't die! Actually, after you got used to it, being up there was a lot of fun. We proceeded over the next 4 days to put up plywood, tar paper, and shingles. I learned a lot...even how to weild a nail gun!! (yeah, scary, I know....try not to run from the room in terror, I only killed like 3 people) :) In the midst of that whole project, people were tearing down and re-constructing her porch, replacing all her windows, and covering her walls with new siding. I came back from the work site covered in roof soot every day...black is a good color for me I think...and yesterday I had some quality time with tar caulking, the remains of which are on my elbows still, even after my half hour battle with paint thinner and goo gone. I decided that being grungy is awesome...our society doesn't allow enough of it!!

Our crew was amazing. They were fun and hard working...I met a girl named Hannah who rocks my world...she was loud and silly and a great worker, we clicked almost instantly and kept eachother going all week. Made lots of other friends...actually, one of our supervisors could have been Ryan Jackson's twin, not as much in looks but in personality. That was fun...

We worked really hard all week, but by Thursday night the whole porch still had to be sided and finished, the porch needed a roof, and the siding wasn't complete on the house. The roof also needed to be capped and the whole place cleaned up. As we circled up to pray and close the day our crew chief shared some more needs. Mrs. Moblie desperately needed a new ceiling fan and light fixtures for her porch and blinds for her windows, but World Changers couldn't fund it. Once again our crew pitched in and collected enough money to do all of it. By God's grace, a lot of sweat, and the help of other crews cheifs as they finished thier houses, we were able to put in a 13 hour work day on Friday and finish the job. Mrs. Moblie's appreciation made it all worth it. She has so little...being able to help her was awesome. We also learned that she was a Christian, which makes the effort even sweeter.

On top of all the great work that happened I really did have a spritually refreshing week as well. From long talks with a couple of the girls to good worship to some spiritual "re-alignment" it was a fantastic week. God "hit the nail on the head" with me a few times early on in the week and I was forced to wake up a little bit and realize what was going on inside me. I was challenged to submit, to focus my mindset on daily mission work, and to give more of myself to whole heartedly seek God...not just in the tough times, not just when I want something...at all points and for every reason. Why in my pig headded independence do I forget that I am smaller than a pin-point? Only He can take my world that has seemed so out of control lately and make sense of it all...and He wants to do it face to face with me, not at a distance.

I realize that all of the above probably doesn't make a whole lot of sense...I just tried to re-read it and I can' t make heads or tails of what it says. Guess it's time to leave you. Hope everyone's doing well...more later...blessings

The splendor of the king
clothed in majesty
let all the earth rejoice
let all the earth rejoice

he wraps himself in light
and darkness tries to hide
and trembles at his voice
and trembles at his voice

how great is our God

jet lagged? ...all nightered? ...confused as normal?

Well good morning! How's everyone doing? Gee...it's pretty dark outside...and doesn't it usually storm in the evenings here? OH man, maybe today was when the eclipse was supposed to happen. Well, I guess I just got home too late last night. ...no wait, that was this morning! morning? afternoon? lunchtime? midnight?

Welcome to "summer Morgan"--the person I am destined to be for the rest of the season. Then again, I did survive back to back night shifts...so that's something! No actually, the last 48 hours have been craziness but great to...let me tell you about it all.

Wednesday night was hard because I just wasn't used to it, but we had a great time. The floor was SUPER busy...and frankly I like it that way...there's always something to do. You would be surprised about how much...in fact, we really don't let these people sleep! I asked an RN about it the other night and he just laughed...."no way, this isn't the Holiday Inn...we're on a schedule here!!" never mind that people are sick and just need rest, never mind that normal people don't enjoy giving shots at 3:30 am...vitals every 4 hours! empty urine at 11 and 5! admit patients at all times! draw blood at 3! and get those EKG's (really annoying though painless) started by 4:30! Oh, and could you get 51 bed 2 up at 5am to be weighed? I need to ask a doctor somewhere about whether it's healthy...seems a little crazy to me. It's funny all you hear though as patients are coming out of sleep and to see them just stick their arm up for blood pressure and open thier mouths when you walk in the room...they know the drill!

I'm learning a whole ton...how to measure intake and outtake and chart it carefully, how to assist patients into and out of bed, how to give EKG's, how to keep the nurses happy, how to build up a repore with the patients, how to ease frustration and fear, and to always ask a lot of questions. We've encountered a few fiesty patients (always those little 65 lb old ladies who survived the depression...they are firey!)...that's been interesting to handle but I'm learning a lot by watching my supervisors there.

There are boring times, there are times when you have to do three things at once, but all in all things are pretty laid back. Sometime around about 3 last night I was getting someone water when I realized that I was really enjoying myself...it was great. Sure, I don't want to do this for the rest of my life, but for now it's the closest I can get to what I want to do...I am so excited. So, keep praying for energy and that I don't go show up to church at 4 in the afternoon some day. My clock is so messed up...it's funny :)

Tomorrow I head for St. Louis for a missions trip there...I am so excited to go work on some roofs or something cool, and have some time for evangelism and fellowship in the evenings. Again pray for energy!

much love to you all as you celebrate this Christmas season...I'll see you at the fireworks!

...a few of my favorite things

I like monicals pizza
and making cookies with my sis
and grinding brown sugar into her hair
and getting flour ground into mine

I like long runs with plenty of time to stretch out, think, and pray
and reading a scary novel in the middle of the afternoon
and taking time to sort through photos of the past month
and writing thank you notes (yes, still)

I like having a brother that still hugs me goodnight of his own free will
and getting to spend a night just with the kids
and watching little league baseball(even though I can't spell it)
and staying up late even though I have to get up early

I like long hot days, and sitting on the deck in the cool after them
and grilling out
and the promise that with all this humidity it will have to storm soon
and the time to digest a little bit more of CS Lewis several times this week

Sure, I don't like 12 hour shifts
and I'm not too keen on anchovies
and I might like a 36 hour day
and registering for college is WIERD
and saying goodbye to friends is tough

...but all in all, I've got it pretty good

"May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the holy spirit." Romans 15:13

Sleep? Who needs it?

Ok, so the weekend has been crazy...what else is new. I am very tired but very glad for the week's experiences. ...well, let me just tell you about it.

Spent the week in training at the hospital, which is going GREAT. I love the people I work with (most of them anyway) and am adjusting to the wierd parts of working in the hospital. Friday was the first time we spent more than an hour on the floor and I shadowed a girl and tried not to contaminate half the ward (a harder job than you might imagine...I feel like I'm single handedly destroying the ecosystem with latex gloves, water waste, and alcohol fumes and still spreading germs every time I touch a door. Probably not a bad problem for someone who's usually a little too careless about germs and certainly not a 'clean freak.') I love helping people and I HATE standing by helpless and watching...which is probably one of the reasons that I'm in this job. I'm realizing that even the best trained specialists can't always help (a humbling reminder of our frailty as humans, even with the great advances of science) but hopefully I can make people more comfortable...perhaps even just with a smile. "Improving the quality of life, rather than delaying death" as Patch Adams would say (...that may not be a direct quote...help me Cos). Anyway, I ramble...but I am too excited about the opportunity God has given me.

Back to the events of the weekend...Thursday the girls got together to swap senior trip pictures and see "Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants." I know that sounds like a silly movie that Ryan Jackson named but it turned out to be VERY good. We lauged way too loud...comparing the girls on the screen to eachother or other girls from school, we cried, and we had a great time together. Friday night I headed for the Jackson abode for a movie night...we watched "Honey I shrunk the Kids"...a classic "special effects miracle" (hehehe) and a must see since I hadn't for like 10 years. I also got to play catch up with some old friends that I haven't seen in a few months because we've spent so much time with the Riverside clan. Having too many friends is a great problem to have but I hate loosing touch...so it was nice to climb back in there again and feel right at home. Tina and I kicked butt at spades even though we hardly cared the last round...telepathy was never more effective dearest!

Saturday morning we headed for the Hohm's house to help load the moving van...had some great times running up and down stairs with stacks of boxes, cleaning out closets, and playing with giant rolls of bubble wrap...I'm giving someone that for Christmas some time...it was a blast! Went to a beautiful wedding in the afternoon, then headed for Mary K's to spend some time with the whole gang for the official going away party. We had a great round of volleyball, some good food, tons of people, homemade icecream(YOU DON'T CRANK, YOU DON'T EAT!), and an awesome time of prayer, tears, hugs, pictures, and blessings. It's tough to see how close you get to someone in the last few days before they leave....Chris has been a huge blessing to me recently...if you read this bud...thanks. Anyway, it was a draining night but one that we will be very greatful for later.

Tonight, one more send off party for the Wilkersons...I couldn't bear to stay past about 6...I'm partied out. Besides, I had a "few" more thank you's to write. I think I'm about half way through. Whew! This week I have 2 twelve hour shifts from 6 PM to 6 AM...that should be interesting, please pray I can figure the schedule out. Then again...sleep?? ...how boring is that.

*Cricket*

daily on-the job training (today was giving baths and making beds)
a week with the grandparents
evening games of bocce ball
a list of graduation thankyou's the length of my arm
a baseball game here
a grilled dinner there
a run over yonder and back
oh, and a kickin' game of capture the flag with the Hohms

...hmmmmm....sounds like summer

Quarantined and recovering nicely

Hi all-

Wow...what an amazing weekend...somehow everything I've been working towards for the past 12 years just ended and it was a great feeling. ....well, ok, that's extreme. Not EVERYTHING, but a lot of it. Friday was graduation and it was a great time...not too sad, not overwhelmingly happy. It was very odd but good timing. We had fun meeting all of the people who came to see us turn the tassels and then headed into a whirlwind weekend. Open houses at every imaginable hour of each day...it was impossible to do it all. Friday night after the ceremony I went to Joni's and then was at Beth's until 12:30. I had a fantastic time at my open house Saturday afternoon...my poor grandparents got worked to death I'm afraid but they were willing helpers and made everything run very smoothly. Getting to see so many people in a day and catch up at least a little bit on their lives was truely a treat (although my feet hurt a little afterwards). I took a million photos and watched everyone chow down on the red velvet cake, cheesecake tarts, chocolate dipped strawberries the size of small apples, and the world's best punch. I enjoyed floating between my grandparents, church people, old friends, teens, kids I babysit, and mentors in my life. The expression of love was huge and very appreciated. Saturday night I was off to another party on the heels of the last people who left our house. We played volleyball and ate some more at Nicole's and then went to the lake for fire works. Drama drama drama...but the fireworks were cool. :)

On sunday we were up and at 'em early for church, came home for lunch, and mom and dad had me open the first of my gifts...Dennis and Donna gave me a digital camera, which I enjoyed using for the rest of the weekend. WOW!! What a fun toy! Then we were out the door to three more parties...enjoyed looking at all the old pictures and talking with the same people all three places about how everyone had the best food, the cutest decorations, the biggest attendance. ...at some point this process probably becomes rediculous, but we had a good time doing it. By 11:00 last night we were all worn out and ready for some R&R. Mom and dad declared that today was a household wide quarantine...no one comes in, no one goes out. Boy did we need it! Relaxing morning on the deck, fun times finally opening my gifts, a stroll by the lake, a nice dinner, a game of bocce ball, and viewing all the home videos from this spring with the grandparents about filled the day. Tonight I got the best gift I've ever received...Casey wrote me a song for my present...it was a tender moment. I love you sweets.

I wish I had something profound to say about graduating...perhaps it will take a little while to understand this tornado that we like to call "May." Then again these days have made me wonder if we can ever truely understand the "transition periods" in our lives until we see them in context way down the road. Somehow God controls the steering wheel even at our moments of greatest uncertainty and question...halleluiah!

Tomorrow it's back to the real world, I head to the hospital for training, which I am SO excited about. I'll post about it sometime. Hope you all enjoyed your weekend. Peace.

a little catch up

I promised myself that I would make a post some time before graduation...because I know that if I don't I'll forget everything that's happened in the last few weeks in the flurry of this weekend. For anyone who cares (or for me if no one does) here you go:

Florida was simply awesome...I hadn't been to the beach since I was 5...which doesn't really count as anything. HOLY COW! It was one of the most breathtaking and exhilarating things I have ever seen. The powerful, never ending waves, the beauty of the sunrise over the horizon, the mystery of the moon and stars over the pounding water. It was awesome. On top of this all the group really did have a fun time...we endured a fair amount of drama, but not too bad considering, and the great fun I had with people I don't always spend time with far outweighed it. Long delays in the airports, a great day at Universal Studios, and less than 9 hours of sleep during the whole trip made it a memorable one indeed. Can't wait to get my pics back tomorrow.

Sunday we had our last soul purpose concert and started the onslaught of graduation parties with a great big shindig at Matt's. Good times had by all...especially the smore factory people around the campfire.

Today I spent my first day on the job at the hospital. It was an incredible day, extremely eye opening, educational, and even a little scary. I am working in an ICU wing as a nurses' aid...which basically means that I stock cabinets, keep records, and take vitals while working next to life or death situations. I am very excited about the things I will see and learn, and a little scared about the possibility (and probability) for error in my work. Maybe this will help me become a bit more detail oriented. I'm already preparing for the challenge of keeping my compassion level for patients balanced with efficiency and objectivity. It will be an interesting mix...I'm determined to find it. God gave me some very special experiences today which reminded me of the value and frailty of life. Make the most of every moment guys...we never know what will come next. Please pray that I will have a positive impact on my floor too...the atmosphere is already very different than what I am used to. I want to be able to shine a strong light, and I praise God for the Christian friend I have already made on the floor.

Well, 5:15 came pretty early this morning...now I must to bed. Peace and God's blessing to you all as you celebrate the coming of summer.

Hear that??

...a long deep sigh of relief...high school is over.

I don't really have full comprehension yet...people keep asking me how it feels and I really don't know. Wierd. That's probably the biggest thing. Right behind pretty darn good.

This morning my classmates and I are headed to Florida for Senior trip...looking forward to catching up with them in a very no-stress situation. We will spend a day on the beach and one at Universal studios (you can pray for my lack of love for rollercoasters) and we may even go parasailing!

To all of you who are in your crunch weeks still...hang in there...there is an end to this tunnel, can't wait till you join me on the other end. Peace.

It's May!

Hi all...

So it's been a few days and I have a few updates I'd rather give you than do more English homework.

School continues to wind down...or maybe it's up...I have trouble figuring that out. We had our last soul purpose concert last thursday, our last soccer practice is this Thursday, and I never have to open a calculus book again (I hope) since my math teacher is teaching us something else now (although I haven't the foggiest idea what). :) After tomorrow we only have one more chapel. I keep telling people that I'm not old enough to graduate. Thank goodness no one believes me...I'm ready to go, it just doesn't seem possible.

Our great friends, Dennis and Donna Dare, who have really been more like family to us are moving this summer to St. Louis...a sad thing but a really good thing for them. It's odd to see them go but thank goodness they won't be too far.

The house is getting turned inside out getting ready for end of the year stuff...which mostly amounts to talking mom into buying 2 cakes rather than three and assuring her that our house will hold all the people who will be coming. It also means that we have gotten to see every picture we own in the last few weeks, which is a blast. It's always fun to look back on old memories and see everything as it was...sometimes blissful, sometimes stupid, sometimes sad, and for me often akward (just like that spelling). It's interesting that the baby pictures are just as much fun to look at as the picture of TJ in a cowboy hat and boots and his underwear or random pictures around the house or the many shots of the homeschool group dressed as authors, ancient Romans, and singing minstrels. Through the ups and downs, the laughs and lessons, God has been extremely faithful to my family and I...the little reminders pop up like dandelions as we sort through the pictures. Maybe that's why it's so good to look back at I time when I feel like my whole life is about pressing forward. God's really calling me to trust without seeing in several ways lately...Pray for me on this one if you would...I'm too stubbornly independant to be the faithful, indebted follower I am called to be.

I hope you are doing well...especially you college people who I don't ever see but are still alive as far as I know. You may never read this but it doesn't change how much I love and appreciate you guys! Can't wait for summer-

WelcometotheWhirlwind

it'sbeenawhilehowdy
absolutecrazinessinsuesandmakesthispostamongthemostdifficult
you'lleverreadso thisshouldbefuninthelastfewweeksI'veplayedalot
ofsoccerandlostalotbummerbutok wenttoanawesomechapter6
concertthoseguysaretoocoolamlookingforasummer
jobmom's planningforgraduationstuffI'mtryingtopressthrough
thelastfewweeksofhighschoolever IhadavoicerecitalIcan'tstop
coughingandmydogcontinuestogophsyco
(I'msurethat'sthewrongspelling)lotsofgreatweathergoodfor
frisbeebutnotimereadingnotherbigbookforenglishTillWe
HaveFacesbyCSLewisveryinterestingbutalittleconfusing
sinceit'samythgoodyouthrallylastweekendmuchdramaat
schoolwegotanewpopetodayandwecan'twearflipflopsat
schoolsonoweveryoneiscomplainingwhichIthinkisfunny
thanksforallowingmetoventmyrandomishyocitynessandahalfage
tounleashitselfifyoureadthiswholethingI'llprayforyou
peace

~Come unto me all you that labor and are heavy laden and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls, for my yoke is easy and my burden is light. Matt. 11:28

The emptiest day

They say you live in hospitals and trenches/
and towers in the sky/
Well I'm not dying fighting any wars/
except on the inside/

The only thing I need is a void that you can fill/
So I jump ship and run even farther in your will/

And I/
Am looking for a well that won't run dry/
The rest that weary thoughts cannot deny/
When you wrap your arms around me/
I can walk away or face the emptiest day.

Caedmon's Call

identity: discovered

ok...so after years of wondering who I am I finally have been given the ultimate answer. Thanks to Matt's newest kick with chain letters I now know that I have a personality closest to Sponge Bob square pants. (I'm digging for the comfort in that fact and have yet to come up with it...)

Whew...glad I know

The merry old land of Oz

Another big DCS event...another round of everyone pulling together to make it happen....and another very long but fun weekend. This time it was the DCS play, The Wizard of Oz, which has been in the making for a few months now but lacked some essential planning and practice time. When I showed up at dress rehersal on Thursday night I was drafted to make corn out of paper, then watched as the actors rehersed on an ancient sound system and tried to learn their songs. When the rehersal was over the verdict came in...YIKES!!

The drama team spent the whole day at the Lincoln Theater on Friday, revamping sound, learning lines, building sets, blocking, and probably a whole bunch of other stuff that I don't know about. I went before the show to help with hair and makeup(if you ever feel like looking like a flying monkey, you'll know who to call) and ended up staying to help with the tech crew for the three shows. It was so fun...I'd never done anything backstage but the very able stage manager knew exactly what to do with an extra pair of hands...put them to work! I had fun herding munchkins, moving sets, raising the skrim (I'm sure that's not how you spell it...it's basically a really big heavy white sheet that hides sets), attempting to call toto off stage with the assistance of it's favorite chew toy, and watching from the wings. I also had the job of running the curtain around the house in "kansas" so that it wouldn't get caught on the roof. ...I only forgot once, but once was all it took. The house (and the two people in it) got smooshed and I'm just thankful that it was during the tornado scene....leave it to me! At any rate, we had fun and the play really came off well. Ryan, you make one heck of a cowardly lion!

We had lunch today with the senior citizens of the church and the youth group...great to get to know the "older and wiser" crowd a little better...they are the sweetest. We also had a great day for frisbee and got a little in somewhere around the homework. Somehow april has snuck up again and the green grass and daffodills are STUNNING. I'm so thankful for spring!

I hope you all have a great week...enjoy the new warm weather, anticipate the end of the year, and cheer loud for the Illini! Blessings~

The Park!!

Today I went to the park.

The PARK!! I can't remember the last time I spent 3 hours just chilling at a park, but I did today and it was awesome! A bunch of friends randomly decided sometime between lunch and the end of school that today was a park day...so we grabbed some clothes and headed into the GORGEOUS weather (it was like 65 degrees and sunny and windy) and we had a blast. We rolled down hills, played in the creek, identified cloud shapes, found a random stump in the woods and had team trust therapy (or something like that...ask Joni for the details), played frisbee (although the wind made that pretty difficult), and I swung (swang? swinged?) on a tire swing for the first time in I don't know how long! We also spent some time laying around and laughing at stupid things and talking about how close we are to graduation (all the sudden it's april!) and throwing grass at eachother. I felt like we were elementary kids again...bring it on!

Why is it that in our lives we find so little time for things like this? I wish I was the type of person who put down what I was doing and just stopped to ENJOY more often. I get so wrapped up in keeping up with my schedule that I forget that God put this green earth around us for a reason, and it isn't so there's a place to throw my gum during soccer games. :)

It's days like this that are like balm to the soul...great weather, awesome people to chat with, good crazy random times, and smiles around. If you haven't found a good park lately, grab a buddy and have some fun or just go lay under a tree for a while. I think it will do you good.

DONE!

After a long and drawn out week involving many late nights and distracted study hall sessions I have finally conquered my newest enemy! Wuthering Heights is FINISHED! Good thing too, because I have a four page paper due on Wednesday. Now that I've read every word all I have to do is refer to my motif references, come up with a stellar thesis, ...oh, and write a paper that is worthy of Mrs. Kok's eyes. ...there lies the rub. ah well...

Now that that's done I can relax a bit tomorrow...we're looking forward to a great morning of music and celebration and then lunch with the Bosticks and Costerisans. Good deal!

We spent yesterday and today in Champaign, taking a much needed family outing. It has been so long since we've spent some good family time "away from it all"...we had a great time shopping (ok...I lied...the girls had a great time shopping...Dad and TJ bought computer games and played in the mall's arcade) and swimming and playing games at the hotel. Then we came home tonight and watched Illinois' attempt at throwing half the country into cardiac arrest. ...Holy holy cow cow!! I'm not ready to see another game that's that close for a LONG time.

ILL...

have a great Easter!

Son of the Father

No, not Jesus
Not you or me or any other Christian.
Barabbas.

Did anyone else know that the translation for Barabbas is "son of the Father"? Tonight as our speaker was taking us through the timeline for the passion week he said this and it hit me like a ton of bricks. I mean, how many times have I read the passage and been mad again at the crowd for picking the "wrong one" to release? Everything in me screams "INJUSTICE" and I find myself loathing Barabbas. He deserved his punnishment...he should have died...but he got away. The nerve of some people!!

...add the above translation though and things started to fall into place. I realized for the first time that Barabbas isn't just another person in the story of the crucifiction week. He was the first one to experience complete, and yes unjust, forgiveness because of Christ's sacrifice. It wasn't fair and it certainly wasn't deserved...but it was given. Since Barabbas' release thousands, maybe millions have found the same forgivness in the same sacrifice...and they haven't deserved it any more. Suddenly, it's me I'm loathing.

Easter week is an amazing one. We are preparing a drama that was originally written as a radio play to present in chapel on Wednesday. The chapel will be very different than anything we've ever done because we're trying to make it like a good Friday service...focusing on the sacrifice and leaving the ressurection for Sunday. The solemnity of this play, even in rehersals every morning, strikes me as something that I gloss over too easily during this week every year. As my classmates learn their lines, I hear a gradual shift in their voices that tells me I'm not the only one who's heart is being impacted. I hear the roughness in the centurion becoming more pronounced, then suddenly softening once the sacrifice is made. I hear the voice of John comforting others while looking on, his heart so full of grief that he pronounces it "dead." I hear the voice of Mary, wondering how she can bear to watch her son suffer. And as my own voice adds to the jeers of the crowd and the hypocritical cynicism of the pharisees I am humbled beyond measure.

There is no explanation for this love but the amazing grace of God for all of the Sons of the Father. May he grant you the fullness of his joy as you anticipate his ressurection.