Five days. That’s all. As of July 23, our complete family had been in Decatur for only five 24 hour periods since summer started. On only five nights had we all laid our heads on the pillows designated for us. And for only five days had we been a full “family.” Dad was in England for 3 weeks, I was at Summit for 2, Casey was at camp for 2, and mom and dad hit a choral convention for another weekend. It’s been such an odd summer, but a cool one too because we’ve had to learn to connect and cope with only portions of our family unit. Forinstance, last week when mom and dad were gone and Casey was at camp, TJ and I had the house to ourselves for a few days. It was interesting to get to learn some things just about him…something I don’t often get the chance to do. I watched his ball games, talked with him about his friends, played with him in the rain, and learned that he’s man enough to not only endure but suggest chick flicks every once in a while. He has such a sweet spirit and I saw it in a renewed way during our 48 hours together. Cool stuff…little bro stuff…stuff I should never forget to notice.
So, anyways…5 days…and now suddenly we’re on vacation…relaxing and soaking up the beautiful Colorado air as a family. I love it! Just being in the car together all day for the first time in as long as I can remember was WEIRD, but such a great time to re-connect and tell stories and laugh. TJ told jokes, Dad rewrote state songs as we crossed each border, Casey slept a ton, I read and observed the scenery. Mom did a little of everything…utilizing her regular “little bags.” These are a family joke…somehow she always manages to jam about 15 of them between the front seats when we head out for an excursion. There’s the snack bag, the cosmetic bag, the reading bag, the activity bag, the “I really should do it but probably won’t till I get back” bag…etc. Over the course of the trip these bags usually migrate past us kids (“dude, Cheese-its?? Cool!!”) and into the trunk. She read some Dave Barry to us on the way and kept dad awake. That night we enjoyed quality time by the pool at the hotel and consumed way too much Chinese take-out. Ahhh…vacation.
Since we’ve been here we’ve done nothing and everything…all the normal haunts but nothing seemingly significant. If any of you were ever to accompany us on a vacation, you might shake your head at our rituals and occupations here in the beautiful rocky mountains. But you’d just have to deal with it. The very roads and trees up here carry significance, memories, and adventure for our family. We hike through Tin Cup, the only town within an hour (summer population about 300) and visit the beaver dams just beyond it. We enjoy a piece of pie at the café and look through post cards in the gift shop…the same 45 prints that they’ve had since I was 6. Dad always points out the large safes, which are the only remnants of the booming mining town that tin cup once was (over 3500 people at its peak). We visit the lily-pad pond…which has varying levels of water, lilies, and cow pies each year. We find our favorite scenic spot and take approximately 15 pictures in front of the peaks, which slice the blue sky in the same pattern as always. One of our favorite days is the “Taylor Canyon Picnic” day. On this momentous occasion we travel past the reservoir and down into the river canyon about 10 miles until we come to a campground that mom and her family visited every year when she was young. This river, filled with boulders and fly fisherman is perfect for a cooler and some blankets and a relaxing day. The activities rarely change. Jump rock to rock upstream for as long as possible…fall in if necessary…find a rock big enough to sit on for a while and just reflect. Take a nap on a blanket. Look for mountain goats on the cliffs above. Select a perfect boat (stick, branch, or even tree stump) and throw it in with the rest of the family…race downstream to the appointed finish line…cheer and/or dispute the winner…repeat. Journal and read. Fish. Eat sandwiches and entirely too many Oreos. This day always promotes good conversation and brings out the “frolick” in the parents. Actually, it should be noted that there was some new activity this year…mom and I and dad crossed a felled tree on hands and knees to reach a small island in the middle…quite an adventure! Oh…and it rained during lunch this year so we ate under the protective back doors of Grandpa’s jeep and our van backed together. Quite good…quite good!!
Of course, I have not yet mentioned the fishing, which is a daily task in the streams below our cabin. Groups venture out at all hours of the day to find their prey and enjoy the game of sneaking in on calm pools, dropping a juicy worm into the rapids above, and waiting for that satisfying jerk. Great fun…nothing like it. Nor can I say that I enjoy anything quite so much as the crisp mountain air and the way that you are completely out of breath by the time you climb the hill coming home.
And while the scenery and the activities never change, we keep coming back to this place…it’s a group of people…a stunning environment…a valley of memories, which holds not just stability but something new each time we make the trek. We’ve enjoyed Grandma’s great cooking all week…pondered and reflected on life, which somehow becomes silhouetted by the powerful nature around us…and caught up on all the family news. I can hardly believe that we’ll be coming home in a day!! I think I can sympathize with Dash and say, “That was like the best vacation EVER!!! …I love our family…”
Saturday, July 29, 2006
Tuesday, July 11, 2006
the frustrating thing about Tiggers
I had another identifying moment (actually more like an identifying chapter) in my life this week. I started a new job at an assisted living care center...covering for someone who's on vacation for a couple of weeks and pitching in as I can after that. I seriously need to write a book of short stories from the past few shifts...every moment is one that needs to be captured. For the sake of my memory (and in the hopes that perhaps someday I'll have time to do things like write well), I'd like to jot down a few. Enjoy.
Ida Mae is a sweet older woman who got completely frustrated a few days ago when she couldn't find the number 10 on her telephone. My co-worker tried to explain it to her but she did not believe that the number 10 was two numbers. I'm so glad that it wasn't in the room at the time...i had more than a brief chuckle from the incident.
Walter is the gentleman of the community...he is forever opening doors and watching for people who need a helping hand. he always has a smile and a wave, although he spends the majority of his days sitting on a couch in the commons room watching the same people pass by again and again. He is also quite an avid dancer...we had a musical group come in to play some old war tunes today and he took several of the ladies for a spin. Can you say CUTE??
The oldest member of the group is a sweet little lady, 97 years old just a few days ago. She is a 4 foot 7 ball of determination and a wonderfully precious personality. A surgery that she had a few weeks ago left her vocal chords paralyzed and reduced her to a very urgent whisperer. yesterday she had another surgery to loosen her "pipes" and when I went in today she had taken on the volume and tone of a life long smoker. ...My guess is that she'll be speaking full swing by tomorrow.
Gerry is a white-crowned lady who is a bit more independant. She has a walker but could probably benefit from a speed limit. She does three laps of our hallway every morning before and after breakfast...and whenever she reaches the end of a hall she flips her "support" around faster than you could imagine. She only seems unsure of herself when this walker is not at her side...unfortunately her memory sends me on the chase 3 or 4 times a day. :)
Another favorite pal of mine is a man named Lester...he's the closest thing I'll ever see to a living, breathing Don Knotts. His goofy smile, his gait, his tone of voice, and the little jigs he does on the way up and down the hallways (even despite his cane) keep all of us laughing and energized. How come he has more energy than me at 6 in the morning??
This job is SO different then my work at the hospital. In the place of chaos and files and doctors and interruptions are calmness and coaxing and smiles and long chats in the dining room. I have to give showers but I'm also asked to wait on tables and sit down with residents who are lonely and help the secretary if she needs it. It's less about a well oiled corporate machine and more about a team that does what needs to be done. I love the residents, love the staff, love the change in myself when I walk through the door. I've decided that I'm a tigger. ...that's weird cause I've always thought of myself as a bit of an Eyore...but after this week think not.
...I bounce...
Yeah...literally, but figuratively too. I'm energized by large groups and busy schedules. I like being needed but even if I'm not directly needed I usually try to get right in the middle of things anyway. Is that bad? I'm thinking not totally, but I have had pause to wonder in the last few days. Why is it that I'm not content to sit back and observe? That I can't stand more than a few days of "slow"...whatever that means?
I'm struck on a gargantuan level that while I thrive on the fast-paced and crazy I learn the best from the slow and thoughtful. Maybe that's why I love the mountains and the woods so much...they are the antithesis of "hectic" and yet they are anything but calm and subdued. Hmmm...
So here I am...a tigger...and suddenly I've knocked over a whole line of Poohs. ...Or rather, I've been knocked down by their willingness to keep both feet on the ground and look at the details around them. They enjoy the decorative tassels on the pillows as much as their visitors...and despite the numerous "Oh Bother" moments which plague the older generation, they are generally quietly pleasant. Is there a way to blend these two?? Am I supposed to choose one over the other? Maybe if I keep smashing into poohs I'll become some sort of hybrid. ...For now, I'm content with this experience that God's dropped in my lap...or directly under my "bouncy trouncy fun fun fun fun fun!!"
Blessings to you all...
Tuesday, July 04, 2006
Reeling
i'm back.
There's this weird feeling...similar to the one I felt on re-entering the country after a 6 month sojourn with my family in Europe. ...this odd sensation that everything I grew up around is strangely familiar but I see it totally differently. I remember the first time I saw a "Super Walmart" with its sprawling parking lots and bustling people. It's not that I'd never seen a building that big...but after 190 ish days in the cramped and reflective streets of England it was a shock. ...that's how I feel...like everything I see is now viewed through new eyes. It's exciting and daunting and a bit freaky.
Tonight we had our first college bible study since my return. We dove head first into some facinatingly frustrating questions that no one could answer. We got way off track but ended up hitting some very intersting convos. ...It was one of those nights where all I could do was hope that somehow God could take the mud we made and allow some pure water to come to the surface eventually. If there's one thing I learned at summit it was "doubt and questioning God are not bad...it is when we cease to struggle with Him that we are in danger."
My family and I spent the better part of today comparing notes on all the stuff we've been doing over the past three weeks. Dad loaded us up with chocolate (the good stuff...not the American crap we get here) and stories of British-isms. We got to reminice with him a bit about our time over there (I can't BELIEVE that was 5 years ago!) and he shared about his choir experience. He had some very interesting encounters, especially when it came to attempting intellectual conversations about spirituality. In light of the fire hydrant that has pushed me along these past few weeks, we had some interesting discussions and got to banter back and forth about the head knowledge and the "real world." I love my family because we have some amazing discussions when we get in the mood. I love that I have parents who care what I think and why...and I also happen to think they are some of the most wise people I know. I also showed lots of pictures of all my buddies from Summit. I've talked with someone from there every day...its nice to be in touch still, I miss them terribly.
I've been trying to slowly unpack my suitcase and my brain...attempting to slowly but surely pull everything out, assess it, and then re-process it as I can. I'm reeling the information back into myself in a slightly more organized manner...reeling while trying to re-adjust to life...reeling at the thought of all that I must dedicate myself to learning over the rest of the summer. I'm jazzed beyond belief but very tired. On that note...my bed is looking quite appealing, I believe I'll try it out. Blessings on your independance day, and love to you all.
Friday, June 23, 2006
Cedarville University
11:30 PM
Tonight I walked around after the final session to think and pray and explore a little. The grass was wet and my flip flop broke so I took off my shoes and walked in the grass. I love wet grass. I wandered down to the lake/pond here on campus. It’s been laughed at all week for its size, but tonight it truly did look idyllic. The wide, darkening sky and lights reflecting off its surface made it truly beautiful. We had a huge thunderstorm this afternoon and after the rain and the wind everything was extremely calm. I followed the grass around, aimlessly wandering and found a little bridge and fountain. It’s the part of campus clearly dedicated to aesthetics…and calling the pensive and the romantic. It’s my guess that more than one female Cedarville student has dreamt of sharing her first kiss on that bridge. For their sakes I hope it happened to.
Tonight I heard, hands down, the BEST explanation of the biggest problem students have with Christianity. “If God is so loving and so powerful, why am I sitting in the middle of evil? Why do people die, why do children get murdered, why do tsunamis take the lives of thousands?” Our speaker did not mince words…in fact, he shot down most of the cliché responses to this question and even a few responses that seem legitimate. He explained the logical and emotional reasons that people “pick a bone” with God…and he explained the reasoning that other worldviews give to the problem of evil. He pointed out that most people turn away from their belief in God because they are mad. Mad at who?? God. People understand the hurt of pain but they cannot come up with anyone to “blame” but Him. People who do bad things can be disregarded as immoral, natural disasters can be shirked as “unavoidable”, accidents can be passed off as the ultimate example of the randomness of life. But GOD…God should be able to handle all of this…and the presence of evil is truly unavoidable.
Ultimately, as the speaker pointed out tonight there is no “solution” to this problem…but there can be resolution as we begin to understand who it is that Christ has promised to be in our daily lives. I wish I had paid more attention to the verses that I read when I was little…to the ones that says that Christ doesn’t just forgive our sins but bears our sorrows (Isaiah 53). God has never promised that we would be without pain…but he has given a part of himself to feel the pain right along with us. As if the pain and blackness of our sins weren’t enough, Jesus has promised to feel everything that we do.
Ever paid attention to the shortest verse in the Bible? One of Jesus’ best friends has been sick, and even though he could have gone to help he doesn’t. The friend dies…and when Jesus finally shows up, Mary does not even try to hold back her frustration. “Jesus…if you had just come…just showed up…or even spoke the words from where you were, my brother might still be alive!!” …And Jesus, who knows full well that in 5 minutes Lazareth will be back from the dead, does not bother Mary with “it’s ok…just wait, this is gonna turn out GREAT!” Jesus doesn’t ask Mary for “more faith” or tell her “oh, this is just a growing experience.” No…he weeps with her. He takes her in his arms and feels her grief. He shows his human side, but more than that he shows us that he cannot ignore our pain. He has promised to bear it all. And after he has finished holding her, crying with her, he walks across the lawn and performs his most spectacular work yet to be seen on earth.
Our speaker also challenged us tonight that God created a world that he knew would fall not because he wanted us to go through crap but because he knew that we must have free will in order to truly love him back. God knew that a redeemed world, even one that was filled with hate and lies and pain, would ultimately be better than a world that had never fallen at all. Because let’s face it…if we were still in the garden, still perfect, and still living a life free from evil and sin, would we even take the time to realize that God was there?? But when we as his children are forgiven, comforted, and then redeemed to actually do good…then will we be able to look at our savior with love and run to him in helpless abandon. Wow. …wow….
I’ve just tried to nutshell about 1.5 hours of the 8+ hours of teaching I had today alone. And I don’t have time in this message to talk about the amazing worship sessions we’ve been having too. Or the slip-and-slide that we did today. Or the fantastic people here. Or the things God has been teaching me about being content with the person that I am no matter what I see around me.
Please pray for protection and faith to walk through the fiery darts that Satan is sending our way. It’s amazing how many kids have gotten calls in the last 48 hours about failing relatives, friends on death’s doorstep, or friends with new drug addictions. Thanks Lord for the teaching that we need…
I love you all…feel free to call me any time…I like voicemails!!
In his peace,
Me
11:30 PM
Tonight I walked around after the final session to think and pray and explore a little. The grass was wet and my flip flop broke so I took off my shoes and walked in the grass. I love wet grass. I wandered down to the lake/pond here on campus. It’s been laughed at all week for its size, but tonight it truly did look idyllic. The wide, darkening sky and lights reflecting off its surface made it truly beautiful. We had a huge thunderstorm this afternoon and after the rain and the wind everything was extremely calm. I followed the grass around, aimlessly wandering and found a little bridge and fountain. It’s the part of campus clearly dedicated to aesthetics…and calling the pensive and the romantic. It’s my guess that more than one female Cedarville student has dreamt of sharing her first kiss on that bridge. For their sakes I hope it happened to.
Tonight I heard, hands down, the BEST explanation of the biggest problem students have with Christianity. “If God is so loving and so powerful, why am I sitting in the middle of evil? Why do people die, why do children get murdered, why do tsunamis take the lives of thousands?” Our speaker did not mince words…in fact, he shot down most of the cliché responses to this question and even a few responses that seem legitimate. He explained the logical and emotional reasons that people “pick a bone” with God…and he explained the reasoning that other worldviews give to the problem of evil. He pointed out that most people turn away from their belief in God because they are mad. Mad at who?? God. People understand the hurt of pain but they cannot come up with anyone to “blame” but Him. People who do bad things can be disregarded as immoral, natural disasters can be shirked as “unavoidable”, accidents can be passed off as the ultimate example of the randomness of life. But GOD…God should be able to handle all of this…and the presence of evil is truly unavoidable.
Ultimately, as the speaker pointed out tonight there is no “solution” to this problem…but there can be resolution as we begin to understand who it is that Christ has promised to be in our daily lives. I wish I had paid more attention to the verses that I read when I was little…to the ones that says that Christ doesn’t just forgive our sins but bears our sorrows (Isaiah 53). God has never promised that we would be without pain…but he has given a part of himself to feel the pain right along with us. As if the pain and blackness of our sins weren’t enough, Jesus has promised to feel everything that we do.
Ever paid attention to the shortest verse in the Bible? One of Jesus’ best friends has been sick, and even though he could have gone to help he doesn’t. The friend dies…and when Jesus finally shows up, Mary does not even try to hold back her frustration. “Jesus…if you had just come…just showed up…or even spoke the words from where you were, my brother might still be alive!!” …And Jesus, who knows full well that in 5 minutes Lazareth will be back from the dead, does not bother Mary with “it’s ok…just wait, this is gonna turn out GREAT!” Jesus doesn’t ask Mary for “more faith” or tell her “oh, this is just a growing experience.” No…he weeps with her. He takes her in his arms and feels her grief. He shows his human side, but more than that he shows us that he cannot ignore our pain. He has promised to bear it all. And after he has finished holding her, crying with her, he walks across the lawn and performs his most spectacular work yet to be seen on earth.
Our speaker also challenged us tonight that God created a world that he knew would fall not because he wanted us to go through crap but because he knew that we must have free will in order to truly love him back. God knew that a redeemed world, even one that was filled with hate and lies and pain, would ultimately be better than a world that had never fallen at all. Because let’s face it…if we were still in the garden, still perfect, and still living a life free from evil and sin, would we even take the time to realize that God was there?? But when we as his children are forgiven, comforted, and then redeemed to actually do good…then will we be able to look at our savior with love and run to him in helpless abandon. Wow. …wow….
I’ve just tried to nutshell about 1.5 hours of the 8+ hours of teaching I had today alone. And I don’t have time in this message to talk about the amazing worship sessions we’ve been having too. Or the slip-and-slide that we did today. Or the fantastic people here. Or the things God has been teaching me about being content with the person that I am no matter what I see around me.
Please pray for protection and faith to walk through the fiery darts that Satan is sending our way. It’s amazing how many kids have gotten calls in the last 48 hours about failing relatives, friends on death’s doorstep, or friends with new drug addictions. Thanks Lord for the teaching that we need…
I love you all…feel free to call me any time…I like voicemails!!
In his peace,
Me
Saturday, June 17, 2006
~~ bittersweet ~~
I’m in a weird mood…not at all the type of mood I expected to be in right before I leave on my little “adventure” to Summit for the next two weeks. I kinda anticipated being totally jazzed about going…bouncing around and throwing clothes and Frisbees into a suitcase with all the loud songs and annoying movie quotes I could muster for background noise. But here I am in the middle of the afternoon sitting down to blog. I can’t remember the last time that happened. Interesting.
NOT to say that I’m not excited about Summit…I think it’s gonna be an incredible experience, although I’ve been warned that it will be like trying to drink out of a fire hydrant. I’m ready to learn and be challenged and given tools. And yeah, I’m ready to go meet some new people and see new places (although I know it’s gonna suck when I have to say “goodbye till heaven” at the end of 14 days). I’m driving out on my own, which is new and will be kind of fun. And I really am ready for a bit of an independence streak. But today was one of those days that caught me off guard…actually, this whole week did. God reminded me in a ton of ways how much He has given me here at home. It’s nice to remember those things when I get itching to “get out and do something big.”
Dad left for England on Tuesday, so the family has been sticking close these last couple of days. That has been a blast…many spades games and some movies and just chats on the living room floor. Why does it take a plane flight to London for me to get my act together and connect with people that live under the same roof as me? Hmmm… I’ve also been trying to get the house ready/lawn mowed/phone calls made around the house and have been working a fair amount.
I came home on Thursday night after the first genuinely FUN night of work I can ever remember. It was still work…I was still cleaning up after people, but I had a great night with a couple of the aides I’m working with (which included wheelchair races at one point of severe boredom) and also had some incredibly sweet patients…the kind that make you WANT to go back in and make sure there’s no linen on the floor and their water still has ice in it. Then there was the bitter part of the sweet…a lady who was fully functional only 48 hours earlier had fallen and had a stroke. She was disoriented and unresponsive verbally, but her eyes told it all. As I went in to check on her before I left, she wouldn’t stop touching me, trying so hard to tell me something…and although I was not able to hear what she was saying, her face was speaking volumes. I held her hand and got hit once again by the brevity of life…by the peace and love that she had received earlier while her daughter was in the room…by the suddenness of change. Lord may I never take one SECOND of my life for granted…
I’ve had the last two days off…got to have breakfast with Laura and Bethany, lunch with the family before I leave, and dinner (and a surprise breakfast extension) with Jackie and Andrew. Man I love all those kids. I cannot deserve such amazing friends, but I know God has placed them here specifically to teach me what I need. I feel like being with them is like communing with God himself sometimes…like sipping a little drop from the huge cup of Heaven’s glory. But as Andrew said today when we left “the time never satisfies”…and I got to thinking, isn’t that how it’s supposed to be?? Appetizers always leave us wanting more. And more there will be…
And now here I sit, with most of the clothing I own sitting in a suitcase and with my mind pondering all that I’ve heard and learned over the past couple of days. I feel like I can’t grasp it all lately. Like I can’t string everything together into one lesson. Like I’m learning by flashcards and not by a text book. I covet your prayers these next two weeks as I dive in to all of the knowledge that is about to be set before me and hope I come up with one teaspoon full to really hold on to. Pray that I will learn to listen more, to find conviction often, and to freely confess the things that are getting in the way. Pray that I can minister to the people I meet. Pray for patience. Thanks much.
Blessings on you all…give me a call if you want to especially during drive time. If you’re reading this, chances are I’m praying for you too.
Me
NOT to say that I’m not excited about Summit…I think it’s gonna be an incredible experience, although I’ve been warned that it will be like trying to drink out of a fire hydrant. I’m ready to learn and be challenged and given tools. And yeah, I’m ready to go meet some new people and see new places (although I know it’s gonna suck when I have to say “goodbye till heaven” at the end of 14 days). I’m driving out on my own, which is new and will be kind of fun. And I really am ready for a bit of an independence streak. But today was one of those days that caught me off guard…actually, this whole week did. God reminded me in a ton of ways how much He has given me here at home. It’s nice to remember those things when I get itching to “get out and do something big.”
Dad left for England on Tuesday, so the family has been sticking close these last couple of days. That has been a blast…many spades games and some movies and just chats on the living room floor. Why does it take a plane flight to London for me to get my act together and connect with people that live under the same roof as me? Hmmm… I’ve also been trying to get the house ready/lawn mowed/phone calls made around the house and have been working a fair amount.
I came home on Thursday night after the first genuinely FUN night of work I can ever remember. It was still work…I was still cleaning up after people, but I had a great night with a couple of the aides I’m working with (which included wheelchair races at one point of severe boredom) and also had some incredibly sweet patients…the kind that make you WANT to go back in and make sure there’s no linen on the floor and their water still has ice in it. Then there was the bitter part of the sweet…a lady who was fully functional only 48 hours earlier had fallen and had a stroke. She was disoriented and unresponsive verbally, but her eyes told it all. As I went in to check on her before I left, she wouldn’t stop touching me, trying so hard to tell me something…and although I was not able to hear what she was saying, her face was speaking volumes. I held her hand and got hit once again by the brevity of life…by the peace and love that she had received earlier while her daughter was in the room…by the suddenness of change. Lord may I never take one SECOND of my life for granted…
I’ve had the last two days off…got to have breakfast with Laura and Bethany, lunch with the family before I leave, and dinner (and a surprise breakfast extension) with Jackie and Andrew. Man I love all those kids. I cannot deserve such amazing friends, but I know God has placed them here specifically to teach me what I need. I feel like being with them is like communing with God himself sometimes…like sipping a little drop from the huge cup of Heaven’s glory. But as Andrew said today when we left “the time never satisfies”…and I got to thinking, isn’t that how it’s supposed to be?? Appetizers always leave us wanting more. And more there will be…
And now here I sit, with most of the clothing I own sitting in a suitcase and with my mind pondering all that I’ve heard and learned over the past couple of days. I feel like I can’t grasp it all lately. Like I can’t string everything together into one lesson. Like I’m learning by flashcards and not by a text book. I covet your prayers these next two weeks as I dive in to all of the knowledge that is about to be set before me and hope I come up with one teaspoon full to really hold on to. Pray that I will learn to listen more, to find conviction often, and to freely confess the things that are getting in the way. Pray that I can minister to the people I meet. Pray for patience. Thanks much.
Blessings on you all…give me a call if you want to especially during drive time. If you’re reading this, chances are I’m praying for you too.
Me
Friday, June 09, 2006
Time flies when...
...you're alive...
I've given up trying to pinpoint what it is that makes my life go at breakneck speeds. Sometimes it feels like that's just part of life. Oh well, enjoy what you can and hold on tight!!
So I guess summer hasn't made me any more dedicated to this blog...bummer. I just got done with my third straight 12 hour shift this week...and despite the fact that I have to be up again in 7 hours, I'm gonna do a quick post and catch up on life. NO MORE WORK FOR TWO DAYS!! :D
Let's see...I guess I'll start way back in May...the last week of it I spent up in Wiscosin at Chapter Focus Week, a training camp for Intervarsity leadership team. An 11 hour drive to the UP landed us on a beautiful camp site...surrounded by Lake Huron and smothered in cedar pines. This was an incredibly intense week that was a huge challenge and also a blast. I did a hard core study of the book of mark (ever done 6 hours of bible study every day for a week???) and met some amazing people in that class. My small group was clearly divinely put together...these people were so eager and giving...we had some amazing discussions and learned a ton. The evenings were dedicated to worship and prayer times with both the whole group and our smaller groups from each campus. Millikin's coordinators did a lot of work on specific goals and vision for the next year. We had a fantastic team and are prayerfully anticipating the start of next semester. Please pray for us if you will...this is an organization that has struggled at MU, but it is filled with some very dedicated students. Pray that we can have an effect on the people...pray that we will be bold to take on every day obstacles and not just let them slide because "that's the way it is."
I came home exhausted but very excited...only to land in the middle of graduation season. Great to see some of my buddies at all the parties...and hard to believe that only a year ago that was me! Highschool seems like a different world. I'm so excited to see where God takes all these people and how they will grow and change. Excited...and sad to see them go.
Work is in full swing now, and I'm greatly enjoying being on a mid shift and not having to pull nights anymore. I like the feeling of not being a "newbie" anymore, and generally having the respect of my co-workers. I've been making it a goal lately to change the perspective of difficult patients as I can...I make it a bit of a game...whenever someone passes on "she's impossible" or "you'll be in that room all day" I attempt to change the outlook while I'm on duty. It really is amazing how much a person's attitude will change with a little encouragement. And even when it doesn't, I find my attitude stays more likeable when I'm trying hard to change theirs.
We kicked off a summer college bible study this week, and had a great turnout for the night. I am really looking forward to the discussions we'll have...although being a leader scares me to death. I was reminded how many sharpening friends I've been blessed with as we sat around and talked that night. I hope this summer will be both helpful and encouraging to everyone in the group.
In other news (my sleep is shortening by the minute so I'll be brief):
~Zach and Tina got engaged...I get to be in the wedding and can't wait to help with all the details
~Dad's headed to England for 3 weeks next wednesday
~I discovered this past week that TJ will be in Junior High next year, is over 5 feet, and has arrived in the "girls are still weird but might be likeable" stage. WHEN DID THAT HAPPEN??
~Casey and I had a sister's day...spent way to much money and had a great time
~The first girl from our class is now officially married. Word on the street is that at least 4 more grads from our class will follow next summer if all goes as planned.
~I leave for Summit in Ohio in just over a week...can't wait
~the movie "Rumor has it" is not worth your time, so don't watch it
~ Annie and Aaron get married this weekend...got to finish that quilt!!
hope that everyone is doing well...sorry this got so long!! Hey, life is crazy but it's also summer time, so give me a jingle by golly!! Hope you are enjoying the ride,
me
I've given up trying to pinpoint what it is that makes my life go at breakneck speeds. Sometimes it feels like that's just part of life. Oh well, enjoy what you can and hold on tight!!
So I guess summer hasn't made me any more dedicated to this blog...bummer. I just got done with my third straight 12 hour shift this week...and despite the fact that I have to be up again in 7 hours, I'm gonna do a quick post and catch up on life. NO MORE WORK FOR TWO DAYS!! :D
Let's see...I guess I'll start way back in May...the last week of it I spent up in Wiscosin at Chapter Focus Week, a training camp for Intervarsity leadership team. An 11 hour drive to the UP landed us on a beautiful camp site...surrounded by Lake Huron and smothered in cedar pines. This was an incredibly intense week that was a huge challenge and also a blast. I did a hard core study of the book of mark (ever done 6 hours of bible study every day for a week???) and met some amazing people in that class. My small group was clearly divinely put together...these people were so eager and giving...we had some amazing discussions and learned a ton. The evenings were dedicated to worship and prayer times with both the whole group and our smaller groups from each campus. Millikin's coordinators did a lot of work on specific goals and vision for the next year. We had a fantastic team and are prayerfully anticipating the start of next semester. Please pray for us if you will...this is an organization that has struggled at MU, but it is filled with some very dedicated students. Pray that we can have an effect on the people...pray that we will be bold to take on every day obstacles and not just let them slide because "that's the way it is."
I came home exhausted but very excited...only to land in the middle of graduation season. Great to see some of my buddies at all the parties...and hard to believe that only a year ago that was me! Highschool seems like a different world. I'm so excited to see where God takes all these people and how they will grow and change. Excited...and sad to see them go.
Work is in full swing now, and I'm greatly enjoying being on a mid shift and not having to pull nights anymore. I like the feeling of not being a "newbie" anymore, and generally having the respect of my co-workers. I've been making it a goal lately to change the perspective of difficult patients as I can...I make it a bit of a game...whenever someone passes on "she's impossible" or "you'll be in that room all day" I attempt to change the outlook while I'm on duty. It really is amazing how much a person's attitude will change with a little encouragement. And even when it doesn't, I find my attitude stays more likeable when I'm trying hard to change theirs.
We kicked off a summer college bible study this week, and had a great turnout for the night. I am really looking forward to the discussions we'll have...although being a leader scares me to death. I was reminded how many sharpening friends I've been blessed with as we sat around and talked that night. I hope this summer will be both helpful and encouraging to everyone in the group.
In other news (my sleep is shortening by the minute so I'll be brief):
~Zach and Tina got engaged...I get to be in the wedding and can't wait to help with all the details
~Dad's headed to England for 3 weeks next wednesday
~I discovered this past week that TJ will be in Junior High next year, is over 5 feet, and has arrived in the "girls are still weird but might be likeable" stage. WHEN DID THAT HAPPEN??
~Casey and I had a sister's day...spent way to much money and had a great time
~The first girl from our class is now officially married. Word on the street is that at least 4 more grads from our class will follow next summer if all goes as planned.
~I leave for Summit in Ohio in just over a week...can't wait
~the movie "Rumor has it" is not worth your time, so don't watch it
~ Annie and Aaron get married this weekend...got to finish that quilt!!
hope that everyone is doing well...sorry this got so long!! Hey, life is crazy but it's also summer time, so give me a jingle by golly!! Hope you are enjoying the ride,
me
Wednesday, May 17, 2006
When "the flip side" becomes "this side"...
Umm…ok…I’m here…
Not in the middle of finals
Not trying to pull off concerts every other day
Not struggling through hours of reading
Not writing papers like it’s my job and I’m paid a million dollars a day.
Nope…none of that…zilch, nada, goose eggs. Suddenly, wonderfully, my entire schedule has changed, my personality is totally different, I spend my time in totally different ways, and I’m focused on new people and places. I’m not bipolar. It’s just that “the flip side” has become “this side.” For months I’ve been telling people… “I’m so sorry, I’ll do better at _______ once school gets over,” “I can’t think about that until _______ is over!!” and “No one needs sleep!! Ahh…I’ll get some on at the other end of the tunnel.”
Well my friends, the end of the tunnel is here…and I can’t deny it, I’m feeling the wind and the sunshine like never before. Hooray!! Praise the Lord!! Grades aren’t all in yet, but so far so good…and honestly I can’t do anything about it now so I don’t really care.
So far my break has been good…not exactly restful, but different, which feels great. After my last final on Saturday, we attended Lauren Burrises’ wedding…that was awesome, although I was caught a little off guard when I looked over during the ceremony and Mom was taking notes in the program. Notes for what? I shouldn’t have asked…can someone please tell my mom that it’s really gonna be a while?? Perhaps I should remind her that I don’t even have a boyfriend. Haha…no, it’s great to have a mom who’s prepared. No doubt she’ll be ready at the drop of a hat. I enjoyed getting to help at the reception and seeing everyone home. Sunday afternoon we had the Yurchak clan (Gaggle? Flock? Herd?) over for lunch…it’s sad that we only get to see them once every few years, but awesome how we pick up when we get back together. Katie ended up staying for a few hours longer, and she’s AMAZING. I think we have a lot in common and I enjoyed her crazy-fun personality (yay for giving each other crash courses of our year, crazy Walmart parking lot pictures, and peanut butter cookies).
This week I’ve caught up on sleep a little, been helping around the house (something I completely failed at for the last few months), and am trying to help the Bosticks out on their move. They have a beautiful new house and I’m loving moving boxes and “stuff” to all corners of it. So, now I'm off again to another day of everything but not the same everything as before. Summer is finally here!! Love you all...
Not in the middle of finals
Not trying to pull off concerts every other day
Not struggling through hours of reading
Not writing papers like it’s my job and I’m paid a million dollars a day.
Nope…none of that…zilch, nada, goose eggs. Suddenly, wonderfully, my entire schedule has changed, my personality is totally different, I spend my time in totally different ways, and I’m focused on new people and places. I’m not bipolar. It’s just that “the flip side” has become “this side.” For months I’ve been telling people… “I’m so sorry, I’ll do better at _______ once school gets over,” “I can’t think about that until _______ is over!!” and “No one needs sleep!! Ahh…I’ll get some on at the other end of the tunnel.”
Well my friends, the end of the tunnel is here…and I can’t deny it, I’m feeling the wind and the sunshine like never before. Hooray!! Praise the Lord!! Grades aren’t all in yet, but so far so good…and honestly I can’t do anything about it now so I don’t really care.
So far my break has been good…not exactly restful, but different, which feels great. After my last final on Saturday, we attended Lauren Burrises’ wedding…that was awesome, although I was caught a little off guard when I looked over during the ceremony and Mom was taking notes in the program. Notes for what? I shouldn’t have asked…can someone please tell my mom that it’s really gonna be a while?? Perhaps I should remind her that I don’t even have a boyfriend. Haha…no, it’s great to have a mom who’s prepared. No doubt she’ll be ready at the drop of a hat. I enjoyed getting to help at the reception and seeing everyone home. Sunday afternoon we had the Yurchak clan (Gaggle? Flock? Herd?) over for lunch…it’s sad that we only get to see them once every few years, but awesome how we pick up when we get back together. Katie ended up staying for a few hours longer, and she’s AMAZING. I think we have a lot in common and I enjoyed her crazy-fun personality (yay for giving each other crash courses of our year, crazy Walmart parking lot pictures, and peanut butter cookies).
This week I’ve caught up on sleep a little, been helping around the house (something I completely failed at for the last few months), and am trying to help the Bosticks out on their move. They have a beautiful new house and I’m loving moving boxes and “stuff” to all corners of it. So, now I'm off again to another day of everything but not the same everything as before. Summer is finally here!! Love you all...
Monday, May 01, 2006
*Dust*
We had an amazing sunday school lesson yesterday that has changed my perspective on the week in front of me. So I'm gonna write this down, so that I can remember it, and perhaps someone will benefit from the reading of it as well.
We discussed the Jewish education system more in depth than I've heard for a while. In a nutshell, all the kiddos go through a "basic" education which entails memorizing the first 5 books of the Bible by the age of 7. Those who are the cream of the crop move on to another school where they memorize the rest of the books. And the best of the best of this group move on to yet another level which studies history, phillosophy, and the interpretations or "yokes"of the great rabbis of the faith. Each rabbi (themselves the extreme elite of the educated) had a known interpretation of the scriptures and fashioned their teaching and understanding from these beliefs.
So when the best of the best of the best get out of school, they have decided which rabbi they agree with the most, and they have commited themselves to the rabbi's yoke. The final step to becoming a rabbi yourself was to go before each rabbi and answer hundreds of questions and hope to finally hear the words, "Come, follow me." This phrase of acceptance gave young men the confirmation that the rabbi thought the students could learn to be exactly like them. After this point, aspiring students would often be told "may you be covered with the dust of your rabbi"...may you follow so closely, that you will literally be stained by his steps.
We went on to draw a weird connection to the story in Matthew 14 of Peter walking on the water. Our teacher pointed out that Peter, and the other 11 men in the boat, had been called by Jesus to "come follow me." Come be just like me, you can make it, you can become not just my friend but my replica. It is this faith that causes Peter to come out of the boat and walk on the water like his rabbi. So what causes him to fall?? I've always assumed that Peter doesn't have enough faith in Jesus...but our teacher suggested that Peter was lacking faith not in Christ but in himself.
Wow...think about that for a few minutes. God has called all of us just as he called his disciples. They were common tradesmen...fishermen, tent makers, doctors. Just like them, we don't have the Bible memorized, we have not made it through ranks of Jewish teaching and history, we wouldn't know a rabbi if he met us on the street. But our great teacher has called us to come close to him, to be covered with his dust, and ultimately to become just like him. What keeps us back? What blocks our way? I realized that in my own life, I rarely believe that God can't do something...I believe that I am too weak to be used. In fact, as I thought about it, I think nine times out of ten my own insufficiencies are my greatest barrier to doing God's work. Not because I can't get around them, but because I refuse to believe that God can.
"Oh you of little faith...WHAT ARE YOU AFRAID OF??" (Matt 14:31)
me
myself
my foolishness
my pride
my distractions
my weakness
And out of 1 Corinthians, God hit me over the head.
"Remember dear brothers and sisters that few of you were wise in the world's eyes or powerful or wealthy when God called you. Instead, God chose the things the world considers foolish to shame those who think that they are wise. And he chose things that are powerless to shame those who are powerful. God chose the things despised by the world, things counted as nothing at all, and used them to bring to nothing what the world considers important. As a result, no one can ever boast in the presence of God."
And suddenly I realize that my weakness and insufficiency is PLANNED...they aren't mistakes, they are the GOAL....so that what I accomplish here on earth is unquestionably the work of God. Does God have faith in us? Absolutely not. Then why did he leave his message here and command us to spread it? Because he had faith that we could be used as his instruments. As our teacher said, "God calls the nobodies, the B-team, the not-good-enoughs, and he calls them to be his disciples and change the course of human history."
I'm shocked again after re-thinking all this...shocked and near tears and re-inspired to give the Lord another chance to do something big. May we all commit our lives to becoming a replica of our savior...to walking so close to him that people can't even distinguish us.
Blessings on you all...and may you be covered in the dust of your rabbi...
We discussed the Jewish education system more in depth than I've heard for a while. In a nutshell, all the kiddos go through a "basic" education which entails memorizing the first 5 books of the Bible by the age of 7. Those who are the cream of the crop move on to another school where they memorize the rest of the books. And the best of the best of this group move on to yet another level which studies history, phillosophy, and the interpretations or "yokes"of the great rabbis of the faith. Each rabbi (themselves the extreme elite of the educated) had a known interpretation of the scriptures and fashioned their teaching and understanding from these beliefs.
So when the best of the best of the best get out of school, they have decided which rabbi they agree with the most, and they have commited themselves to the rabbi's yoke. The final step to becoming a rabbi yourself was to go before each rabbi and answer hundreds of questions and hope to finally hear the words, "Come, follow me." This phrase of acceptance gave young men the confirmation that the rabbi thought the students could learn to be exactly like them. After this point, aspiring students would often be told "may you be covered with the dust of your rabbi"...may you follow so closely, that you will literally be stained by his steps.
We went on to draw a weird connection to the story in Matthew 14 of Peter walking on the water. Our teacher pointed out that Peter, and the other 11 men in the boat, had been called by Jesus to "come follow me." Come be just like me, you can make it, you can become not just my friend but my replica. It is this faith that causes Peter to come out of the boat and walk on the water like his rabbi. So what causes him to fall?? I've always assumed that Peter doesn't have enough faith in Jesus...but our teacher suggested that Peter was lacking faith not in Christ but in himself.
Wow...think about that for a few minutes. God has called all of us just as he called his disciples. They were common tradesmen...fishermen, tent makers, doctors. Just like them, we don't have the Bible memorized, we have not made it through ranks of Jewish teaching and history, we wouldn't know a rabbi if he met us on the street. But our great teacher has called us to come close to him, to be covered with his dust, and ultimately to become just like him. What keeps us back? What blocks our way? I realized that in my own life, I rarely believe that God can't do something...I believe that I am too weak to be used. In fact, as I thought about it, I think nine times out of ten my own insufficiencies are my greatest barrier to doing God's work. Not because I can't get around them, but because I refuse to believe that God can.
"Oh you of little faith...WHAT ARE YOU AFRAID OF??" (Matt 14:31)
me
myself
my foolishness
my pride
my distractions
my weakness
And out of 1 Corinthians, God hit me over the head.
"Remember dear brothers and sisters that few of you were wise in the world's eyes or powerful or wealthy when God called you. Instead, God chose the things the world considers foolish to shame those who think that they are wise. And he chose things that are powerless to shame those who are powerful. God chose the things despised by the world, things counted as nothing at all, and used them to bring to nothing what the world considers important. As a result, no one can ever boast in the presence of God."
And suddenly I realize that my weakness and insufficiency is PLANNED...they aren't mistakes, they are the GOAL....so that what I accomplish here on earth is unquestionably the work of God. Does God have faith in us? Absolutely not. Then why did he leave his message here and command us to spread it? Because he had faith that we could be used as his instruments. As our teacher said, "God calls the nobodies, the B-team, the not-good-enoughs, and he calls them to be his disciples and change the course of human history."
I'm shocked again after re-thinking all this...shocked and near tears and re-inspired to give the Lord another chance to do something big. May we all commit our lives to becoming a replica of our savior...to walking so close to him that people can't even distinguish us.
Blessings on you all...and may you be covered in the dust of your rabbi...
Thursday, April 27, 2006
Angels singing...Alleluiah
"He is no fool who gives what he cannot keep to gain what he cannot lose." ~Jim Elliot
...it's a quote I found on her Facebook wall that speaks volumes not just to her life but to her death. Betsy Smith is with her savior. There's nothing to say at this point...no words can express the feelings.
In this tough time I pray for faith like Job to say: "The Lord gives and the Lord has taken away...BLESSED BE THE NAME OF THE LORD" Our God is awesome, but it is easy to forget in times like this. I choose to praise you Lord for reminding me that your sovereignty is so much bigger than any "control" that I feel like I posess or deserve. Forgive me for my failure recognize your authority until something like this happens.
I'm praying, praying hard...and trusting God to bring this family back together soon.
Praise God from whom all blessings flow
Praise Him all creatures here below
Praise Him above ye heavenly hosts
Praise Father, Son, and Holy Ghost
Amen
...it's a quote I found on her Facebook wall that speaks volumes not just to her life but to her death. Betsy Smith is with her savior. There's nothing to say at this point...no words can express the feelings.
In this tough time I pray for faith like Job to say: "The Lord gives and the Lord has taken away...BLESSED BE THE NAME OF THE LORD" Our God is awesome, but it is easy to forget in times like this. I choose to praise you Lord for reminding me that your sovereignty is so much bigger than any "control" that I feel like I posess or deserve. Forgive me for my failure recognize your authority until something like this happens.
I'm praying, praying hard...and trusting God to bring this family back together soon.
Praise God from whom all blessings flow
Praise Him all creatures here below
Praise Him above ye heavenly hosts
Praise Father, Son, and Holy Ghost
Amen
Tuesday, April 18, 2006
Alive and Kicking....
Ok...so I don't have long (try not to make that sigh of relief audible...) but I wanted to check in and let you know about my awesome weekend. Easter is so cool, and I had a great time with everyone.
Thursday afternoon I spent some time at Mrs. Pinkley's. Her husband died in October, and after the initial rush of helpful people, I think she's a bit lonely. So mom and I kept her company for a bit and then invited her to have Easter with us. She is such a dear.
We got in a great game of Frisbee Friday afternoon...ended by some rocking Uno and a nacho cheese war with Matt...hehe...never a dull moment. It was a BEAUTIFUL weekend for the most part, although we had some very brief but severe storms as well. When I came home from work Thursday night there was a huge lightning storm...no rain...just electricity lighting up the whole world in an eerie gray light. It was incredible...I sat on the deck into the wee hours of the morning marveling at the power of God as shown in creation...that is until the tornado sirens drove me indoors.
Friday night was our good friday service at riverside. This type of service, very solemn and reflective was different for this congregation...but I love a dark service to reflect on the death before the joy of ressurection morning. How can we appreciate the joy fully without first contemplating the death?? Later that evening, we experienced a new game at Walmart...my super competitive friends and I spent the better part of 2 hours running around and looking for obscure items...ask if you want the details...it was awesome fun! We enjoyed a good girls morning on Saturday at a shower for Andrea Kneezel...it was wonderfully fun. She is amazing. Sunday was good as always...great service, amazing food at Kneezels, and time to hang with my college buddies as well as several additions from Cedarville. I also got to do an egg hunt for the first time since I was in like junior high. Why did we let that tradition go?
In short...I'm still here...still alive and kicking. But more than that, I've experienced a renewal of the promise for EVERLASTING life. That's a term I've grown up with...one that I have memorized, quoted, and glued to my forehead since I was a kid. And sure enough...I've lost it's meaning somewhere in the mix. That's why I love Easter so much. It's a powerful reminder of the most basic principles of our faith...it's a joy fest, the most tangible expression of perfect love, and a chance to praise God for his victory over sin and death.
Thursday afternoon I spent some time at Mrs. Pinkley's. Her husband died in October, and after the initial rush of helpful people, I think she's a bit lonely. So mom and I kept her company for a bit and then invited her to have Easter with us. She is such a dear.
We got in a great game of Frisbee Friday afternoon...ended by some rocking Uno and a nacho cheese war with Matt...hehe...never a dull moment. It was a BEAUTIFUL weekend for the most part, although we had some very brief but severe storms as well. When I came home from work Thursday night there was a huge lightning storm...no rain...just electricity lighting up the whole world in an eerie gray light. It was incredible...I sat on the deck into the wee hours of the morning marveling at the power of God as shown in creation...that is until the tornado sirens drove me indoors.
Friday night was our good friday service at riverside. This type of service, very solemn and reflective was different for this congregation...but I love a dark service to reflect on the death before the joy of ressurection morning. How can we appreciate the joy fully without first contemplating the death?? Later that evening, we experienced a new game at Walmart...my super competitive friends and I spent the better part of 2 hours running around and looking for obscure items...ask if you want the details...it was awesome fun! We enjoyed a good girls morning on Saturday at a shower for Andrea Kneezel...it was wonderfully fun. She is amazing. Sunday was good as always...great service, amazing food at Kneezels, and time to hang with my college buddies as well as several additions from Cedarville. I also got to do an egg hunt for the first time since I was in like junior high. Why did we let that tradition go?
In short...I'm still here...still alive and kicking. But more than that, I've experienced a renewal of the promise for EVERLASTING life. That's a term I've grown up with...one that I have memorized, quoted, and glued to my forehead since I was a kid. And sure enough...I've lost it's meaning somewhere in the mix. That's why I love Easter so much. It's a powerful reminder of the most basic principles of our faith...it's a joy fest, the most tangible expression of perfect love, and a chance to praise God for his victory over sin and death.
Christ the Lord is Risen Today, Alleluiah
Sons of men and angels say "Alleluiah"
Raise your joys and triumphs high, Alleluiah
Sing ye heavens and earth reply, Alleluiah
Lives again our glorious king, alleluiah
Where oh death is now thy sting? Alleluiah!
Once he died our souls to save Alleluiah
Where's thy victory oh grave? Alleluiah!
Soar we now where christ has lead, Alleluiah
Following our exaulted head, Alleluiah
Made like Him, like Him we rise Alleluiah
Ours the cross, the grave, the skies, alleluiah!!!
Today campus is alive with spring energy, the trees are flowering white and purple, and the whole place is covered with lush green grass. A little reflection, a lasting reminder of the blessing and gift of life!! I'm off to class...have a good one...
Friday, April 07, 2006
head in the clouds...(and I don't mean ditzy)
Hi all,
Holy cow, it's April, it's Friday, it's sunny, Easter is a week away, and I've got nothing to do for an hour...sounds like a great time to post!
Coming back from spring break has been hard but good...I can hardly believe how fast time is starting to fly. It has been so easy to be apathetic recently, with beautiful weather coming and fun stuff happening on campus. But I must focus!! So much stuff staring me in the face to do in the next five weeks. Two big research papers are underway, and I'm slowly climbing through source after source hoping that I'll come up with some good arguments. We present for our main research project to a board and group of students on April 28th...aka...I'd better get a good idea of what this thing is really gonna read like ASAP. Our Bio lab is picking up again...papers are done but now we're ready to memorize a huge number of bones and muscles...good stuff...applicable stuff...now I just have to convince my brain cells to keep absorbing for a little while longer! I'm also really enjoying my vocal jazz group...we've got a concert coming up and we're starting to make good sounds. I have learned so much from the experience and love the girls I'm singing with too!
We've had some nasty weather around here lately, which is good because I love thunderstorms but bad because tornados are not helpful people around here...there's been storms all over the country so keep those people in your prayers. We take the "little things" like a roof and cars with no dents for granted.
Ryan and Heather Jackson are now officially in a new house...I'm so excited for them. We have put in a lot of work re-painting and getting everything moved. Soon the re-modeling will be finished and hopefully some of the chaos will subside. I'm also hoping that then they will get to rest for a while...they work so hard to keep us all motivated and encouraged.
Let's see...what else? Oh...Intervarsity hosted a great outreach night the other night called "Stump the Chump." It was basically a chance for a non-threatening discussion environment. We inivted kids to drop questions about christianity in a box all week long, and then come for food and a discussion. Our two insanely smart "chumps" (one is a history buff, the other working on his doctorate in astrophysics) fielded questions about everything from predestination to grace versus justice. We had about 15 kids there that I had never seen before, many of whom I think were challenged a little by what was said. I continute to pray that God will take the seeds sown and cause them to grow. I also pray that we, his instruments, would be effective in reflecting a positive image of Christ on campus. Last night, one of the girls who I met at Stump the Chump showed up for prayer. I have no clue where she stands spiritually, but when we paired off I went over to pray with her and get to know her a little better. Turns out that a good friend of hers from high school had been killed in a car wreck this week. She openly shared her heart...the pain that no one can understand, the fact that the even rocked her world even though she didn't know the girl super well, the inspirational figure that this girl and her family had been. It was an awesome time of sharing, and I hope that she found even a little comfort within our group. I hope that she comes back. Please pray for her...I think God may have brought her across our path at a critical moment. Lord use me....
I found a quote about prayer that I thought was pretty good. The author is heading up a prayer team for the release of "The DaVinci Code" this summer (by the way, another great discussion starter...) I thought his words were pretty good...
"Prayer always works. (It probably won’t surprise you to discover that the head of a prayer ministry believes that.) Of course, a skeptic would reasonably counter my claim – planes crash, patients die, ill-prepared students still flunk. And while it’s hard to prove the effects of prayer on others, there’s one person on whom prayer always works…the person doing the praying. Prayer gets us in the right frame of mind. It puts things in perspective. Most importantly, it takes our struggles and doubts and worries out of our frustrated, feeble hands, and puts them in their proper place – in God’s tender, resilient and purposeful hands."
I'm really excited because I get to be on the IV leadership team next semester. A whole bunch of people from our chapter are going up to Wisconsin right after school gets out for a week of training camp with some other IV teams. I'm getting really excited about this and praying that what I experience up there will both equip me to serve here and draw the people in our group closer to each other. We are going to need all the three, four, and 15 cord strands we can get!
Still working at the hospital occasionally, still singing in church and school choir, still loving being close to my family (yeah, it gets frustrating at times, but much more often its so great to be in on their daily lives). Easter (my favorite holiday of all time) is only 8 days away...praise the Lord!!
The heavens declare you are God
And the Mountains rejoice
The oceans cry halleluiah
As we workship you Lord!!!
Holy cow, it's April, it's Friday, it's sunny, Easter is a week away, and I've got nothing to do for an hour...sounds like a great time to post!
Coming back from spring break has been hard but good...I can hardly believe how fast time is starting to fly. It has been so easy to be apathetic recently, with beautiful weather coming and fun stuff happening on campus. But I must focus!! So much stuff staring me in the face to do in the next five weeks. Two big research papers are underway, and I'm slowly climbing through source after source hoping that I'll come up with some good arguments. We present for our main research project to a board and group of students on April 28th...aka...I'd better get a good idea of what this thing is really gonna read like ASAP. Our Bio lab is picking up again...papers are done but now we're ready to memorize a huge number of bones and muscles...good stuff...applicable stuff...now I just have to convince my brain cells to keep absorbing for a little while longer! I'm also really enjoying my vocal jazz group...we've got a concert coming up and we're starting to make good sounds. I have learned so much from the experience and love the girls I'm singing with too!
We've had some nasty weather around here lately, which is good because I love thunderstorms but bad because tornados are not helpful people around here...there's been storms all over the country so keep those people in your prayers. We take the "little things" like a roof and cars with no dents for granted.
Ryan and Heather Jackson are now officially in a new house...I'm so excited for them. We have put in a lot of work re-painting and getting everything moved. Soon the re-modeling will be finished and hopefully some of the chaos will subside. I'm also hoping that then they will get to rest for a while...they work so hard to keep us all motivated and encouraged.
Let's see...what else? Oh...Intervarsity hosted a great outreach night the other night called "Stump the Chump." It was basically a chance for a non-threatening discussion environment. We inivted kids to drop questions about christianity in a box all week long, and then come for food and a discussion. Our two insanely smart "chumps" (one is a history buff, the other working on his doctorate in astrophysics) fielded questions about everything from predestination to grace versus justice. We had about 15 kids there that I had never seen before, many of whom I think were challenged a little by what was said. I continute to pray that God will take the seeds sown and cause them to grow. I also pray that we, his instruments, would be effective in reflecting a positive image of Christ on campus. Last night, one of the girls who I met at Stump the Chump showed up for prayer. I have no clue where she stands spiritually, but when we paired off I went over to pray with her and get to know her a little better. Turns out that a good friend of hers from high school had been killed in a car wreck this week. She openly shared her heart...the pain that no one can understand, the fact that the even rocked her world even though she didn't know the girl super well, the inspirational figure that this girl and her family had been. It was an awesome time of sharing, and I hope that she found even a little comfort within our group. I hope that she comes back. Please pray for her...I think God may have brought her across our path at a critical moment. Lord use me....
I found a quote about prayer that I thought was pretty good. The author is heading up a prayer team for the release of "The DaVinci Code" this summer (by the way, another great discussion starter...) I thought his words were pretty good...
"Prayer always works. (It probably won’t surprise you to discover that the head of a prayer ministry believes that.) Of course, a skeptic would reasonably counter my claim – planes crash, patients die, ill-prepared students still flunk. And while it’s hard to prove the effects of prayer on others, there’s one person on whom prayer always works…the person doing the praying. Prayer gets us in the right frame of mind. It puts things in perspective. Most importantly, it takes our struggles and doubts and worries out of our frustrated, feeble hands, and puts them in their proper place – in God’s tender, resilient and purposeful hands."
I'm really excited because I get to be on the IV leadership team next semester. A whole bunch of people from our chapter are going up to Wisconsin right after school gets out for a week of training camp with some other IV teams. I'm getting really excited about this and praying that what I experience up there will both equip me to serve here and draw the people in our group closer to each other. We are going to need all the three, four, and 15 cord strands we can get!
Still working at the hospital occasionally, still singing in church and school choir, still loving being close to my family (yeah, it gets frustrating at times, but much more often its so great to be in on their daily lives). Easter (my favorite holiday of all time) is only 8 days away...praise the Lord!!
The heavens declare you are GodAnd the Mountains rejoice
The oceans cry halleluiah
As we workship you Lord!!!
Wednesday, March 15, 2006
Beware the Ides of March~
I still don't know what an Ide is, but I thought you should be warned...
Greetings and salutations all,
I'm 3 days away from spring break and holding out quite well actually (we'll see how I feel about it after my tests on Friday). I had a bunch of papers due this week originally, but they got postponed. This means that I'll be writing papers all break, but at least I'm breathing normally this week. Good enough....
I spent a lot of last week hanging out with people who were home on spring break...Jacks and Andrew were back in town...it's always great to let that trio re-unite and hash things out thouroughly. We had a great talk about everything from churches to the love lives of all the people we know. Great talk, good coffee, amazing friends...what more could I ask for?
Friday night I had a clash of my worlds...had a ton of people over for ice cream and fun...some MU people, some high school buddies, even a few church friends....it was kinda fun to introduce them to each other and then make them have fun. :) No, actually we had a blast...even when the basement flooded and put about 7 of us in our bare feet mopping up water and moving furniture. Fun times.
Sat. AM the Costerisans made a waffle breakfast for a bunch of the college kids...that was a great time of relaxation. Some of the MU girls sang in church on Sunday too...that's something I'd definitely like to do again, we had a blast. After church some of us went to stuff ourselves with Chinese food at Sakura. Believe it or not, squid is not too bad. We also had a massive spit wad war. I saw a quote this week that said, "you can only be young once, but immaturity lasts for a lifetime" ...hehe
Monday was my 19th birthday...crazy to think I could possibly be that old!! I had lunch with the girl who sits next to me in choir since we are birthday twins. Got a lot of cool stuff (including a frisbee, clothes, a CD, and a cigar...) and had mom's amazing peanut butter ice cream pie. Who needs a cake? I thought my birthday was done but at 11:15 my doorbell rang and my friends from IV were there and ready to kidnap me. They whisked me away to steak N shake, despite the fact that I was in my PJ's. They had compiled a binder of embarassing photos, birthday quotes, things people had said about me, etc. They also made me cards and etc...it was so sweet! Thanks guys!
Last night I went to a Ben Folds concert here at MU...that was pretty amazing. He is a GREAT musician...so talented, but unpolished and fun and relaxed. His lyrics are interesting, his style is so broad, and his voice is great. But man, I had trouble getting past his language and the way he flippantly used the name of Christ. One of his songs must have been submitted in a competition to see how many cuss words would fit in one song. Unfortunately that's the song he had the audience sing along to. As my classmates and hundreds of others lifted their voices I was greatly saddened. So I'm thankful for the musical element but reminded once again of how easily the devil takes the good in this life (like music) and twists it all around. hmmm....
My birthday got an unexpected extension today when I got to have breakfast with Laura Cos...always a treat and a half dearest! Anyhoo, much fun and celebration...now back to real life and tests and papers! That's all for now, gonna head out and hit those books.
Blessings on you all...keep on keeping on, and keep an eye out for those Ides...
Greetings and salutations all,
I'm 3 days away from spring break and holding out quite well actually (we'll see how I feel about it after my tests on Friday). I had a bunch of papers due this week originally, but they got postponed. This means that I'll be writing papers all break, but at least I'm breathing normally this week. Good enough....
I spent a lot of last week hanging out with people who were home on spring break...Jacks and Andrew were back in town...it's always great to let that trio re-unite and hash things out thouroughly. We had a great talk about everything from churches to the love lives of all the people we know. Great talk, good coffee, amazing friends...what more could I ask for?
Friday night I had a clash of my worlds...had a ton of people over for ice cream and fun...some MU people, some high school buddies, even a few church friends....it was kinda fun to introduce them to each other and then make them have fun. :) No, actually we had a blast...even when the basement flooded and put about 7 of us in our bare feet mopping up water and moving furniture. Fun times.
Sat. AM the Costerisans made a waffle breakfast for a bunch of the college kids...that was a great time of relaxation. Some of the MU girls sang in church on Sunday too...that's something I'd definitely like to do again, we had a blast. After church some of us went to stuff ourselves with Chinese food at Sakura. Believe it or not, squid is not too bad. We also had a massive spit wad war. I saw a quote this week that said, "you can only be young once, but immaturity lasts for a lifetime" ...hehe
Monday was my 19th birthday...crazy to think I could possibly be that old!! I had lunch with the girl who sits next to me in choir since we are birthday twins. Got a lot of cool stuff (including a frisbee, clothes, a CD, and a cigar...) and had mom's amazing peanut butter ice cream pie. Who needs a cake? I thought my birthday was done but at 11:15 my doorbell rang and my friends from IV were there and ready to kidnap me. They whisked me away to steak N shake, despite the fact that I was in my PJ's. They had compiled a binder of embarassing photos, birthday quotes, things people had said about me, etc. They also made me cards and etc...it was so sweet! Thanks guys!
Last night I went to a Ben Folds concert here at MU...that was pretty amazing. He is a GREAT musician...so talented, but unpolished and fun and relaxed. His lyrics are interesting, his style is so broad, and his voice is great. But man, I had trouble getting past his language and the way he flippantly used the name of Christ. One of his songs must have been submitted in a competition to see how many cuss words would fit in one song. Unfortunately that's the song he had the audience sing along to. As my classmates and hundreds of others lifted their voices I was greatly saddened. So I'm thankful for the musical element but reminded once again of how easily the devil takes the good in this life (like music) and twists it all around. hmmm....
My birthday got an unexpected extension today when I got to have breakfast with Laura Cos...always a treat and a half dearest! Anyhoo, much fun and celebration...now back to real life and tests and papers! That's all for now, gonna head out and hit those books.
Blessings on you all...keep on keeping on, and keep an eye out for those Ides...
Tuesday, March 07, 2006
seeking...
you are the potter, I am the clay
mold me and make me...this is what I pray
Change my heart oh God
Make it ever true...
Change my heart oh God
may I be like you
"Then you will call to me, and come and pray to me and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart"
Jeremiah 29:12-13
mold me and make me...this is what I pray
Change my heart oh God
Make it ever true...
Change my heart oh God
may I be like you
"Then you will call to me, and come and pray to me and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart"
Jeremiah 29:12-13
Monday, February 27, 2006
Psssst........hey!!....over here!
we've got to whisper for a while...cause you know as well as I do that it's perfectly illegal to do anything for yourself while you're in college...sorry it's taken us so long to rendevous...this college thing is sucking me in like so many dust bunnies in a vacuume cleaner...
I considered about appologizing ahead of time for the length that is about to insue, but while reading a journal entry of Andrew Peterson's the other day (which itself was quite lengthy), I realized that that is not needed. Read if you want...don't if you've got something better to do, but in the meantime I'm going to try to document the highs and lows of my last few weeks.
School is school...going fine but very time consuming. I just made it through my first round of tests which feels good...but midterms are also aproaching with scary movie music begining to sound in the distance. Our bio labs have been FACINATING of recent weeks...we're studying basically every phylum in the universe...and memorizing them all for my test thursday Lord willing...it has been great to finally learn to use microscopes and get a handle on such a large knowledge base.
I've been getting really involved with some of the IV kids recently...going to prayer in the evenings almost every night ( a great time of reflection on the day and supporting each other), going to large group meetings when I can, and attending training sessions for next year's leadership team, which I hope to be a part of. This has been really good for me...a great chance for being challenged and staying accountable.
This past weekend was vocal jazz fest at MU, when a bunch of high school jazz groups came to perform and spent a half hour with a clinician for some tips. I helped chaperone a group around for a while and then my jazz group sang at the end of the day. It was fun...and a great experience for our young group of singers. May I say that kirkland stage feels huge when there are only 9 of you and the microphones up there...
Had some of my music buddies over to the house the other night for games and a movie...that was a blast. I think it scared a few of them to knock on the door and have "DR HOLMES" answer. :) hehe...it really does crack me up some times to be the daughter of my dad...I hope he doesn't mind having his students in his refrigerator one minute and in his class the next.
Speaking of music, next Saturday we'll be performing a major work...a requiem by Verdi with full orchestra and soloists from Chicago. Composers for hundreds of years have been using the same texts to set their works to...a requiem is just a specific set of latin texts which many different composers set their own music to. Most of the work is spent singing about "Dies Irae"...the day of judgement. The requiem was typically a funeral mass, and in some lights you could see this concert as and hour and 15 min of singing about hell fire and brimstone in Latin...but if you could hear these choirs...the HUGE sound, the orchestra, and the pleading texts "Deliver me, O Lord, from eternal death, on that fearful day when the heavens are moved and the earth when thou shalt come to judge the world through fire. Rest eternal grant your children, O Lord, and let perpetual light shine on them. Lord have mercy...Christ have mercy" ...wow...I get shivers just thinking about it. So while this concert means four extra rehersals this week, I'm very excited about it...
I've been reading through the gospels in the last couple of weeks...trying to get through them before easter as a precursor. I haven't ever just sat down and read these books as a whole so I'm really excited about it. A few days ago I finished the sermon on the mount in Matthew. Took me a while to look at it all slowly and carefully...some facinating lessons there. I'm amazed over and over about how Christ takes the state of the religious people there and attempts to show them how much they have missed the heart of the matter. "You have heard it said that you should not murder, but I tell you that he that is angry with his brother is guilty of the same sin." "You have heard it said 'and eye for and eye' but I tell you do not resist the evil person...when your enemy strikes you, turn the other cheek" "You have heard that you should not commit adultery with another man's wife, but I tell you that he who even looks at a woman (or man) lustfully has already committed lust in his heart." Why is it that I get so tied up on the rules...the things I have to do in order to "pass the test" and totally miss the motives of my own heart? It's a challenge that I can't overlook and one that I know will be a life long struggle. Somehow I pray that I can learn to live a life of freedom by the spirit and yet use that freedom to surrender myself...my whole self...
Ok wow...so I have class in 3 minutes and I really have to run. If you're reading this, thanks for listening...if not...that's Ok too...
Blessings on your new week....
I considered about appologizing ahead of time for the length that is about to insue, but while reading a journal entry of Andrew Peterson's the other day (which itself was quite lengthy), I realized that that is not needed. Read if you want...don't if you've got something better to do, but in the meantime I'm going to try to document the highs and lows of my last few weeks.
School is school...going fine but very time consuming. I just made it through my first round of tests which feels good...but midterms are also aproaching with scary movie music begining to sound in the distance. Our bio labs have been FACINATING of recent weeks...we're studying basically every phylum in the universe...and memorizing them all for my test thursday Lord willing...it has been great to finally learn to use microscopes and get a handle on such a large knowledge base.
I've been getting really involved with some of the IV kids recently...going to prayer in the evenings almost every night ( a great time of reflection on the day and supporting each other), going to large group meetings when I can, and attending training sessions for next year's leadership team, which I hope to be a part of. This has been really good for me...a great chance for being challenged and staying accountable.
This past weekend was vocal jazz fest at MU, when a bunch of high school jazz groups came to perform and spent a half hour with a clinician for some tips. I helped chaperone a group around for a while and then my jazz group sang at the end of the day. It was fun...and a great experience for our young group of singers. May I say that kirkland stage feels huge when there are only 9 of you and the microphones up there...
Had some of my music buddies over to the house the other night for games and a movie...that was a blast. I think it scared a few of them to knock on the door and have "DR HOLMES" answer. :) hehe...it really does crack me up some times to be the daughter of my dad...I hope he doesn't mind having his students in his refrigerator one minute and in his class the next.
Speaking of music, next Saturday we'll be performing a major work...a requiem by Verdi with full orchestra and soloists from Chicago. Composers for hundreds of years have been using the same texts to set their works to...a requiem is just a specific set of latin texts which many different composers set their own music to. Most of the work is spent singing about "Dies Irae"...the day of judgement. The requiem was typically a funeral mass, and in some lights you could see this concert as and hour and 15 min of singing about hell fire and brimstone in Latin...but if you could hear these choirs...the HUGE sound, the orchestra, and the pleading texts "Deliver me, O Lord, from eternal death, on that fearful day when the heavens are moved and the earth when thou shalt come to judge the world through fire. Rest eternal grant your children, O Lord, and let perpetual light shine on them. Lord have mercy...Christ have mercy" ...wow...I get shivers just thinking about it. So while this concert means four extra rehersals this week, I'm very excited about it...
I've been reading through the gospels in the last couple of weeks...trying to get through them before easter as a precursor. I haven't ever just sat down and read these books as a whole so I'm really excited about it. A few days ago I finished the sermon on the mount in Matthew. Took me a while to look at it all slowly and carefully...some facinating lessons there. I'm amazed over and over about how Christ takes the state of the religious people there and attempts to show them how much they have missed the heart of the matter. "You have heard it said that you should not murder, but I tell you that he that is angry with his brother is guilty of the same sin." "You have heard it said 'and eye for and eye' but I tell you do not resist the evil person...when your enemy strikes you, turn the other cheek" "You have heard that you should not commit adultery with another man's wife, but I tell you that he who even looks at a woman (or man) lustfully has already committed lust in his heart." Why is it that I get so tied up on the rules...the things I have to do in order to "pass the test" and totally miss the motives of my own heart? It's a challenge that I can't overlook and one that I know will be a life long struggle. Somehow I pray that I can learn to live a life of freedom by the spirit and yet use that freedom to surrender myself...my whole self...
Ok wow...so I have class in 3 minutes and I really have to run. If you're reading this, thanks for listening...if not...that's Ok too...
Blessings on your new week....
Saturday, February 11, 2006
Yeah...it had better be Friday...
Hi all,
It's been a while and I'm amazed at how fast time is starting to fly. Perhaps because of the heavy class load, perhaps because of the crazy happenings in the rest of life it feels like I'm spinning more plates than ever before. It's a good feeling too though...it's gonna be spring break before we know it!
I just got home from a fun part-ay with some of my IV buddies...we watched a countdown of the top 100 teen stars of the 80's and 90's...it was pretty good times. Then we chowed down on pizza during "Anchorman" and "Drop dead gorgeous"...I can't probably recommend either of them...but I sure laughed a lot tonight.
Tomorrow a bunch of the same kids are going up to Champaign for a concert by the acapella group "the Extention Chords"...I hope to go with them and so get in my party quotient for the weekend.
This week in school I learned how to create a powerpoint presentation (it's not done yet but the fact that I haven't blown anything up with the technology so far is re-assuring) and in my Visual Rhetoric (the persuasion of visual images) class we are learning some awesome stuff about how images, colors, and even shapes shape how we think. It's facinating and scary at the same time. We'll be doing a research project in this class, which is a bit daunting...but we'll take it as it comes.
Bio is overwhelming at best, but I am being exposed to an amazing amount of knowledge and our labs are really cool. well...I think so. ...I'm pretty sure that I really grossed my dad out when I told him about the fungus growth that we are observing on horse dung. hehe...I've decided that it is a biology major's fate to take whatever the world thinks is disgusting or "untouchable" and stick it under a microscope for a closer look. But hey, I can definitely see the connection between a cure for cancer and cutting apart a flatworm to see if it will regenerate a head...yeah...no problem...
I'm amazed ever day at how much God has provided great friends for me here. Somehow I am meeting scads of them all the sudden, and I think it's because I've finally realized that I need to be in the music building more often. I am having some great times with the girls in my choir and jazz group, the freshman boys in an acapella group called "remedy," and the kids in my dad's choir who keep me updated on his sanity. There is a warmth and closeness around people who make music together...I'm eating it up. While in the science building Mary and I are sticking close but also finally meeting some fun study buddies if nothing else.
In many ways, this past week has been one of the toughest I remember in a long time...and yet God has been faithful...I only wish that I could be faithful in return. I ache to show these kids a love that is far bigger than me or any of us...yet I balk in the face of the unknown and the seemingly self-sufficient people I meet.
I've been yearning for Friday for a good week now...and suddenly it's Saturday. Crap. That means study day...ok...time for bed!! :)
Blessing and sweet dreams~
"He will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast, because he trusts in you. Trust in the Lord forever, for the Lord, the lord is the Rock eternal."
~Isaiah 26:3-4
It's been a while and I'm amazed at how fast time is starting to fly. Perhaps because of the heavy class load, perhaps because of the crazy happenings in the rest of life it feels like I'm spinning more plates than ever before. It's a good feeling too though...it's gonna be spring break before we know it!
I just got home from a fun part-ay with some of my IV buddies...we watched a countdown of the top 100 teen stars of the 80's and 90's...it was pretty good times. Then we chowed down on pizza during "Anchorman" and "Drop dead gorgeous"...I can't probably recommend either of them...but I sure laughed a lot tonight.
Tomorrow a bunch of the same kids are going up to Champaign for a concert by the acapella group "the Extention Chords"...I hope to go with them and so get in my party quotient for the weekend.
This week in school I learned how to create a powerpoint presentation (it's not done yet but the fact that I haven't blown anything up with the technology so far is re-assuring) and in my Visual Rhetoric (the persuasion of visual images) class we are learning some awesome stuff about how images, colors, and even shapes shape how we think. It's facinating and scary at the same time. We'll be doing a research project in this class, which is a bit daunting...but we'll take it as it comes.
Bio is overwhelming at best, but I am being exposed to an amazing amount of knowledge and our labs are really cool. well...I think so. ...I'm pretty sure that I really grossed my dad out when I told him about the fungus growth that we are observing on horse dung. hehe...I've decided that it is a biology major's fate to take whatever the world thinks is disgusting or "untouchable" and stick it under a microscope for a closer look. But hey, I can definitely see the connection between a cure for cancer and cutting apart a flatworm to see if it will regenerate a head...yeah...no problem...
I'm amazed ever day at how much God has provided great friends for me here. Somehow I am meeting scads of them all the sudden, and I think it's because I've finally realized that I need to be in the music building more often. I am having some great times with the girls in my choir and jazz group, the freshman boys in an acapella group called "remedy," and the kids in my dad's choir who keep me updated on his sanity. There is a warmth and closeness around people who make music together...I'm eating it up. While in the science building Mary and I are sticking close but also finally meeting some fun study buddies if nothing else.
In many ways, this past week has been one of the toughest I remember in a long time...and yet God has been faithful...I only wish that I could be faithful in return. I ache to show these kids a love that is far bigger than me or any of us...yet I balk in the face of the unknown and the seemingly self-sufficient people I meet.
I've been yearning for Friday for a good week now...and suddenly it's Saturday. Crap. That means study day...ok...time for bed!! :)
Blessing and sweet dreams~
"He will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast, because he trusts in you. Trust in the Lord forever, for the Lord, the lord is the Rock eternal."
~Isaiah 26:3-4
Friday, February 03, 2006
me of little faith...
What will be left when I’ve drawn my last breath,
besides the folks I’ve met and the folks who know me?
Will I discover a soul saving love or just the dirt above and below me?
I’m a doubting Thomas, I took a promise, but I do not feel safe.
Oh me of little faith.
Sometimes I pray for a slap in the face,
Sometimes I pray for a slap in the face,
then I beg to be spared cause I’m a coward.
If there's a master of death, I bet he's holding his breath
as I show the blind and tell the deaf about his power.
I'm a doubting Thomas...I can't keep my promises, cause I don't know what's safe...
Oh me of little faith.
Can I be used to help others find truth when I’m scared I’ll find proof that it’s a lie?
Can I be lead down a trail dropping breadcrumbs that prove I’m not ready to die?
Please give me time to decipher the signs,
Please give me time to decipher the signs,
please forgive me for time that I've wasted.
I'm a doubting Thomas, I take your promises though I know nothing's "safe."
Oh me of little faith.
Nickel Creek
"In this you gratly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that your faith--of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire,--may be proven genuine and may result in praise, glory, and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed. Though you have not seen Him, you love Him; and even though you do not see Him now, you believe in Him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy, for you are receiving the goal of your faith...the salvation of your souls"
1 Peter 1:6-9
Tuesday, January 31, 2006
Birthday bashes, potlucks, wimps, and construction...
Well well well, lookie here...it's almost February! What?? February?
Indeed the days seem to fly right now. It's midnight and I have 3 other things I should be doing right now...but I had a few random events I wanted to chronicle before I get into the Word and then hit the hay. I know if I don't write them down now, they will slip through my fingers like so many poppyseeds...
Let's see...events recently include a surprise 50th birthday party for my dad, a not surprise 16th birthday party for Casey (license to follow in about 4 weeks...), work, school, a church potluck (and a hillarious convo involving boogered meat and spoons...), and an afternoon with my friend Cristina from Millikin. She is an absolute sweetie...I hope you all get to meet her some day. We frequented Culver's and had some very uplifting conversation...I anticipate a lasting and meaningful friendship with her!
School is in full swing and after just a week and a half I must admit I'm a little overwhelmed. Yet I love my classes, and I'm facinated with all that I'm finding there is to learn. I secretly laughed when my critter teacher told us the other day that "the more you know, the more you know"...but as I've pondered that phrase I've begun to wonder about what does happen when you know more. I got so curious that I wasted about 45 min the other day looking it up...here's some that I found:
"the more you know, the less you understand"
"the more you know, the more you sell"
"the more you know, the more you see, the more you percieve"
"the more you know, the more you know there's more to know"
"the more you know, the more options you have"
"the more you know, the harder it will be to make decisive choices"
...I could go on, but you get the point...and I'll let you decide which one is the most true or applicable. There's a point where I think all of us wonder, "where is this going?"...and yet I have been very convicted of late that God's purposes are not held outside of academia, though my friend Millikin would love for me to believe that. The God of all who fasioned our human minds in a way that we still don't comprehend surely wants us to put them to good use. There's something quickening and exciting about that truth...about the possiblity that all of this "know" could cause us to do some growing...and, Lord willing, some "doing" too.
Speaking of doing, I saw the movie "End of the Spear" twice this weekend...once with Cristina and again with my family and the Costerisans. As we walked out of the theater, my friend turned to me and said, "man, I feel like a wimp..." ...ditto...
If you haven't heard about it, it's the true story of the group of missionaries who were speared to death preaching to the native people of Equador. Jim Elliot, one of the 5 men killed, has had his story told often, but this movie was told from the perspective of the son of another missionary. His story is one of incredible courage, intense pain, and the battle for forgiveness and sacrifice in his own adult life. Although the message of the gospel is not as blatant as I would have liked, for those of us who know Christ's calling to "Preach the word," the challenge is as clear as it is frightening and breathtaking. I won't talk any more about it, but if you haven't seen it, I would give it a shot.
God has been doing some pretty tough chiseling on my heart in recent weeks...if you think of it, please pray for me. I guess you'd say I'm going through a little bit of a personal construction project...one whose end is not in sight but whose improvements I hope to see soon. Its funny how I never notice how big of a problem I have until I start trying to change it...thanks Lord for speaking clearly.
Well, tomorrow I have classes and/or babysitting from 8am to 9:30 pm straight...so it's really time I hit the hay...may he continue to bless you as you give your hearts to him...goodnight
Indeed the days seem to fly right now. It's midnight and I have 3 other things I should be doing right now...but I had a few random events I wanted to chronicle before I get into the Word and then hit the hay. I know if I don't write them down now, they will slip through my fingers like so many poppyseeds...
Let's see...events recently include a surprise 50th birthday party for my dad, a not surprise 16th birthday party for Casey (license to follow in about 4 weeks...), work, school, a church potluck (and a hillarious convo involving boogered meat and spoons...), and an afternoon with my friend Cristina from Millikin. She is an absolute sweetie...I hope you all get to meet her some day. We frequented Culver's and had some very uplifting conversation...I anticipate a lasting and meaningful friendship with her!
School is in full swing and after just a week and a half I must admit I'm a little overwhelmed. Yet I love my classes, and I'm facinated with all that I'm finding there is to learn. I secretly laughed when my critter teacher told us the other day that "the more you know, the more you know"...but as I've pondered that phrase I've begun to wonder about what does happen when you know more. I got so curious that I wasted about 45 min the other day looking it up...here's some that I found:
"the more you know, the less you understand"
"the more you know, the more you sell"
"the more you know, the more you see, the more you percieve"
"the more you know, the more you know there's more to know"
"the more you know, the more options you have"
"the more you know, the harder it will be to make decisive choices"
...I could go on, but you get the point...and I'll let you decide which one is the most true or applicable. There's a point where I think all of us wonder, "where is this going?"...and yet I have been very convicted of late that God's purposes are not held outside of academia, though my friend Millikin would love for me to believe that. The God of all who fasioned our human minds in a way that we still don't comprehend surely wants us to put them to good use. There's something quickening and exciting about that truth...about the possiblity that all of this "know" could cause us to do some growing...and, Lord willing, some "doing" too.
Speaking of doing, I saw the movie "End of the Spear" twice this weekend...once with Cristina and again with my family and the Costerisans. As we walked out of the theater, my friend turned to me and said, "man, I feel like a wimp..." ...ditto...
If you haven't heard about it, it's the true story of the group of missionaries who were speared to death preaching to the native people of Equador. Jim Elliot, one of the 5 men killed, has had his story told often, but this movie was told from the perspective of the son of another missionary. His story is one of incredible courage, intense pain, and the battle for forgiveness and sacrifice in his own adult life. Although the message of the gospel is not as blatant as I would have liked, for those of us who know Christ's calling to "Preach the word," the challenge is as clear as it is frightening and breathtaking. I won't talk any more about it, but if you haven't seen it, I would give it a shot.
God has been doing some pretty tough chiseling on my heart in recent weeks...if you think of it, please pray for me. I guess you'd say I'm going through a little bit of a personal construction project...one whose end is not in sight but whose improvements I hope to see soon. Its funny how I never notice how big of a problem I have until I start trying to change it...thanks Lord for speaking clearly.
Well, tomorrow I have classes and/or babysitting from 8am to 9:30 pm straight...so it's really time I hit the hay...may he continue to bless you as you give your hearts to him...goodnight
Monday, January 16, 2006
Things I've done since friday (besides showers, sleep, and talking to myself)
Hey all...here's the story
It was more than a week ago that Dad and TJ left for choir tour in Florida (they spent the day in Disney yesterday...yeah, feel sorry for them), and on Friday afternoon Casey left to go to Snow Trip in WI (ok...now feel sorry for me...). The long and the short of it is that Mom and I are home alone and enjoying some amazingly kicked back time. It's fun to see mom cut loose and totally relax...she needed it! Here's what we did...
-Made puppy chow for the kiddies on Snow trip...yay for bus rides
-Went to see the kiddies off (in the middle of the biggest freezing rain storm I've ever seen)...the usual hour of chaos trying to get the vans loaded and decided how to "fairly" divide up the kids.
-Went to the mall...shopping for Dad's B-day and coffee with Mrs. Bostick and Mrs. Cos
-Got a pizza and watched tons of West Wing...the dog started barking a lot and we got spooked and called the Bosticks to come over...the dog barked more and we called the police. Nothing there...my dog is officially psyco...
-Watched the first Pink Panther...which I had never seen
-Went to lunch with Cheryl and Heather Cos...Heather and I got in a good chat which we rarely get to do...good times
-Started a quilting project for mom...More west wing...more Pink Panther...no more police
-Worked on my application for leadership team for Intervaristy
-More quilting
-More West Wing
-Church
-Work...finally something productive!!
Rumor has it that I might acutally have to start working hard again soon...they keep sending me text books in the mail...alright...I'll take the hint. I'm ready to start thowing myself into it again. I know that it's gonna be a tough semester...I have a very heavy load...but I'm ready for the challenge. A lot of my buddies from school come back today...yay for friends!!
If you're looking ahead and the future is cloudy or daunting, take comfort in Lamentations 3:21-23:
"This I recall to my mind, Therefore I have hope. Through the Lord's mercies we are not consumed, because His compassions fail not. They are new every morning; GREAT IS YOUR FAITHFULNESS!!"
Love, Peace, and Blessings to you all...
Me
It was more than a week ago that Dad and TJ left for choir tour in Florida (they spent the day in Disney yesterday...yeah, feel sorry for them), and on Friday afternoon Casey left to go to Snow Trip in WI (ok...now feel sorry for me...). The long and the short of it is that Mom and I are home alone and enjoying some amazingly kicked back time. It's fun to see mom cut loose and totally relax...she needed it! Here's what we did...
-Made puppy chow for the kiddies on Snow trip...yay for bus rides
-Went to see the kiddies off (in the middle of the biggest freezing rain storm I've ever seen)...the usual hour of chaos trying to get the vans loaded and decided how to "fairly" divide up the kids.
-Went to the mall...shopping for Dad's B-day and coffee with Mrs. Bostick and Mrs. Cos
-Got a pizza and watched tons of West Wing...the dog started barking a lot and we got spooked and called the Bosticks to come over...the dog barked more and we called the police. Nothing there...my dog is officially psyco...
-Watched the first Pink Panther...which I had never seen
-Went to lunch with Cheryl and Heather Cos...Heather and I got in a good chat which we rarely get to do...good times
-Started a quilting project for mom...More west wing...more Pink Panther...no more police
-Worked on my application for leadership team for Intervaristy
-More quilting
-More West Wing
-Church
-Work...finally something productive!!
Rumor has it that I might acutally have to start working hard again soon...they keep sending me text books in the mail...alright...I'll take the hint. I'm ready to start thowing myself into it again. I know that it's gonna be a tough semester...I have a very heavy load...but I'm ready for the challenge. A lot of my buddies from school come back today...yay for friends!!
If you're looking ahead and the future is cloudy or daunting, take comfort in Lamentations 3:21-23:
"This I recall to my mind, Therefore I have hope. Through the Lord's mercies we are not consumed, because His compassions fail not. They are new every morning; GREAT IS YOUR FAITHFULNESS!!"
Love, Peace, and Blessings to you all...
Me
Sunday, January 08, 2006
Life is Beautiful
~I got called off work tonight
~I'm headed to see Pride and Prejudice in a few minutes with my sis and mom instead
~It's mid January and it's like 60 degrees and sunny out
~The doctors haven't found any cysts on me...yet
~I get to go to summit this summer
~I only have one more semester of my Freshman year in college
~I don't have to go back to school for 10 more days
~I've got a roof over my head right now...I'm typing on a laptop...
~my family hasn't kicked me out yet, even though there are days that I'm an impossible grouch
~I've eaten at Panera twice today
~There were two little kids at lunch...one sleeping in her carseat and one wide awake, standing in her mother's lap...who made me thankful to be alive today. Kids are facinating to watch
Man...life is sweet
Casey wrote a song (actually, she wrote a bunch but she won't let me hear them...) that she sang in church this morning. It's cool that I have a sister who is able to make beautiful music out of thoughts and feelings that seem to come out of my heart rather than hers...cool and scary how that works. Got to love being sisters!! :) I thought you might enjoy the lyrics...
Casey Holmes...future awesome composer of the year...and my sister...who doesn't want this one here....hehe....she says it's copywrited...so don't steal it...
Blessings on your week...on a new semester and a new life. When we put our lives in his hands we can be confident that his mercies and grace are new EVERY MORNING...now THAT is truely beautiful. Peace
~I'm headed to see Pride and Prejudice in a few minutes with my sis and mom instead
~It's mid January and it's like 60 degrees and sunny out
~The doctors haven't found any cysts on me...yet
~I get to go to summit this summer
~I only have one more semester of my Freshman year in college
~I don't have to go back to school for 10 more days
~I've got a roof over my head right now...I'm typing on a laptop...
~my family hasn't kicked me out yet, even though there are days that I'm an impossible grouch
~I've eaten at Panera twice today
~There were two little kids at lunch...one sleeping in her carseat and one wide awake, standing in her mother's lap...who made me thankful to be alive today. Kids are facinating to watch
Man...life is sweet
Casey wrote a song (actually, she wrote a bunch but she won't let me hear them...) that she sang in church this morning. It's cool that I have a sister who is able to make beautiful music out of thoughts and feelings that seem to come out of my heart rather than hers...cool and scary how that works. Got to love being sisters!! :) I thought you might enjoy the lyrics...
Once again I come before you broken and afraid
Once again I feel my heart has given itself away
and I confess that I forgot whos life this was
And I want you to be the only thing to capture my heart with love
I've betrayed you Lord and maker over and over again
For useless gain with selfish thoughts I constantly trade you in
But if there's one who can forgive it's you alone
can you take back this rugged life I call my own?
So I turn again to you
And I remember that you are the one I've given myself to
And I pledge my love...again
Cause in this book of life I've promised you the pen
So here's my heart again
Casey Holmes...future awesome composer of the year...and my sister...who doesn't want this one here....hehe....she says it's copywrited...so don't steal it...
Blessings on your week...on a new semester and a new life. When we put our lives in his hands we can be confident that his mercies and grace are new EVERY MORNING...now THAT is truely beautiful. Peace
Sunday, January 01, 2006
another year, another blog, another random ramble...
Hey y'all,
One year ago yesterday I started this blog. Its hard to believe it's been that long...even harder to believe how much things have changed since then. More and more I sense that life is kind of carrying me along with it, rather than allowing me to more or less have control. Perhaps that's just Gods way of trying to teach me some surrender and dependence right now. Then again perhaps that's just life.
We had a great Christmas...the day we spent alone (a wonderful contrast to our usual habit of either driving for 20+ hours to get somewhere or having a houseful of people for a week), but we had lots of parties with friends and family before, and so we enjoyed the peace. I was pleasantly surprised at how much I loved going to church that morning. Somehow the season just seemed weird to me this year. Fun, restful, but different. I had trouble getting into the christmas mood...singing and baking and seeing friends was a blast as always, but at times they lacked personal meaning. Anyway, something hit me like a major holiday wake up call that Christmas morning and by the time we hit the presents my heart was right and my spirit refreshed by the arrival of the tiny babe who is still chipping away at my heart.
We also got to visit our good friends Dennis and Donna in St. Louis this past week, we went shopping and saw their new house. It was awesome to re-connect and sit around a play games. We also ate at the best Italian restaraunt on the plannet, but that's another story.
Since today is also a sunday and our usual routine of staying up till all hours on new year's eve would not cut it for a saturday night, we held the annual new year's party at the Kneezels a night early. This not only totally threw off my calendar skills but made the party a few hours LONGER (if that was even possible) since we still stayed till midnight yesterday to count down and enjoy bubbly and fireworks on the deck. The families in our church are something very special...being with them is the safest feeling in the world. Jackie and I had a long talk about what it will be like in a few years when we all are married and have kids. Will we drag them along, raving about "what good friends these people are"...and will our children connect or sit and stare akwardly at each other while the parents talk? Idealy we will all live on the same street, our kids will be best friends, and yet another generation will grow up together...sharing everything from school homework to afternoon chores. But we all know that there may be a few hiccups in that plan. I hope though, that as we spread out and begin to make our own lives we will take the seasoning of this group with us. I hope that we can come close to building similar communities of believers wherever we are planted. I hope that with God's help, my own children will be supported and loved by so many wonderful people.
Well, there I go again, rambing as normal. The point is, Happy New Year everyone. See that horizon? Can you see past it? No, of course not...that's the point. It was extremely fitting that this morning our pastor preached a sermon on patience...trusting friends is the only way to live, to face that mountain range ahead, to enjoy the passing days without regretting their exit.
Blessings on your new year...praise him for his plans to use all of us to accomplish his purpose!!
One year ago yesterday I started this blog. Its hard to believe it's been that long...even harder to believe how much things have changed since then. More and more I sense that life is kind of carrying me along with it, rather than allowing me to more or less have control. Perhaps that's just Gods way of trying to teach me some surrender and dependence right now. Then again perhaps that's just life.
We had a great Christmas...the day we spent alone (a wonderful contrast to our usual habit of either driving for 20+ hours to get somewhere or having a houseful of people for a week), but we had lots of parties with friends and family before, and so we enjoyed the peace. I was pleasantly surprised at how much I loved going to church that morning. Somehow the season just seemed weird to me this year. Fun, restful, but different. I had trouble getting into the christmas mood...singing and baking and seeing friends was a blast as always, but at times they lacked personal meaning. Anyway, something hit me like a major holiday wake up call that Christmas morning and by the time we hit the presents my heart was right and my spirit refreshed by the arrival of the tiny babe who is still chipping away at my heart.
We also got to visit our good friends Dennis and Donna in St. Louis this past week, we went shopping and saw their new house. It was awesome to re-connect and sit around a play games. We also ate at the best Italian restaraunt on the plannet, but that's another story.
Since today is also a sunday and our usual routine of staying up till all hours on new year's eve would not cut it for a saturday night, we held the annual new year's party at the Kneezels a night early. This not only totally threw off my calendar skills but made the party a few hours LONGER (if that was even possible) since we still stayed till midnight yesterday to count down and enjoy bubbly and fireworks on the deck. The families in our church are something very special...being with them is the safest feeling in the world. Jackie and I had a long talk about what it will be like in a few years when we all are married and have kids. Will we drag them along, raving about "what good friends these people are"...and will our children connect or sit and stare akwardly at each other while the parents talk? Idealy we will all live on the same street, our kids will be best friends, and yet another generation will grow up together...sharing everything from school homework to afternoon chores. But we all know that there may be a few hiccups in that plan. I hope though, that as we spread out and begin to make our own lives we will take the seasoning of this group with us. I hope that we can come close to building similar communities of believers wherever we are planted. I hope that with God's help, my own children will be supported and loved by so many wonderful people.
Well, there I go again, rambing as normal. The point is, Happy New Year everyone. See that horizon? Can you see past it? No, of course not...that's the point. It was extremely fitting that this morning our pastor preached a sermon on patience...trusting friends is the only way to live, to face that mountain range ahead, to enjoy the passing days without regretting their exit.
Blessings on your new year...praise him for his plans to use all of us to accomplish his purpose!!
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